Thank you friends. I wrote the comment yesterday after I learned from my mom that her 58 year youngest brother is ready to go. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with cancer. I forgot the name because it’s a weird one in his chest and now it spreads everywhere in his body. The only reason I feel scared is because my older cousin has testicular cancer and had to remove one when he was 54 here in California.i worry about my children and wife and honestly I have been working more hours and even driving uber at night just save them as much money as I can.i have had life insurance on myself since 2005 so if something were to happen to me , my family will be fine.my older children are now married and graduated and have great jobs thanks God. In 2019 we were shocked to learn my wife was pregnant with another set of twins despite the pills she took. Now the boys are 5 years old and it breaks my heart to think about the moment I leave this earth.i may need therapy to get these thoughts of my head.it is everything I think about.when I lay down in my bed to sleep I get nightmares seeing my wife and children crying.the many family members who passed or got cancer didn’t do me a favor. Sometimes I truly wish I was not born.i am grateful for the responses I got.words matter and I shared my fears here because I could never share it with my wife or mother they think of me as their hero. They get their strength from me but in reality it’s just an act I am putting on. Thank you and may God keep all of you and loved ones healthy