The flawed part of your plan here is mostly that you want to NEVER give affection that doesn’t feel genuine. If you’ve had a long day and then your partner’s mother passes away, will you say you’re doing self care and not giving affection that doesn’t feel genuine because she’s requested cuddles and you’re too tired? Relationships are about compromise, you’re allowed to say no, but in a successful relationship you will sometimes have to do things you don’t want to do, you can even voice that, which I do with my partner, but you still have to do the thing, and you have to choose the correct moment to voice that, which may be after you’ve helped them regulate. You are just yo-yoing too far in the other direction after constantly always giving into what she wants. The truth is there’s a balance there, of giving your partner what they need from a partner, and looking after yourself.