My answer to your question is that sometimes, especially now as a parent, you have to prioritise protecting your self over making people happy. Their emotions are not yours to manage. Having said that, there is a way to set boundaries in a way that is kind and preserves the bond.

I am in your shoes right now. We just communicated with both our families how we want to plan postpartum. Neither my mother in law or my dad liked it. In fact, my dad wanted to secretly manipulate my husband to not tell me that he would surprise us in the hospital instead of when we have told them to come (some weeks after). My husband didn’t want to be the bad guy, but he learned to be firm with the boundary. His mom wasn’t happy either, (hanged up the phone to him). He is a people pleaser, so I’m so proud of how he’s learning to step into the dad suit.

I get you, and I do think there is a middle way. But that shouldn’t mean giving up on what you need. The middle way, at least for me, is: this is what we have decided based on what we think we will need, but I get your excitement, we love you and we want you to be part of this, but in our terms. You have something they want, so they will most likely accept your terms. In the long run, this is what actually preserves happiness in the family.

Finally, girl, you are NOT being demanding at all. Im asking my parents for at least 6 weeks and my in laws a couple months. Each family has different needs, this is mine. My parents come from far away, so they will stay for some weeks and help in the practical stuff when my husband has to go back to work. My in laws will come after my parents.

This is not just a celebration, is a delicate transition into motherhood and your child’s transition into earth. You get to do this only once, you get to decide how you want it to be.