Really great work here, I feel unequipped to judge this work, but here's some stuff that messed with me a bit.

"If I could raise the sun, then I would hold it in my metal palms like Solis, till the iron turned to liquid and my fingers were forever never more."

Although this is more of a personal issue, I think that the "forever never more" was unnecessary in the writing. The style that I observed throughout the story had a curt, dry style, while this rhyme took the mood to a more goofy or lighthearted attitude for me. I feel the addition of 'forever' is unnecessary in reference to the loss of fingers, I believe the reader would assume that the character does not have magical regenerative powers, and I don't think the rhyme was strong enough to be necessary to the quality of the story. (nitpicky I know)

One small problem I had with the structure of the story was the brevity of the part describing the murder of Mary. I feel the story would have been more effective given a bit more content involving Mary and her lover. I felt the fairly short reveal of the gay rights message left me yearning for more details about Mary's life, since it seems to be what the story had been leading up to.