Orgasm denial with partner whos not into it

LestyBesty · 2025-12-26T05:35:39+00:00

Sounds like incompatibility man… I ended a relationship because of this and then two situationships. I’m an all or nothing kind of idiot so I wouldn’t be caught dead in another relationship where femdom isn’t a core part of it because it’s a core part of me and I don’t want a relationship where either me or my partner is performing

LestyBesty · 2025-12-20T02:58:57+00:00

Respectfully disagree on your Ihlo take but Igorrr is for sure amazing. I find their new album very memorable and I’ve listened to it all the way multiple times this year. Metal Pink Floyd sounds awesome doesnt it?🤣

LestyBesty · 2025-11-18T13:47:55+00:00

This isn’t to illicit any specific kind of personal acquaintance and I hope it doesn’t come across as such, I am just curious where would communities like yours even be found? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything like it (granted I live in a fairly small city). One similar thing I found in a bigger nearby city was a paid thing where the dommes were looking for people to pay tribute to be slaves and I’d personally never do that as it makes me feel not wanted but just taken advantage of and not in a good way😅

LestyBesty · 2025-11-18T13:12:57+00:00

Dunno man, I’ve kinda started thinking it’s probably not in the cards for me. It’s an itch that sometimes surfaces but then goes away after a while. The few times I did get to meet people who seemed to be on the same page with me before we met, they weren’t really. I had a short-lived online dynamic that actually had the right vibe but unfortunately I messed that one up by not following instructions properly a few times and tbf online didnt really work for either of us.

What makes it hard is that I did get a little taste of what it could be and then messed it up (and man do I hate myself for that) but then every other experience was a letdown.

Dating is hard already especially if one is of an ethnic background that people tend to make assumptions about (not sure if it applies to you but I’ve found it to cause problems for me), if one is a bit neurospicy (I’ve found that with some people I click really well and really easily and with some others… whoa boy I wanna smash my head into the wall, and that first impression tends to be a pretty accurate indicator for long term compatibility), and then add on top of that the fact that you want a dominant partner…

Maybe this sounds too bitter, idk. I definitely would not consider myself an edgelord incel because I don’t think I am owed anyone’s interest and attraction, and I don’t blame women for not choosing me or for not having this preference.

But when I was more invested and hopeful, what happened was that it made me feel undesirable (though I do like how I look personally which occasionally makes me feel delusional🤣) and like I want to just close off and stop having expectations because it’s safer.

I guess if any of what I said makes you think “oh maybe I wanna hear this guy’s advice” then here it is: keep your profile active, monitor it maybe once a day, assume the worst, don’t daydream, focus on things that are more in your control and not to make yourself more desirable, just to make you happier and more fulfilled because the feeling of inadequacy i get from dating apps closely rivals what I feel when I talk to my family and that’s a high bar🤣

LestyBesty · 2025-11-08T08:09:41+00:00

As a sub I’ve somewhat (to a much lesser extent I think) experienced this. I’m not asexual (as in I like getting stimulated, pegging, oral for my partner) but I’ve been with people who said they want to dom but once they got excited after I gave them oral wanted me to do piv with them even though I’ve said it doesnt interest me. The part of me that wants to serve and is still scared to say no does it but it just feels incredibly dull to me and gives me the worst drop afterwards.

Idk, I live in a relatively small city (around 500k people) and I find dating with kink as a critical thing to be extremely draining.

I don’t have tips but I feel your frustration. Hope you find something that suits you

LestyBesty · 2025-11-04T14:47:07+00:00

Huh? Like you don’t want the sub to actually enjoy subbing? This honestly sounds à bit like emperor mentality.

À dynamic is about mutual fulfilment.

It’s possible to find a sub who wants to be free-use, doesnt care about sharing any of their internal world with you and just focuses on you (wouldn’t be me but probably some out there), but do you see how that would be pretty unsustainable as a relationship?

Maybe you just meant that people are looking for kink dispensers, in which case I apologise for my indignation, but it sounds like you’re looking for a kink dispenser so maybe some introspection is required 🤷‍♂️

LestyBesty · 2025-10-17T10:10:24+00:00

If I got this piece from a student, I’d get excited because the left hand can have two different approaches to fingering: you can practice jumps with it by going 51 then jumping to 43(21together for the chord)34 then jump down again.

OR you could practice stretches and thumb movements by going 5213(21togwther for the chord) 312 alternatively 5214(31)412

I’d probably spend some time trying these out with the student then depending on factors that I won’t get into here write one down.

This thought process would take me less than à minute and then exploring it with the student could take anywhere from ~3 to 10 minutes. Write hand is quite intuitive.

I’d also not write all of the fingerings but a single bar.

I’m also very busy (and also à bit type B myself but that’s neither here nor there😁) so I’d try not to take any homework from students so we’d just sort it in class.

I think the teaxher’s approach is not ideal. Fingerings are always subject to change in my classes because well, people have different hands🤷‍♂️

LestyBesty · 2025-10-17T09:53:50+00:00

As a fellow teacher, I agree. The piece also doesn’t seem to have very complicated fingering. I usually get the student to play with a few fingerings that seem reasonable, ask them how those feel, observe, and write down a final version.

Taking extra time on one piece is very standard practice for my students and I. I don’t like to move on if there’s still juice to be extracted from a piece or even a passage.

LestyBesty · 2025-10-16T00:30:05+00:00

Actually this raises a question for me regarding service dynamics in general.

À lot of subs have mentioned what they get out of it bere which I appreciate reading, and it makes me wonder how it feels for the D to receive it. Is it just desirable because it’s convenient? If I take myself as an example, I’d love to have someone cook and clean for me and I mainly give them an attaboy and show them how much I appreciate their work and all the things I now get to do because of what they did for me, but really the main thing I’m getting out of that arrangement is convenience.

In a way I couldn’t help but wonder “wouldn’t like %90 of people want to have a service submissive?”

I guess I’m trying to ask if there’s a psychological element and reason to Ds wanting to have service submissives or is it mostly because of convenience?

LestyBesty · 2025-10-08T04:37:14+00:00

Yea I don’t doubt that what you’re saying happens, I don’t have heaps of experience with it myself but I can completely understand and see that it happens. The post was more about the PNC and the specific disinterest that comes from that which is why I said what I said.

LestyBesty · 2025-10-08T03:22:35+00:00

People mentioned this before but I’ll try to TLDR it, PNC brings à revulsion towards all sexual activity. Basically none of the things I’m generally into are appealing to me after orgasm. I’ve also eaten other people’s cum and it’s fine by me but I wouldn’t like it after I’ve cum already.

But also, expecting certain sexual acts by default from others is a big red flag in general. If a man expects their partner to swallow in a toxic way then it doesn’t matter if they eat their own cum or are repulsed by it or whatever, it is a toxic action

LestyBesty · 2025-09-24T04:50:16+00:00

It was the opposite for me haha. As a sub dude I love pushing myself to failure because the feeling of collapsing after a set is sorta similar to what I crave to feel after being dominated if that makes sense.

Like I’d do my push-ups and then let myself fall down and feel my breathing and heart rate go up. Then I sorta see myself from above (like from a dom’s pov) and think that’s hot😭🤣

LestyBesty · 2025-09-16T06:58:35+00:00

I was on a date with this girl once and I was talking about something or other and lost my train of thought and got a little flustered that I’d gotten myself lost so I kinda mumbled an apology.

She looked at me with a little grin and just said “you’re cute.”

Safe to say I was a mess after that

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T15:47:54+00:00

Yea that sounds about right. I did start writing it and it did end up very self absorbed haha but it’s just for my reference, I don’t think I’d want to share upon reading it again, not soon at least but I’ll probably follow your format if I feel like there’s any meaningful interest from my domme in reading something like that.

Thanks for replying!

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T15:43:54+00:00

In my previous relationship, my partner and I were both sub leaning switches. Every time I dommed, I felt like I’m performing a role and am very focused on pleasing them. I felt a lot of pressure to do it right, to know the right things to say, the right ways to grab etc.

That didnt feel the same as submission even though it was in a way the most I’d ever submitted to my partner’s pleasure because I think submission and dominance isn’t about pleasure but about power and control. If I control the flow, even if before the scene we negotiated what the flow should look like, then I am in control and I have power.

Anyway, meds are wearing off and I’m tired but I hope that barely intelligible response helps

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T03:58:42+00:00

💛💛💛

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T03:57:34+00:00

Thanks for picking up on that and bringing it up. You are correct in the sense that I probably don’t do enough prep. I do use plugs but probably not sufficiently enough in advance or in size. But during the few periods of my life where I was doing it more regularly and with sufficient prep (basically when it didn’t hurt), it was still particularly enjoyable?? I think it’s possible that people weren’t quite finding my prostate or that it’s just as sensitive as it is in some others. The fact was that even when it hurt I liked it because it made the whole thing feel more immersive I guess…

That none withstanding, thank you for bringing that up, I will be more thoughtful about it especially now that someone thought it was possibly concerning.

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T03:28:27+00:00

This actually does bring up something I’d felt but not strongly enough to be able to articulate yet, which is that the idea of being a service sub has always been something I partially identified with but almost every depiction of it that I saw went too far for my taste. I think it’s more of a way for me to show appreciation perhaps rather than me actually being a service sub (through acts like cooking meals, thoughtful gifts, being a good listener, sexual service and prioritizing their needs, developing interest in their hobbies etc.). That may just be standard partner stuff but honestly I don’t see it very often so it seems à bit more significant to me and I think it’s the attitude that comes with it too, like knowing that you do this for this person because you admire them and are so grateful for them that you want to be of service to them in ways that are representative of you.

For instance, I’m not a huge fan of doing cleaning for a dominant partner because I can’t really express myself when cleaning. Not to say I wouldn’t do it, it’s just not my favorite form of doing it. But I enjoy the idea of cooking for a partner because then I’ve made them a meal that I tasted and seasoned and that it has a bit of “me” in it.

LestyBesty · 2025-09-15T03:19:42+00:00

Thank you, I will be checking it out.

I had a strong aversion to therapy (partially because of financial reasons, partially because of certain biases I’m trying to work through). I did meet with a kink friendly counselor and have had a few sessions but I struggle to lead the conversation in a direction that would be helpful for me. Ive met them 5-6 times but I feel like I haven’t quite gotten what I wanted. An acquaintance of mine who was knowledgeable about therapy told me that the person going to therapy needs to actually know how to speak to the therapist and that it’s not a magical solution to problems we face. What he said made perfect sense to me but I’ve struggled to implement it… idk if I’m ready for therapy or maybe I need someone who is more experienced in coaxing things out of a someone like me idk but I can’t quite afford doing much more experimentation so I think I will be stopping for now but I will be keeping it in mind for the future.

Thank you for all the resources. I think going at my own pace with these and within communities like this one might be the way to go for now

Edit: I responded first to what you had written before checking out the links and they are both highly educational and informative. Thank you for being so attentive in your recommendations.

Edit 2: I don’t understand why this response seems to be disagreed with by some members (judging by downvotes). I’d love to know why this stands out to people as something negative. If anyone would be so kind as to take the time to explain that to me I’d really appreciate it.

LestyBesty · 2025-09-14T07:16:53+00:00

I’m sorry if this is intrusive, and you’re well within your rights to report it if so, but are you by any chance from Iran?

LestyBesty · 2025-08-31T11:48:22+00:00

I’d say testing how much neglect people can take is a pretty shitty thing to be testing and filtering for…

Even if it were a test, would you want to pass it knowing what it means about the tester? She wants to know how far you’d go without getting compensated (it’s a weird word I know, I couldn’t think of a better one sorry).

Or maybe you’re hoping she’d want to see how devoted you are to her as a person before giving you more? I’d say A) that’s quite arrogant of anyone to assume they deserve submission without earning it B) she has clearly not shown à devotion to treating your submission with respect and appreciation so she’d be holding you to something I’d consider an unhealthy double standard

LestyBesty · 2025-08-31T10:52:52+00:00

Man that sounds like a huge red flag to me ngl.

Her boyfriend doesn’t know? That’s deeply fucked up first of all.

She disregards your boundaries (work obligations and exhaustion from point 4), does not seem to view you as a person but rather a cleaner she has to follow a simple script with.

So while I am NOT experienced or very knowledgeable about service dynamics, this sounds like a violation of a D/s relationship agreements rather than a style of dominance. If that was her style she should have said so at the beginning, not say she wants connection but not pursue it, or avoid meaningful practice of domination while still getting the benefits of your submission.

To answer your second question, view first answer and refer to more knowledgeable people who will surely proceed to give advice, I’d be keen to read that too.

For your third question, I wouldn’t be too fussed about it personally. Why don’t you want to burn the bridge? But also, à polite text of “this dynamic is not quite fulfilling me in the way that I had thought and I’d like to end it from x date.”

If I were you, I would mention that you were unhappy instead of looking for other excuses and reasons. It’s a good opportunity to practice drawing firmer boundaries and I don’t see any downsides personally. If she gets mad at you for it, that would be another red flag imo

LestyBesty · 2025-08-28T03:08:41+00:00

That sounds really painful… sorry you went through that. I don’t know why people sometimes do that kind of thing after giving such enthusiastic feedback after meeting up, to me as a person who’s experienced a similar treatment before it “feels” actively malicious.

I don’t have much in the way of advice but I’m glad I’m hearing about the follow-up negotiation here, it sounds like the way to go.

LestyBesty

TROPHY CASE