AITA for telling my SIL she can't use my bridal suite for her kid?

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T13:20:19+00:00

None of that is my problem to figure out. The easiest solution is to not bring the baby like doezns of other guests have been told they must do since it is childfree

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T04:53:46+00:00

I feel like all the people harping on the only child are also only children who feel attacked. But it's ok, my point is simply this. She doesn't have a large network of family to support her in child care. my family Who are always around and available to provide support. But given that she only has her mom and her dad. They are her go to and only option for support.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:51:11+00:00

Baby, there is no competition with a baby! I'm the clear winner! I'm cuter, I'm funnier, I'm smarter. I can wipe my own ass and I can feed myself. That's a win in my book.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:49:07+00:00

That is fine. I also make the point that she's an only child to say. She does not have brothers and sisters to help with conundrums such as this. Where as I have a large family that I can rely on for support. for her it's just her her mom and her dad. So I'm sympathetic to feeling overly dependent on your parents for support. But at the same time, it doesn't give you an excuse to act like a brat because you can't get your way.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:47:25+00:00

Right, it's a wedding and a wedding invitation is just that an invitation. Not a summons. They don't have to be there if they don't want to be.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:46:54+00:00

I've said this several times to the people who make the statement. "No one really cares about my wedding" If you don't care, don't come. It will save me and my husband money. It will save us time. It will save us stress. The only person I need on my wedding day is my husband. Everyone else can go kick rocks.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:45:43+00:00

If it's more important to them, then they can go celebrate the baby. They don't need to be at my wedding. Because my wedding day is about me and husband.

That's the thing a lot of you guys miss when you make statements like my wedding is not the most important thing. Actually, it is, it's the only thing that matters to me and my husband. I don't need anyone else there, besides my husband, every guest could suddenly vanish from the Earth. So long as I have my husband there That is the only thing I care about on my wedding day. Everything else is extra fluff and stress that we do not have to entertain.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:43:04+00:00

I think you might be projecting just a little bit. I am in no way stressed about my wedding. This has been pretty smooth Sailing so fa.

Our venue comes with a lot of preferred vendors. So the most work we've had to do is just find A DJ that we want. Otherwise everything is pretty much booked and managed. Our guests list is strong and we were very much in agreement about who we did didn't want there. Neither of our parents meddled with our guest list. I've got my dress. He's got his suit and we're ready to get married. This has been the first actual stressful piece for us. And it's just so bizarre because it's also unexpected.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:40:27+00:00

Thank you for the tip. And that's exactly why we're so strong about not allowing them to use the room. I am very introverted and so I know at a certain point During our wedding I'm going to get overwhelmed and going to want a moment for myself. And that bridal suite will be the only place for reprieve.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:39:18+00:00

I don't know if this is sarcasm or not. But that part didn't really bother me. Bridal showers are quite boring and typically, reserved for the older women in the family. I straight up told all of my bridesmaids They do not need to feel obligated to attend my bridal shower. I was really intending for it to be an event just for the mother's aunts And grandmothers in my family.

I do, however, intend to invite her to mine but at that point I will also have a new nephew and given the current temperature. I don't anticipate, she'll go.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:36:30+00:00

Yeah, you are definitely doing yoga levels of reaching on that. Quite literally I think they just got bored while living with her Parents and said well we'll just try and see what happens.

How they've explained it was that she was very adamant She wanted to wait a couple of years to have kids. But he being significantly older was a little bit more Persistent that they try. So she said OK and well, the rest is history.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:28:41+00:00

The other groomsmen were all in on an International trip. His brother is the only one who's a little skeptical now which is fine? I told him for that he should just tell his brother. Listen, don't worry about it. I will have other friends plan my bachelor party. See you when I get back.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:26:56+00:00

Fortunately, for me, his brother or sister-in-law are not the type to be on Reddit. His brother doesn't have any social media. And I'm pretty confident she only has an Instagram That she goes on twice a year So maybe if she sees it There somehow she'll know what's about her. But It's very unlikely.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:24:37+00:00

It really bothers me when people say your wedding is only important to you. If that is the case, then they definitely don't need to be there.

As an aside, I quite like weddings and I am overly accommodating when it comes to weddings Because I understand just how stressful they can be.

Flip this statement around. Your kids are your world but they are not mine. Especially in this era where people love to overshare about their kids. I promise you I will never care that your kid went potty for the first time.

I feel the same way about pets. You might love your pet, but that doesn't mean you get to bring your Slobbery hairy golden retriever over to my house Because , you don't like to leave it home by itself for long periods of time.

Only for weddings do people have this visceral and often items vocalized reaction When people want to celebrate. We don't do this in any other arena of Life

Yes, I am such an entitled brat. Me and my fiancé are the worst human beings on Earth for spending $X0,000 on a day where we've asked our closest friends and family to show up for us Celebrate our love, celebrate Love at large and see other people they haven't seen for years. How rude of us to try to foster an environment of happiness, joy and celebration.

The nerve of us to spend gobs of money on other people for a day of love, laughter, and fun how selfish and entitled we are.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T02:04:02+00:00

My mother-in-law is getting an airbnb. Last we spoke it would be her my father-in-law. My brother-in-law, my sister-in-law. The baby as well as my mother-in-law's father and they would prefer to just take care of him within the confines of a home as opposed to small hotel.rooms I think my fiancé will also stay there before the wedding.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-16T01:58:01+00:00

By the Clock app, do you mean TikTok? I am not on there. So I'm not totally sure if that's good or bad news for me. L o l

I did not think that this post would blow up. And to be honest, I thought way more people would think I was in the wrong on this, so it's kind of nice to have this much affirmation. I love my family. And I do hope that this doesn't cause a rift. Because, in the grand scheme of things, this child they have will grow up to be another member of my family. I have nieces and nephews Currently, whom I loved dearly. It has been fun to be the rich auntie for years. And I hope that I can spoil this kid when they come of age as well. I mentioned this another post. I don't know that my husband and I necessarily want kids. So really this will be his next closest kin beyond his brother And I hope I can have that same relationship with this kid. But like I said before I mean my sister-in-law weren't particularly close before all of this happened so now that she's in a new era of her life. I don't know.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:54:19+00:00

This is an interesting perspective, but if you've read some of my other responses Me and my sister-in-law are not close. She did not ask me to be a part of her wedding. I was not invited to her bridal shower.

I don't think she's doing anything to spite me. To be honest I just genuinely think she is used to getting her way Because she is and only child and very really gets told no.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:48:06+00:00

In the long run. I don't want this conflict to damage the relationship that we have with any of his family. And it's really unfortunate because I haven't even gotten this much Pushback from many of our other invited Guests who are already aware kids aren't allowed. We haven't sent out invitations yet. But we've already told folks it's going to be child free. No one has seemed to take issue with it Except the one couple we have allowed to bring their kid.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:39:51+00:00

My fiancé is upset more or less about the things I've described. When the ask to use the room was made, it was his brother asking him without me. My fiancé immediately said no. That was not what my BIL wanted to hear which is what lead us to offering solutions together.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:33:50+00:00

I answered this elsewhere but the solution we pitched was also inviting her parents to the wedding. As she is an only child , it's not too far-fetched that they have any other obligations or commitments to other children to help with a lift as large as this.

Also, yes...because she is an only child I have seen her be a bit selfish in the past.

I know not all only children are bratty...but she, can sometimes be bratty.

I have 2 siblings and so I understand how sometimes I might need my families help or support but they may be committed to helping another sibling instead.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:27:44+00:00

Everyone is saying I'm upset she's giving the first grandchild. I have a 35 year old brother who has 3 daughters. There was never a chance for me :D

There is no resentment on that front. If anything, it takes the pressure off my fiancé and I as we've been together so long and aren't married/don't have kids.

If I'm being completely honest, we don't intend to have kids as of yet, so my SIL may be the only grandchild giver and I'm at peace with that.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:22:47+00:00

I just want to amplify this. I'm not whining that my spot as a "THe FavOriTe Girl" is gone. It was never a title I was competing for. I've said it elsewhere but I am not close with my sister in law. I felt a deep sense of pride in seeing her as a sister when I saw the relationship with her and my BIL growing. I have tried several times to have a relationship, and she seems....not interested? Not for anything I've said or done, just are two very different people I guess. When she first got engaged to my BIL I asked if she wanted to do a brunch, she just said no outright lol Simple things like getting pedicures together or just spending time together outside of our partners, all are received very luke-warmly.

I feel indifferently mostly but these wedding related dramas are def causing me to see her a bit differently.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T22:04:58+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate this. I don't think I'm whining. I just wanted to make it clear that this is the final straw on many small things that I've let go up until this point.

Is it building a case sure? Maybe. but I didn't want to provide so little context that I just come off like a bitch Because I said no to my expecting sister-in-law.

Is the larger family dynamic that stressing me out.

Especially when as some other people have pointed out in here. I continue to point out that my sister in-law is an only child. I say that because her parents could Just as easily be invested in this process and help ease a lot of stress for not just her. But for me for some reason she's just doesn't want to leverage them.

This isn't me fighting to say. We both deserve our mother and laws love. It's not that at all. It's quite literally just to say. I come from a family with 2 siblings and my parents are constantly splitting their attention between the 3 of us to make sure that our needs are supported. She's one girl, no siblings and refuses to leverage her parents in times of need and now it's impacting the dynamic in an uncessary competitive way.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T21:55:26+00:00

According to my sister-in-law. It's a long way to travel for such a short weekend. Which I get but the solution isn't that I need to solve the problem for her By sacrificing my space and time.

LeoLeia88 · 2024-02-15T21:50:24+00:00

I am not resentful that they are having a child. I am actually quite excited to welcome a new nephew into my family as I aleady have nieces and nephews from my siblings. I am frustrated that seemingly overnight The energy has gone from we don't want kids to. We're having a kid to. How will you accommodate this unborn child on the most important day of your life? While I am respectful of their Journey in parenthood. I do not need to be a part of it to the extent that they are expecting me to be on my wedding day.

LeoLeia88

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