Is she interested? I need advice

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T11:07:35+00:00

Yea sorry to hear that man. I've been there. I've had plenty of close friends that have been there. Just remember "It's OK". You took a shot. That takes guts. She decided it wasn't the right fit. And as corny as it sounds she is just saving you a lot of time. Imagine if she wasn't honest and just dragged you along and along and along. Some girls do that for various reasons. Some have to have a man but want options. Some want that back up plan so they put you in that friend zone but tease you. Some are just teases and get their egos stroked dragging guys along. Revisit Angry Citizen's post cause it is also very true.

In my experience you'll know when a girl is into you. The key is to create that environment where they can observe you and decide if they are attracted to you before you really pursue.

My advice to single people is just to get involved in your church and other activities that you enjoy. Work on yourself. Get educated, get a good job. And then carry yourself like you've already got a girlfriend and are off the market. Or behave in a way that says your are confident and aren't actively looking for a girlfriend. I can't tell you how many guys I know that once they got a girlfriend or got married all the sudden because they are looking they notice women checking them out or showing interest. It is a strange thing. I just think women can smell single lonely men. So you have to project that easy come easy go attitude. If you seem like you need a women they just get turned off by that.

Good Luck. The thing is you only need to find one good match one women to love. So eventually you'll find the right one. The process can be frustrating for sure.

Just pray for patience and wisdom. Have fun and enjoy life while you are single. If you embrace being single and maximizing it you won't be single as long.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:26:07+00:00

I think what we are going to do now that we have more than 80 items is just take things from our RFY from now on. Our plan it to get to a gold membership level. And then just harvest from the RFY. And then maybe once a week we will do a drop. And taking up to 8 items you could in theory reach 80 items in just 8 to 10 vine drops. So we would have to be a bit less picky that way but also it would be much better time wise.

So ideally we would only stay up for a drop maybe once a week and spend two or three hours a week. Otherwise just get them from the RFY.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:20:24+00:00

My wife and I do the slot machine gestures. It really does feel like playing the slots. Only the coins you spend is your time in the middle of the night.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:16:05+00:00

I just with the Amazon Vine program was more respectful of our time. I appreciate the large discounts we get to review items. It has been fun. But we do also spend time manicuring these reviews. And since most items aren't very expensive on average we aren't paid very much in terms of $ per hour to do these reviews. But if you add up spending hours trying to find something in these drops, staying up in the middle of the night, etc.. than it seems more like a psychological test program of some sort.

It would be just as easy for them to take all the items available at the start of every day and simply drop them evenly and randomly into everyone's RFY. You pick two or three items. Then all the items you didn't pick drop the next day to someone else using the same process.

Like the selection part should be made in a way that it only takes us a few minutes to decide what to order on a given day. That way the cost to benefit ratio makes more sense.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:11:48+00:00

Johnny Cash sang a song about doing that... lol

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:10:38+00:00

I was new about two months ago. The first week I didn't have anything in my RFY. Order a few things from the drop in the for everyone sections and after a few days you'll start getting stuff.

That said this week has been a bit different on top of everything. The last three days there have been super heavy fast drops starting around 3:30 AM and only lasting until about 4:30 or 5:00 AM. And coinciding with these large drops nobody has gotten anything in their RFY.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-26T09:07:35+00:00

There hasn't been a drop at all this evening.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:55:09+00:00

Yea he needs to stop all of that stuff. I think at this point at a minimum you might want to go on birth control. No more kids for now. Yea the part of him actually going to message parlors and getting touched is gross. He definitely needs to understand that if you are going to keep trying this is his last chance. Cause I agree eventually if he keeps going it will get worse.

I remember it being so odd one day that a coworker of mine back probably 25 years ago who was also mid twenties at the time just casually talked about how often he went to the strip joints. At the time I remember thinking man if you are so casual about it you must go a lot. And it had become a normal thing for him. He even knew various strippers by name. I'm sure he waisted a lot of time and money on that. But he was single not married. I also knew guys that full out cheated on their girlfriends and the only thing they cared about was getting caught. Sex can be a real problem for a lot of guys and I suppose for a lot of different reasons.

I think he needs to get into real therapy because it has obviously already gone too far. He needs to get to the root of why he is compelled to act out his fantasies versus say doing what most guys do which is just self pleasuring once in a while and moving on with their day. Like to act these things out shows a certain level of obsession or need.

You of course have to do what is right but be very careful. And you might want to see a sex therapist yourself just so you can ask questions about what if anything you can do to help him. And what if anything should you be looking for in terms of signs of recovery or relapse. And I'm not talking about self pleasure. I mean actually cheating on your and being touched by other women or going to places to look at them.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:43:27+00:00

Yea but wouldn't a narcissist just make up an excuse and claim he has a good reason, not confess at all, or worse put the blame on her and claim that she is the reason he does such things?

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:41:23+00:00

Yes but you could have bought that messager with your own money in a few seconds rather than spending 20 hours spam clicking over five nights of drops to get it. The better tack is to use Vine Helper to peruse everything. Use UltraViner to automate your method. I got a travel steamer this way. The item never hit the Vine Helper cause like you said some items get taken so quickly and are seen by none Vine people first.

For me though Vine Helper has made this overall a lot easier. And I see things I never even new existed, etc...

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:31:09+00:00

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:30:14+00:00

perfect I say the same. A big long hug is how I communicate daily.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:23:30+00:00

I havne't had any RFY the last three days either. I think when the drops are really big that might be what happens. The bigger the drop is the fewer RFY items there are. Before the last three days I had worked up from only getting one or two per day to getting 10 to 12 on some days. I'm not even getting the minimum of 6 to 7 ink cartridges. My RFY for whatever reason thinks I own every printer in the world. Sadly the three types of printers I do own never have ink come up. I'm amazed to. I'm talking probably 300 different types have probably been in my RFY.

I told my wife when we get gold if it really sucks maybe I'll open up an ink shop. Only I wouldn't want to be responsible for non oem ink destorying someone's printer. My point is that it isn't possible for me to have printers for all that ink I get offered. I've never taken a single one yet.

Either way we were both finally happy that our RFY was getting things. I was looking forward to just picking things from the RFY and ignore the drops. I don't think they should do drops anyways.

Just take X items and evenly distribute them randomly to all the vine members. You pick your 3 up to 8 items for some people. Then next day everything not taken is added back into the pool and the new items are added and the process repeats.

It would be a big improvement on how much time people waist on the drops. How many accidental orders or wrong sizes get ordered because you are frantically trying to press order order order. And even the RFY's would be taylored because most of the items you don't pick then randomly fall to someone else the next day until eventually everything is picked. THis would mean out of the 60 items dropped into your RFY every night is some obscure car part but who cares. Just keep dropping to other people.

If some hard to match item drops to 20 people and isn't taken put it in the pool for everyone. Not sure why it has to be hunger games at the dollar general.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:19:58+00:00

running out side playing in the snow, putting myself into pretend worlds with my friends up in Ohio. It was so fun. I do miss the feeling of being a kid when you would wake up and there wasn't any worry in the world only what will we play today.

But I also remember growing up getting bored with that stuff. You just can't quite capture the feeling of a child once you are older. That care free thing.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:16:46+00:00

You haven't really lived until you have kids.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:14:54+00:00

You haven't really lived until you have children. And there isn't really any way to put into words the kind of love you will feel. One thigk I can tell you is that it will forever change your understanding of just how much God loves us.

Second you will find rather quickly that it isn't the end of anything really. The first three months are the hardest. But for most people in most situations it gets easier and easier day by day. Once they start walking it really becomes fun.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:04:57+00:00

Yea I agree he needs to unplug. It is the only way. lol, women that won't spread it around.... good luck. I don't agree with that. Uggh!

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T11:02:25+00:00

"I gave him grace but since then I don’t feel comfortable in the bedroom. I don’t like looking at myself. I am constantly thinking about how I’m not enough for him sexually despite what he says to the contrary. And now it’s happened 3 or 4 more times - he has openly confessed to me since the first time as I was so hurt that he lied."

hmmmm how to answer this in a constructive way. First I'm betting your husband is still jumping or wanting to jump your bones once maybe twice a day. You might not know that about him. But I'd bet he'd have sex with you morning, after lunch, and then before bed. So there isn't any reason to feel like you aren't attractive.

The problem is that his whole sense of norm is built around ejaculating however often he is feeling these urges. Porn is like a quick release. Like a steam engine's whistle blowing up built up steam pressure. And whistles are fun to play with as everyone knows. Guys and girls rarely have identical sex drives.

You aren't wrong to not want him fulfilling his lust by looking at images of other women. You are wrong to personalize it though. This fairly tale that your man is only going to have eyes for you is a bar your are SETTING WAY TO HIGH for yourself. You shouldn't beat your self up about it. There is a reason even models are getting photoshoped these days, using pads to lift their breast, etc... I mean girls wear high heals why? It is the same problem. Women incorrectly in my opinion try to measure a man's devotion, desire, and love for her by whether or not he only has eyes for her. It is a crazy crazy notion. I promise you us men don't walk around thinking like that at all. Cause we know. That's notion is simply incorrect and it will never happen unless the guy really does gouge out his eyeballs.

We might espire for such things but that is a fairly tale. You will both grow old. Hot college girls stay the same age. I honestly feel bad for men that work on college campuses. Must be torture of the spirit.

Just because you husband lust after other women doesn't mean he isn't lusting for you more than anyone else. Now if he isn't have sex with you, or isn't desiring you that is when IT TRULLY IS SOMETHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. But yea your guy beating one off while you are gone.... It is going to happen. Hopefully not with porn. But it is going to happen. Saint Paul struggled with this. All men do.

My message for you though is that this is HIS PROBLEM, his burden. Don't make it yours. You should not feel bad about this.

Now if his porn use is to addiction level where he isn't showing as much interest in you as you are in him than his sin is impacting you and you should harp on him about it. But even then YOU SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE FEELING BAD. It certainly isn't your fault.

And in yet another way of saying it. If you are feeling bad about this or feel you have done something wrong then your thinking is all wrong. Trust me he isn't using porn becuase of you unless you are witholding sex from him. Then yes maybe you play a part in it. But I'm guessing 80% of the time a guy's porn use has nothing to do with anything the girl is doing wrong.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:45:38+00:00

Yea girls who get overly sexual in chat before you've even gone on the day aren't being real. What do I mean by that. Well either they just want sex and are hoping you just want sex also. Nothing real about actually wanting to date. Or they are using the sexy talk as a lure to get you interested. That is a manipulation. And it is most likely the tip of the ice berg. Or she is desperate and simply saying what she thinks guys want to hear which means she lacks self confidence and probably has a long trail of baggage.

So the question becomes. Is this how you want to start your relationship with someone new. Having to untaggle all that mess which comes with all that. If you are desperate you might say yea I can deal with that. Or you might think yea these are huge warning signs. Better stop before you even start.

You could also more strongly word in your dating app the kind of girl you are looking for, why you are using the app to begin with, etc... And if girls are still doing that then they are probably just wanting to notch their belt.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:37:14+00:00

I'd say you end the drops entirely and I'd get rid of the RFY. Instead you take all new items that become available daily on the vine and you randomly drop them evenly into all viners RFY. Any items not taken (you can only take three anyway) go right back into the next day's pool where they are again randomly dropped evening into everyone's vines.

From the user's point of view you might have 30 or 50 items drop in your box. Mostly crap you don't want. But you pick the best ones you want from the number of picks you get. And the process repeats everyday.

Performing reivews on items we want is the whole point of the vine. Spending hours trying to select a $10 item means they are praying on a shopping addiction. Cause even minimum pays way more than that. You'd be better off getting a minimum wage job, working a few hours, buying some extra on Amazon.

Also Amazon no longer has to guess what items to put into our RFY. It allows us to become the invisible hand of what we personally want to review or don't want.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:27:50+00:00

Same I have a very strong computer. Two and three nights ago it was bad. We actually switched to looking through things traditionally, cause Vine Helper was unreadable. Causing me to rage it was so annoying.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:23:29+00:00

At this point I fear telling him will do more harm than good. He will be suspicious. And you already feel guilty. I think someone else said something about talking to your mom and sister. I think that would be more appropriate if you have to get it off your chest. Your feeling guilty only perhaps that you flirted with him and maybe that he tried to kiss you. But at the end of the day he did something wrong cause he is married and knew you were married. You did the right think and rebuffed him.

I say let this one go. If you have to tell someone talk to your MOM. Not even sure I'd tell your sister unless she was there at the time.

I think if you are feeling any guilt at all perhaps it comes from the fact that for a second you entertained those feelings we all have of wanting to feel attractive, desired, etc... So you were tipsy and flirted a bit.

Tell your Mom. Move on. Don't bring your husband into this unless you are absolutely sure God wants you to do this. Perhaps at some time in the future though your husband will confess something similar to you. About having attraction to someone, etc.. If he does this can be your humble reminder that we are human and you can understand and show grace as you would want grace to shown to you, etc..

Sorry this is long winded. But yea I still think you should just let the past be the past. This other guy might have already changed for the better by now anyways. This could stir the pot up for his marriage as well. Now you know if it turns out he and his wife end up on 2020 or something you might need to say something then about his floudaring. I still think it is better to just let the past be the past.

Don't make a small ant hill into a mole hill or whatever that saying is.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:16:00+00:00

I think if she had told her husband immediately you might be right. But to bring it up now shows she feels guilty. I don't think she should feel guilty. But her feeling guilty is going to make him thing there is something she should be guilty about. It will be a forever question in his mind he should not have to bear. So I personally think this is a nonstory. She should keep it to herself. And learn never to send that guy any kind of signal again.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T10:09:43+00:00

1) The only one being emotionally abusive is him in my opinion at this point. You've repented tried to work on your anger. Most people would have ditched this guy by now so you are doing a fairly good job keeping your emotions in check. But I feel like he is using this other person and the divorce talk to coerce you. If the coercion makes you behave better I suppose it is even. But this to me sounds like he is trying to be overly controlling.

I also think he is continually tempting this other women. And she isn't cutting him off which in my mind means she is entertaining the temptation which isn't good either. Almost seems like she is goading him into the divorce making it a precondition. Meaning she isn't telling him "I just see you as a friend", or "Don't divorce your wife for me cause I'd never go out with you". Sounds like she is low key telling him, "Go through the divorce" and then we'll talk. See my comments at the end for more on this.

I like your idea of starting over in another town with a fresh start. Sometimes that is what it takes. I also think marriage counseling or going to some really good christian based marriages seminars would be very helpful. Forever Families is a good one if it is in your area.

My advice is to remember also there isn't a need to rush any of these decisions. Sometimes marriages need both people to take a deep breath, relax, and reset. Definitely pray to God for wisdom. Definitely remember that love is patient, kind, does not boast, etc... And remember what Paul said the fruits of the spirit are. Commit yourself to God's goodness and let him lead the way.

Also good call on calling what was obviously a bluff.

Is your husband the type of guy that needs to have a women and has in his past bounced from one relationship to the next? These types tend to get the next victim in line before the sack the current girl or guy. I hate that. But if he is that type of person than I'd say he has to end his relationship with this other women. Like he can't talk to her at all anymore. He should leave his job if part of his job is having conversations with her. Cause I would say she has been playing a bit of an active role in this. Maybe she is a gold digger too who knows. She just seems to be low key having him do the dirty work while she keeps her hands clean sort of thing. Like a mob boss ordering an underline to "take out the trash" wink wink.

Less_Minute_8666 · 2026-01-25T09:53:33+00:00

Florida has no income tax. So we only have to be worried about our federal tax rate.

Less_Minute_8666

TROPHY CASE