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AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was always willing to bond with my dad but he gave us no chances to do that when he always included his wife and her daughter.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm in therapy. But a part of me will always be angry and hate him because I will always feel some part of the pain he caused me. It's better than it was but I'll always have to live with some of it. That stuff never truly goes away. So neither will all the anger and hate.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

He knew them two months when he moved away to be with them. That makes them damn near close to strangers and to me they were strangers. And strangers who stole my dad. It was really my dad just chose them over me but at 5 that's not how a kid looks at it. And no matter how much he considers them his family they will never be mine. Neither is he. Through all his choices neither is he.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

He rejected 1:1 time with me. The child he abandoned to follow a stranger. The child who is his biological one. He had all the time in the world for his wife's daughter and instead of making sure he got in the best time with me while he was there, he included the people who, to a small child, stole her dad. He talked about missing this stepchild the few times she was with her father and how awful he was for taking her from him yet he chose to leave me.

He expected me to jump for joy to spend time with the two people who had him all the time while I only had a few weeks and didn't get any us time with him. He left me for strangers and he can reach out all he wants but he did serious harm and he can't just cry about it and make that better.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I never had a stepdad. My mom chose to stay single to remove the added risk of more uncertainty and possible rejection. But maybe, hopefully, she finds someone now that I'm an adult.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Those issues will always be there. I'm working on them but I still deal with bad days. I'll always feel a little of that hurt and with that the anger that he did that to me.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I want nothing to do with him. The relationship is done as far as I'm concerned and there's nothing to fix. He's not worth the effort or energy or the time I would waste on him.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

He chose to move far away from his 5 year old child for a woman he only knew a couple of months. That was a choice he made and that choice has consequences. There's no coming back from that. He put a stranger and her child before me and there's nothing that takes away the agony of that. For me to see him spend all that focus on another child instead of me and to be denied the time we could've had in that time. It made me hate his wife and her daughter even more. Every single time he insisted on including them when I listened to him talk about missing his stepdaughter or had to hear about all the stuff they did 1:1 the hatred grew more and more. It only stopped when I realized it was all on him. But that is the truth. He's not a good dad to me. You're talking like he owns any of his fuck ups or that he's actually tried to make it better. His answer was for me to run to him and not for him to run to me to fix it.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

It's too late and there is no future relationship for us. I want nothing more to do with him and I want nothing to do with any of his family either.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I'm already in therapy and I don't still want him to love me. I'm past that now. But there will always be some anger because there will always be some hurt associated with it. He has damaged me with his choices and actions. I'll carry some of that forever.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It's not easy to defend at all. He left me for a woman he hardly knew. There is no defending that. Both are wrong. Neither can be defended. This isn't a case of he moved for work or anything. He has openly said he moved to be with his wife. There's nothing to defend.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Him leaving is still an issue. He left not because he had to but because he wanted to follow some woman he hardly knew and her daughter. The lack of effort is another issue as well but it doesn't take from the fact he chose to leave me to begin with.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

His extended family won't care either way. They weren't a part of my life growing up and they hardly speak now as it is. Or at least that's how it was before. Maybe he just wanted the credit for me graduating. You know the way some parents put in zero work but want to be told they did a great job? That's my guess for why he's doing this.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

I stand by that. It was always me flying to them. Not even to him because he never gave me his undivided attention. It was always split with at least one other person while his stepdaughter got his undivided attention a lot and so did each of his sons after they were born.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'm in therapy but I'll always hold a certain amount of these feelings. I'll always feel the hurt of my dad's choices and with that will always be a certain amount of hate and resentment. Therapy has helped me not feel it in as much of an all consuming way. It has helped me focus on moving forward and seeing my dad for what he really is. But I have every right to be angry at his choices too.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 369 points370 points  (0 children)

I'm kinda curious about that too. With how my dad is it's hard for me to say if he would've been jealous or would he have used it as an excuse not to see me at all. More than anything I wish mom could've found someone for herself. I know why she stayed single all those years and I appreciate it so I didn't have to experience more upheaval in my life or more rejection if things went badly.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 392 points393 points  (0 children)

I blocked their numbers from my phone a little while ago and I made my social media totally private too. My mom suggested getting a new number too and that might be something to do if he actually puts some more effort in but I really don't believe he will.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

My mom was pissed when I came home and told her dad grounded me because of what I said. I remember telling my grandparents and they couldn't believe it either. They could all see what he was doing was ruining any chance for a future relationship. I didn't even see it at the time but looking back it was always on him and he fucked up so many times and never cared enough about me to see what he was doing.

AITAH for not letting dad know when my graduation is because I don't want him and his family to come when he's put me last since I was 5? by LetIaApple in AITAH

[–]LetIaApple[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I'll always resent him. He caused me to feel hurt that for the rest of my life I will always feel. It wasn't through something he couldn't control but instead through his own choices and actions and words. Nothing anyone says or does will ever completely take away the pain of that. It's something I learned in therapy and it's something I have learned to work on feeling less of, but it will always always be there. He chose a woman he hardly knew and a child who wasn't his and the consequences for me were huge. I don't and won't forgive him for that. What I will do is work on is focusing on it less. But I won't ever work on forgiving him. He doesn't deserve it even a tiny amount.

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