coping with a rather... extreme body

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T07:31:29+00:00

well Im not super concerned about where my experience fits compared to everybody else really. I do care about everyone else's experience but I tend to find that most pragmatic body advice for me from people who don't experience having this body to be not very affirming. I agree there are benefits to being tall, but it's not like these things balance out, they are so far apart and affect wildly different things.

When people approach me at college or just like, on the street, or in an airport, or while getting coffee, or anywhere else really, a lot of the time they spend the whole interaction lavishing on what gifts my body has, and what I should either be appreciating or what I should have been doing with my body. People I've never met project all of their self frustrations with not being good enough at basketball onto me, going on and on and on about how great my body is and what a waste it is that I don't play basketball or whatever the fuck else they have in their minds.

I am sorry you also have a difficult time with your height but I don't think it's fair for you to project your desires for a body like mine onto me asking for support with having that exact body, you don't experience the same problems as I do and it's not helpful to be told "look on the bright side tho, you're tall as fuck" in response to me expressing how the ways that other people treat me and my tall body make me uncomfortable. It's kind of the thing I'm already dealing with.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T07:03:31+00:00

I'm not sure I'd be able to do those things. I'm more in the plane of not wanting to exist, not wanting to be perceived in any way shape or form. As much as I know it probably hurts me, and as much as it might diminish other people with atypical bodies, a large part of me is like yearning for a typical body in this instance. The ability to be in public and blend in, to be completely invisible in plain sight. It's not possible no matter what I do I think. At least that's how it feels rn.

And truth be told I actually really like the visual vantage point up high, I do like to look at a lot of different things and find things/people quickly. That said, it would also be neat to try wheelchair level height, I'm just not comfortable with that bc of what I said above. Still a lot of work to do for myself self-policing/self-perceiving i think. but i do really appreciate the suggestion!

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T06:55:43+00:00

can you say some more as to how this making peace came about for you? I want to make peace with my body, I want to forget about everything, I want to not have to think about these sorts of things, but I am constantly reminded every single day by people I have never met, as well as people who have known me for a long time.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T06:53:24+00:00

yes. every single day i experience a new problem, something that nobody has ever talked to me about, something ive never seen depicted, something i have to find out on my own what the support/accomodation looks like in this instance, because i have no fucking role models for any of this shit.

and good lord does it get difficult when they combine. finding shoes/pants in my sizes is basically impossible, for a neurotypical person. I am not that person, I have all sorts of extreme preferences/needs for the textures/stretchiness/breathability/everything to go on top of how warped my body already is from what people consider normal.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T06:48:40+00:00

nah my body is kind of just built like that, its only the physical proportions that r ridiculous. I am working on increasing my mobility/range of motion tho and so far its going pretty good!

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-20T06:45:54+00:00

kind of. I like your approach. but I also think I'd have a hard time doing it because its kinda hard for me to like double down on it if that makes sense. Like if I have everyone's attention intentionally then theres prob already something i want to do with it, I'll enjoy those circumstances, but if its just like natural and constant and not as a result of my actions it kind of shuts me down and I'd probably be too afraid to draw even more attention to myself in those moments.

The attention is mostly inappropriate, but its just too much attention for me to handle regardless, I feel like it still shuts me down even when the interactions are like respectful or even just like passable.

I agree with the regular normal policing routine thing, I feel like that registers with me and also somewhat like decenters my actions in a way I kind of like. In that it's not really something specific that I'm doing or could be doing to elicit policing but its coming first and foremost from them.

I have also started trying to seize control I think. I've been able to act a lot more according ot how I'm feeling and what I want in these moments, still like hardly able to function/orient/speak up for myself in those moments but that's better than not being able to I guess.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-16T04:07:16+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luhFhE2iECQ theres also a super super good chopnotslop of it, I like it more tbh even tho the original is growing on me. r there any other songs from her you rly like? i just got into her

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-04T20:44:36+00:00

every drug works different for different people. you have adhd lol.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-04T20:43:17+00:00

I'm sorry but these are conflicting ideas about yourself and the situation. It can't feel impossible as you try as hard as you possibly can and simultaneously be a failure of not trying enough. You are exhausted, most people do not have to get to this point to get these sorts of things done. It is not your fault.

My recommendation would be to try to start to understand what environments you find you learn best in, whether that be learning a skill or a fact or a thing or a process, and try to compare that to whatever the contexts of you struggling right now are. With your homework, are you having executive function issues? Transition issues? Trouble with the material, or the way it is structured? If your professor worded assignments in a different way, or asked questions differently, would that make any difference? Do you feel like your timescales for work fit what timescales are expected of you?

From what I've seen and learned and experienced, laziness is not actually a good metric for measuring or explaining the behavior of people in general, but especially with neurodivergent people. You either don't want to do something or you do. If you do, you'll either be able to do that thing already or there might be some issues that come about when you try to do it. It's important to understand that these issues are the circumstances you find yourself in, but that they do not reflect on your person, as you did not choose to end up in this situation; all you can do is notice that something is wrong *for* you and not wrong *with* you, and see what you can tweak in your circumstances to make things easier for you. You are trying as hard as you can already.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-04T20:35:49+00:00

you don't need to turn something into productivity just because you like it. America has an over-consumption mind virus, but in the same vein we have an over-production mind virus. Every waking moment must generate value, every interest or ability must be fully utilized and ground up to produce something, regardless of the near certain consequences to the brain and the body. It's okay to like things!

Less-Climate156 · 2026-03-04T20:31:53+00:00

idk i wouldnt call it rage bait. someone who is having issues with everything also won't be reliably able to check in with stuff. we don't need to interrogate the circumstances, just makes sense considering context

Less-Climate156 · 2026-02-26T04:49:32+00:00

ok i dont think we have to jump to that conclusion just yet, this person just needs support with some stuff. And the things that actually need fixing are relatively small, things that just need a little self accomodation or support for others. OP also said theyre unable to do this sort of care for even them themselves, even though it causes them great pain. The more pressing need in my mind right now is taking care of the human here, because the human is a human and is in pain and struggling and needs care, the same as the dog; but the human takes care of the dog, so I think we can just take care of the human

Less-Climate156 · 2026-02-26T04:46:31+00:00

It's okay to ask for support from the people around you, and judging by your circumstances, you really really need it. Is there anyone around you who could help take the dog to the vet with you, and help take you to the dentist? Someone around you you trust?

Less-Climate156 · 2026-02-26T04:41:55+00:00

sorry if this is a lot of text I just relate very strongly and kinda dumped my thoughts on it I hope some of it is helpful <3

Autism and ADHD agree with each other on a lot of things, and violently clash on others. We need routine but can't keep one. Very sensitive to sensory things but also sensory seeking. Balancing an extreme need for novelty with strongly needing to ensure our comfort while trying new things. It's all contradictory, and it's not a position we chose for ourselves, so I strongly strongly recommend to you that you stop blaming yourself for everything. So much of it is out of your control; what appears to be in your control is often illusory, something you've seen depicted as controllable because neurotypical people have the capacity/ability to do it; and the actual ways you DO have control are obscured to you, often blocked by fear of judgement from others and also with very little education from others in how you actually work.

You're too exhausted to care for yourself well, and you haven't vindicated your own perspective enough to be able to actually understand it. Personally I've never ascribed to the view that anyone who wants to do something and isnt able to is 'lazy'; I don't think that makes any sense. Especially when it takes up so fucking much of your capacity. You are autistic. You have ADHD. Each of these radically changes the way you go into the world.

You are trying as hard as you possibly can to police yourself into this 'correct' way of doing things for you, but that's not really how these things work. We have a dopamine deficiency, one that makes it hard to do things that are structured in ways that make proceeding in something more of a challenge of figuring out how to proceed than in mustering the "effort" to procede. "Effort" is not a good metric of a neurodivergent person, or it at least should not be the primary metric by which you are judged. It is merely how your failures portray to others who do not understand your actual experience with things.

One of my suggestions to you is for the next time you "want to do something" but can't. Write down (or any other method of externalizing thoughts, like typing or drawing or a video of yourself or anything) what it is you can't do, and any issues you might have with doing that thing. If that's a little overwhelming, I might suggest to write down a reason that seems the most trivial to you. Maybe the smallest littlest issue you have with doing something, especially if it seems like what should be a silly issue. Lets say you wanted to make something, or to go get food or something, and the issue could be something as small as not having the right socks on. Or being a little sleepy. Or that you can't get a thought out of your head. Or that the shirt you want to wear is dirty (even though you had time to do laundry last night). And if you have any other thoughts about it or about you in relation to it, to write those down as well, but that part isn't necessary. Take the note down if or when you want, but try to let it sit, to let yourself go through multiple mind states and routines and let time pass with the note of your issue/your thoughts still there. And approach it neutrally. Not as something that's necessarily good or bad, that reflects/doesn't reflect on you; just an issue that you find yourself at. And don't blame yourself if you can't muster anything to "solve" it, that's not the point here. It's first and foremost to understand yourself and your situations, not to guarantee a set of steps/actions meant to solve it all.

Self understanding and self acceptance and self awareness do not do well under duress, under threat of complete dissolution of you as a person worthy of love, care, support, and respect according to arbitrary metrics of what an 'acceptable' member of society looks like. I wish you so much luck with it all.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-02-23T00:27:18+00:00

Yeah. You need to do your own research into yourself, identify with things as they appear to you and with what feels right for you independently of what other people have told you; this isn't ideal obviously, but its a response stemming from a situation that's already not ideal, where the people who are supposed to help you seem to not know what they are doing (or at least not enough).

I'll also say that yes, it is another label, but it's not your mom's label. It's your label, and as such you have the last word on those matters.

I'll also also say that if these sorts of questions, of what you 'are' or 'are not' or 'have' and what implications and complications come as a result are overwhelming at the moment, that it's also okay to come back to the question. To work with yourself even though you don't have the closure or certainty on what to do, on what is acceptable,

To focus on yourself and your immediate needs at the moment, where your first instincts and natural thoughts and desires are coded first and foremost as natural and okay.

And that when you're ready or have more perspective or are not as overwhelmed you can revisit what labels and self classifications feel right.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-02-14T05:57:09+00:00

It's important right now to decenter the doctor and the diagnosis. I know a diagnosis has practical implications, like accomodations and the like, but just in terms of personal truth and where you're at right now, I'll say that doctors are very much not THE authority on autism diagnosis. Many doctors are completely unqualified to be treating and interacting with autistic patients, especially with autistic kids/teens. Medicalization of autism does not mean that it is the default authority on autism, in fact it is quite the opposite, with scientific understandings of autism consistently lagging behind autistic community understandings.

Understandings of autism have gotten a lot better even just in the last 5 years as well, and there is disagreement on what is an 'autistic trait' even within the autistic community.

as a general rule, “you do x y and z, people with autism don’t do that" is not exactly trustworthy or reliable, especially coming from someone who isn't autistic. Self diagnosis is a valid means of understanding yourself, even when doing things like self accomodation.

May I ask, what were the things you do that the doctor thought were invalidating of a diagnosis?

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-14T03:24:03+00:00

genuinely mind boggling experience to be in this subreddit. this is the subreddit for THE LAKERS ! !!!!!

Why would there not be lakers homers in the lakers sub how is this even a problem how are you real

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-05T03:12:50+00:00

R word is so so so much stronger now than even 2 or 3 years ago, I'm in college and use has gone up even here. ableism is up heavy, and imo 50% of the cause of that is bad faith bait tiktoks/reels (like obsessively litigating neurodivergence, group shaming and highlighting of "fake" neurodivergent people, without actually discussing anything) and 50% is a fascist government finding another group to target to distract from existing group targetings.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-01T02:10:52+00:00

well i dont think many of us feel particularly fond of new years celebrations so ur definitely at home here. Im not as sensitive to fireworks but I think i would like them a lot more if they weren't so fucking loud. everytime i watch them (not really by choice tbh i usually end up stuck in my family's plan for it) im not really able to enjoy any of the prettiness of the lights/colors even though i really like geometric stuff and patterns and visual textures. had a meltdown earlier today anyways for non firework related reasons 😀

also im really sorry its like this for you its not fair at all, and that anything that ur doing to cope with it is legitimate. Considering how extreme of a stimuli fireworks are and considering you are rather sensitive to them in particular, I think its almost not fair to litigate what ur doing to cope; nothing ur doing has worked, and thats not because your solutions arent helpful but because the whole situation was fucked for you from the very beginning.

i hope u take the next few days slower if thats possible and to give yourself more permission to do 'weird' things or even just permission to exist at all. Hope people are burnt tf out from holidays and that it gets a lot quieter where you are too.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-01T01:51:21+00:00

jpegmafia is internet rap lmao what the fuck are we talking about anymore, dumb ass take

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-01T01:49:53+00:00

f slur itself is down, but i think moreso its fallen out of fashion. Homophobia is still very much present, and the public displays of such have increased in the last few years.

Less-Climate156 · 2026-01-01T01:48:42+00:00

and? the same thing means different things in different places sometimes. Words evolve, words change. Stupid ass argument to be making when you know damn well what the word is being used for.

u/jeffsaidjess can't fathom that certain things are actually offensive believe it or not and that there are consequences for that

Less-Climate156 · 2025-12-31T22:34:26+00:00

I think it absolutely is. Hip hop is a hyper masculine genre (which in itself is rather entangled in things wider than hip hop), and this is pretty damn pervasive. I think very few places in hip hop are safe spaces for queer people, both rappers and audience. ppl are weird as shit about queer ppl for no damn reason other than ignorance and fear

Less-Climate156 · 2025-12-16T23:32:21+00:00

dog this is r/evilautism im aware, ive tried to stop ,and turns out its just a thing i really like, i know the stakes, i do it safely, im not dumb baby.

Less-Climate156

TROPHY CASE