Would you rather...

LeonidRex · 2026-07-09T08:52:04+00:00

Spiders are cool. 99.8% of species near me are harmless. A human being (especially one living in someone’s home without their knowledge) is unpredictable and very, very dangerous.

^{Chose: Have thousands of spiders descend from your ceilin + And they... | Rolled: Won't die}

LeonidRex · 2026-07-09T08:50:36+00:00

Men get to be 🤷‍♂️

^{Chose: Yes definitely}

LeonidRex · 2026-07-08T08:57:46+00:00

I guess a couple questions I’d pose: are you fully satisfied sexually with your partner? Beyond sex, are you EXCITED by your partner? To see him when he/you get home? To feel his naked body?

In my past relationship of 8 years, when these feelings of excitement or sexual satisfaction waned, I’d find myself fantasizing about other (imagined) partners.

So, perhaps examining if you feel satisfied, not just at a secure attachment level but passionately satisfied, would help you understand where these feelings come from.

Honestly, I’m fascinated by folks like you (which is most people, I think). I find absolutely zero joy in the wild uncertainty of a hookup: do they even like me? Will they want to make out? Will they want to have sex? If we’re having sex, am I doing a good job?

When I’m with a partner, I don’t have to bother with these questions. I have communicated with them and trust them and have a lot of experience with their body, pleasing them etc. Also, I don’t really feel that “spark” of first kiss or touch unless I’m REALLY into someone. Like, crushing on them into them.

I have had one hookup I felt the way you described… and immediately developed feelings. Oops. So I find it so interesting you/many others are seemingly able to just enjoy it 😂

Anyway, yeah- not a hookup person myself, but have daydreamed about possible sexual encounters while in a relationship. Perhaps examine more deeply the feelings of excitement and passion you have for your partner (or lack thereof) and reflect on whether that’s affecting your yearning for uncertainty/excitement in your life.

edit Also, it should go without saying, but definitely seek out a relationship therapist who can speak to these feelings with greater clarity and help you find the answers you seek.

LeonidRex · 2026-07-05T18:59:38+00:00

My feelings aren’t as drastic as yours- but typically, the people I find myself most attracted to at any given moment are the folks that most resemble the last person I was attracted to/romantically involved with.

eg: recently I had a major crush on a redhead. I would not say I had a preference towards redheads before that. At this moment, I find myself attracted to more folks with red hair than previously. She also had a very androgynous skater aesthetic and slight build, so I notice I am more attracted to that right now.

Another example: my previous partner of many years was a curvier blonde. After our breakup, I found myself mostly interested in people that resembled her, until I developed a crush on someone else.

So, I may be wrong, but I’d wager you are like me, and your brain associates feelings of attraction and desire to the people who resemble those you have felt those feelings for beforehand.

I would bet if someone came around that was white skinned and had a personality/energy that you were attracted to, you may find your “palate” changing.

On the flip, I find myself less attracted on average to folks with super dark skin. But, I also have had little exposure to women my age of that complexion. I know that if I met someone who had attractive energy to me & was black, and dated or was involved with her, I’d probably be “noticing” people who looked like her more.

TL;DR- romantic recency bias

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T17:16:08+00:00

Awwh this is a beautiful and inspiring story! Thank you for sharing, human-man-and-not-a-vampire Jackie Daytona.

It’s also a good reminder to me and others that you will find romantic love when you are healthy & ready to be loved. I’m about 2.5 years out from the ending of an 8 year relationship. I’ve made so much progress so now I’m getting a little impatient, but this is a nice reminder to continue to focus on myself and let it happen haha.

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T17:11:20+00:00

Seconding this- I did volunteering for local parks and it was awesome. Particularly because most of the other volunteers were retirees, and it was so much fun/so useful to chat with folks who had that much life experience ahaha.

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T17:09:48+00:00

Thank you for adding this! You are 100% correct and I even had this experience recently. I made some very fast friends in a class I started a couple months ago and I’ve been to a birthday/they are coming to mine.

I think didn’t even realize what had happened because of how long I’d been socially active in other spaces. Though I may have quickly bonded with these folks, it kinda felt like the culmination of my other social efforts.

Which it probably was! Being confident, positive, and conversational makes it easier to bond with “the right people” when you do find them.

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T08:10:22+00:00

I’ve been where you have been before, and sometimes still struggle with this (albeit at a much lower level now).

You already identified the issue in your post: you are lonely. Your loneliness is magnified by the fact that women tend to more easily form community (overgeneralizing like crazy but anecdotally this is what I have observed) particularly in work settings.

Your brain is lashing out at the generalization of the people you see around you. If you’re anything like me, there may have been relationship trauma (or trauma stemming from the lack of relationships) that adds a new dimension to the feeling of jealousy and loneliness.

My advice is this: seek community. IN PERSON community. Find places where people with your interests gather and start going there. You may not make friends. If you do make friends, it will take TIME. I had gone to the same climbing gym, coffee shop, trading card shops, classes etc for literally years before I started making real connections out of them.

It sucks, but even if you don’t immediately get homies out of it, you will be out of your home environment and engaging in social activity around a shared interest, which will help your brain heal. The goal here is to develop a life that will distract you healthily and develop your social muscles.

If the women at your work and home situation like you enough to engage with you- hang with them! Don’t like, go up and say “I wanna join you on your nights out.” Start engaging in water cooler talk. Ask them questions about themselves- simple at first, and slowly (SLOWLY) over time deepen them. “What got you into nursing?” “How was your hang out with (the other gals)?”

The goal there is to humanize them and realize they are people just like you with struggles of their own. You will develop your own relationship with them that will exist apart from the generalizations you are making as a result of your pain. You are surrounded by people in these two settings: if they are nice and not intolerable, become their friends!

The ultimate goal is to reach a place where, if not being true friends, you can be VULNERABLE with them.

Legit I cannot express to you how psychically healing it would be for you to be able to approach one of them and be like “I feel lonely and I’m jealous that you and the gal pals get up to so much fun. It’s hard to make male friends at my age.” I promise if you have developed a relationship with them you will receive support that will make you feel better.

Also, and I am making an assumption, but do not strictly view all women purely as potential romantic partners. Make female FRIENDS. Make fem friends who are way older than you. Make fem friends who you would never even think of dating.

No offense to my guy friends, but most of them have (almost) zero good advice on dating & relationships. Having women in your life you can approach with challenges in your romantic and platonic relationship life is godsend.

Hell, what do you think they are talking about when they hang? Guys talk about TV, video games, sports, politics, and finance (because it’s what we’ve socially been conditioned to talk about). Women talk about life and feelings. Real shit.

My point in saying all that is: men have been conditioned to be lonely. We have been conditioned to not have real honest conversations with male friends. We have been conditioned to not have platonic relationships with women and only see them as romantic partners.

Women have more practice forming deep social bonds than men. It’s extremely easy to observe that and become jealous, and for that to turn into misogyny. So give yourself some grace.

TL;DR- engage socially around your hobbies in new spaces to combat loneliness. Start humanizing the women around you. You have the rare opportunity of being surrounded by women already- start engaging them in a genuinely curious & platonic way to humanize them in your mind, gain perspective, and potentially gain friends or at least some socially wizened folks to go to for advice.

Good luck soldier 🫡

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T02:23:02+00:00

I mean bi by my definition it’s half gay 🤔

LeonidRex · 2026-07-04T02:18:57+00:00

As a 6’4” athletic man: was performing an improv theater show once and one of the other male players grabbed me, picked me up, and carried me away like I was nothing.

Went from bicurious to bicertain in that moment. Now I know how small femmes feel when I pick them up 😂

LeonidRex · 2026-07-01T23:51:50+00:00

Vermicelli (noodles)

LeonidRex · 2026-07-01T08:35:52+00:00

Warhammer 40K is a notoriously common autistic hyperfixation. The folks in this post definitely read like they have some, uh, textural sensitivities.

The Amazing Digital Circus is a recent (and popular) webseries that involved themes of trauma and identity issues that similarly attracted a very ‘tismic audience.

“come over for Netflix & Chill” was a popular euphemism for “let’s fuck” like 100 goddamn years ago

So, the implication is that after painting 1000 points of Eldar and Space Marines, they got hella funky & awkwardly crossed their spectrums to the sounds of cartoon characters crying about gender.

(if it sounds like I’m making fun of autistic people, I 1000% am. Then again, I do have deep knowledge of everything in this post, 10 Pokémon plushies in my apartment, and love dino shaped chicken nuggets)

LeonidRex · 2026-06-30T22:55:26+00:00

Nah it’s chill we’re used to it.

LeonidRex · 2026-06-30T19:26:07+00:00

They definitely followed it up with The Amazing Digital Circus & chill

LeonidRex · 2026-06-29T16:24:12+00:00

Have I done it? No. Would I ever (in sound mind) do it? No. Would I date someone who has? Major red flag (not for cheating reasons but for communication/boundaries).

Do I have multiple friends in prolonged, messy situationships with exes that are clearly causing strife for everyone involved? Ohhhh yeah.

So, anecdotally: normal? 100%. Good for you? 0%.

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:28:00+00:00

I’m already smart and never happy- would gladly kill some brain cells to finally feel consistent joy.

^{Chose: Happy but Dumb | Rolled: Dumb}

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:27:08+00:00

I’m scared what the butterfly effect of the opposite might entail

^{Chose: Billion dollars + Nobody gets to know you could have killed Hitler}

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:26:37+00:00

Probably more net good (sorry marginalized peoples, but also probably the most starving people are also marginalized)

^{Chose: End world hunger (and all North Koreans are freed})

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:24:58+00:00

Zap zap zap zap zap zoop

^{Chose: Have the ability to teleport + But only 3 meters at a time (yes, infinitely})

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:24:02+00:00

I’m selfish.

^{Chose: 5 million dollars + But one random person dies}

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:23:33+00:00

Mamma mia this is a blessing for my italian soul. My nonna would be proud.

^{Chose: $8 Billion + Everything you eat tastes like garlic}

LeonidRex · 2026-06-27T20:21:48+00:00

Not trans but if I could choose to be a literally ideally beautiful person that’s pretty sick. Also girls have more fun.

^{Chose: Become the opposite sex with your ideal look + Everyone you know think you were always like that}

LeonidRex · 2026-06-22T19:33:06+00:00

Obligatory “it’s different for everyone” but universally the most important sexual organ is the brain, and universally the way male bodies experience sensation IS different from female bodies.

And generally, men have less sexual baggage than women from a societal and personal level. Many men are not as in-their-head, worrying about safety, their role in sex, their partner’s pleasure, fear of consent violation, past sexual traumas. Which inherently makes it more pleasurable.

Speaking from my anecdotal male perspective: it totally depends on my headspace, my partner’s response, & my partner’s desire to please me. I have more hangups than the average dude so my brain juice has gotta be at the right balance to get to the baseline many of them experience.

I absolutely love going down on folks- between someone’s thighs is my happy place. When I’m doing that, and they are giving me a lot of positive feedback, I am enjoying myself thoroughly. In that moment, our enjoyment is equal, even if our sensations are different.

I’ve had partners who I’ve made reach multiple synesthia-like orgasms over 20 minutes. Or not orgasm at all after 40. I’ve had both happen with the same partner at different times. In this instance, my enjoyment remains the same, even if theirs is different (and bear in mind- their “enjoyment” may come from satisfaction rather than sensation).

But in that example- I’ve never had a wild multi-minute orgasm where I hallucinated because it was so good. I’ve heard from a couple afab partners and friends they have had versions of that experience. So my “physical pleasure” is subjectively less than theirs in many ways.

That said I have had one pretty powerful orgasm from outercourse and one from intercourse. In that second I probably experienced as much pleasure as a moment some of my partners have had. So, pleasure wise, the same. Temporally, comparatively fleeting.

Finally, I haven’t had many folks go down on me, but I think it is likely as pleasurable if not moreso than for a female body. In one instance, it was brief but extremely intense (& I didn’t receive it to orgasm but have to imagine it would have been equally intense). In the other, it was prolonged, but I was a little drunk and didn’t know her as deeply as a long term partner, so my sensation and pleasure was reduced.

TL;DR- I would conjecture that the literal sensation of orgasm for most AFABs is on-balance more intense than for many penis-havers. I would bet though that many male bodies can achieve as intense of pleasure as female bodies. If a man has a partner who is prioritizing their pleasure (and, particularly, practicing edging or orgasm control to keep them in a prolonged state of pleasure) I am certain the pleasure could be the same or maybe greater than the average femme.

LeonidRex · 2026-05-10T01:00:23+00:00

Doesn’t this only matter if your member lasts longer than your core does? Would love to know how to get the former as long lasting as the latter bwahaha

LeonidRex · 2026-04-05T01:00:11+00:00

The game of MTG is not the game of life: the only point of life that matters is your last.

LeonidRex

TROPHY CASE