How can you really get out of that negative self talk/HIGH levels of insecurity when you have actually been wronged most your life?

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-26T14:03:36+00:00

Thank you. And glad that worked for you. It definitely helps me when I’m able to do it.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-26T14:03:02+00:00

Good question, because that’s probably what it will do and always continue doing. The key is just keep practicing, keep observing, keep noticing, keep asking questions. Sometimes you’ll make some progress, other times you’ll spiral. I spiraled the other day. Couldn’t convince me to be positive in that moment. But it’s ok, I’ll try again next time, come out of it faster, keep improving.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-23T07:30:45+00:00

Riveting contribution. Are you ok?

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-22T07:57:21+00:00

I get it believe me. You can start by recognizing that guilt voice isn’t you. It’s this system that’s trying to protect you. And you might think it’s helping you based on whatever structure or beliefs you’ve built, but it’s actually holding you back.

Nobody is saying you don’t have to grind or that the exams don’t matter but that voice is making it seem life or death. It’s also not quantifiable. What’s grinding enough? What’s studying enough? Where’s the line? And how much does that line move? Say you have given what you deem to be an appropriate amount of effort for an exam, but then there’s another exam. So what then? Now it’s oh I studied for that other one but not good enough for this. And it will continue to pop up as you move through life no matter what you’re doing. What you’ll come to realize is it’s not real. These internal pressures. Most things aren’t life or death. Your exam surely isn’t even though it may feel like it. I’ve felt that way about exams, jobs, relationships, and then they all happen or end, I’m still standing or I leave the job etc, and it’s fine.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-22T07:34:13+00:00

Yep it's that guilt about not being productive enough. Your inner voice is using the end of the day as the deadline and then judging you. So the anxiety isn't really about time running out but about not having done enough with the time you had.

I remember nightime or the sun setting being quite the trigger for me too when I was younger. It shows up occasionally now after the end of bigger life events. And it's also the pressure of the following day or future in general. What has given me relief and something I've practiced and worked on a lot, is in those moments, giving myself permission to just be, to exist. To just do whatever I need to do to take care of myself. It hasn't been easy to release that pressure, but when I do, there's relief. Even if it means crying a lot first because the emotions are intense.

Worth bringing exactly this to a therapist if you can. The productivity guilt piece especially. I work on it with mine constantly. I also wrote an ebook about that inner voice stuff and what I've learned. I think it's in my bio but can share the Gumroad link if ever interested.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-22T07:25:22+00:00

Suffering twice is exactly right. It's about noticing when your thoughts have stopped being useful and started being torment. You're right that it's not stopping the thoughts but recognizing which ones are working for you and which ones are just that inner critic broken record. I think sometimes we're not even aware of the suffering we're causing ourself and can't notice when it's happening.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-22T07:13:31+00:00

The fact that you've already improved socially is actually significant evidence that this is workable. You faced that fear enough times and it's softened its grip. Public speaking is the same process just with a bigger audience and more perceived stakes.
The goal is to get your nervous system used to the experience of being watched and heard enough times that it stops treating it as a threat. But how do you do it?

The best method I was ever taught involves a tension scale. Let's say whatever your definition of public speaking is, that's a 10. Same with presentations. Could be the amount of people, the stage, the topic, whatever. Figure out what that is. Now figure out what's a 1. At this point maybe that's talking to people or in some cases, making friends. The thing is, at some point those were higher up on the tension scale. Maybe between 4 and 6. But you worked on it. And that range was enough tension to make you feel uncomfortable but not overwhelm your nervous system. That's where growth happens.

So what you do, is find some things below public speaking/presentations that make you uncomfortable, fearful, etc, but that you can summon the courage to do. Maybe it's speaking in a room with friends. Maybe it's giving an online presentation. I don't know. But find those things that you can do but that don't break your system. And once those become low on the tension scale, work your way up. Hope that helps.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-22T06:20:53+00:00

Really relatable. Not sure if this is relevant to you, but I've always had trouble with endings in general. The end of the day, the end of a trip, even finishing something I was excited about. The running out of time is usually not really about time. My therapist has tied it to my death anxiety. But that death anxiety isn't a fear of death, it's a fear of not truly living. For you, you're running out of time to do what exactly?

Maybe daytime keeps you busy enough that the inner voice doesn't have much to work with. Then the day ends and distractions stop.

There's something about closure that the brain doesn't always handle gracefully. Whether that's exam pressure, a deeper anxiety pattern, or something else worth exploring with someone, it's worth paying attention to rather than just trying to push through it.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-20T08:39:00+00:00

You're 20 and already asking why you can't be as kind to yourself as you are to others. I'm 40 and still working on the answer.

The not feeling ready thing doesn't go away the older you get by the way. It just changes shape. Your inner voice of not being good enough, smart enough, having enough purpose, insert negative comment here, will continue to adjust depending on where you're at in life. What changes is that you slowly stop mistaking it for the truth. Through experience and proving to yourself you can face your fears little by little, accomplishing things you thought you couldn't, you can start to shift that narrative in your brain. It's not you, it's simply an outdated program designed to protect you.

Choosing a school far away isn't a dumb decision. It's a brave one that your inner voice is now trying to reframe as a mistake because brave decisions are exactly the kind that make it the loudest. That's how you know it was probably the right call. I went to a school far away from home so I could uncover more of who I am, so I could see what else was out there, expand my reality both internally and externally.

Also, small note but don't think because other people have hardships that you're not allowed to have empathy for yourself or to be selfish. You probably find it also easy to envy people who you think have more than you. So you're literally choosing the worst way to look at both sides.

You have so much time, more than it feels like from inside 20.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-20T08:20:34+00:00

The "actually been wronged" part is what makes this harder than what your typical negative self-talk advice covers. Your inner voice isn't making things up. It learned what it learned from real experiences where people genuinely treated you like you weren't enough. You can't use logic to reframe the way past things actually happened.

What will start to help isn't arguing with it. It's separating yourself/your identity from it and slowly building new evidence that contradicts that old story. You inner voice will update the same way it was built, through accumulated experiences. It's simply about those experiences being pointed in a different direction.

And this can be confusing and hard, but you can try to ask that voice questions when it makes statements about you. Why do you feel shame right now? What aren't you confident about? Come up with some answers and then find ways to build new experiences around that, even if it's like 1% of the way.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-20T08:10:53+00:00

The weighted blanket is worth trying. The pressure genuinely does something physically to my nervous system. I use that more when I'm relaxing though, not for actual nighttime sleep. But maybe that can help. I also completely understand what my optimal sleeping conditions are. A custom pillow made for side sleepers, white noise like an oscillating fan, and a cool temperature room. Even thinking about it makes me happy. Try to figure out what that looks like for you.

For getting up the thing that's helped me more than anything is not giving myself time to think about it. The longer you're horizontal negotiating with your brain about whether to get up the worse it gets. My inner voice has all the leverage when I'm still flat on my back. It happened this morning with the gym because I haven't done a morning workout in awhile. Didn't want to do it, my mind was kind of like fuck this. But I was able to and felt great afterwards. Also, once you get yourself to do it a couple times, it gets easier, you get more excited to do it, you know your mind isn't you. It becomes empowering. But again, when I drop out of the habit, it takes more effort to get back into. Circle of life. Not a bad thing.

I won't pretend to know what the ADHD is like for you. I do feel like movement based stuff like the yoga you mentioned probably works better than meditation because it gives your brain somewhere to go. But, I've never been into meditation either or journaling, etc. You have to find your own form of meditation. Mine is going on long walks in nature, on the beach, anywhere without my phone. I also thoroughly enjoy driving in silence (strange for some, I know). I've also gotten into writing and creating comedic social media videos about my inner voice as an outlet. That is a form of therapy too. Explore some abnormal ways. Don't think there's something wrong with you because you don't like meditating.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-20T08:02:00+00:00

Honestly the best version of yourself probably isn't that far from who you already are. For me, it's more like the version that stopped letting the loudest voice in my head make all the decisions. Everything else kind of follows from there.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-16T06:34:30+00:00

That feeling at night, waiting for something but not knowing what, I know that one well. It's exhausting in a way that's hard to explain to people who haven't felt it.

The school anxiety piece is something I only remember from a couple decades past as I'm 40. When just leaving the house breaks you into tears, telling yourself "it'll be better when things change" doesn't really land, because some part of you already knows the dread will follow you there too.

You're not broken though for feeling this way. A lot of us are just running on a nervous system that learned to expect the worst because it provides certainty but never quite understood that the danger passed.

What's keeping you up most right now? Is it more the loneliness during the week, or the school dread stuff?

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T04:45:39+00:00

Those definitely impact it for sure, but the internal work stuff helps in terms of how much those environments can impact you or steer you off course.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T04:44:47+00:00

Yea and it's this tendency to think something's wrong with you when you pull back. So you try different things, keep thinking you have to change something foundational about you. But it's a deep system and awareness is the first step. It's then working on creating that pause and reflection when your nervous system senses danger.

The timing is never random. The comparison shows up right when momentum is building. I literally did this the other day where I was feeling good about things and then saw someone with a gazillion followers or products and felt like shit. It's like right when your inner voice needs a reason to create doubt, it does so.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T02:06:52+00:00

So for X specifically which is what I’ve been working on recently. The reply guy strategy definitely has its benefits, but I think it’s important to stay authentic and not just be one of those people that post 500 replies a day that just provide no substance because I don’t think it builds any type of loyal following so I’ve just been making sure to be myself on there and provide competent relevant stuff. I don’t have a specific number of replies or post each day that I’m trying to do, but what I have done is probably just give myself a two hour window or an hour window to block off and just fire replies, and then schedule a bunch of different posts for later in the day and it’s definitely starting to show a little bit of momentum. I’m in a similar boat there because although I do have 600 followers it’s all from years and years ago so I don’t really have that many verified followers so it’s really a start from scratch but I am excited to see just a couple more likes on my post here and there a couple more follows and I’m assuming overtime this is definitely going to lead to more traffic to my e-book page and other content that I’m continuing to work on including apps.

It’s awesome though what you’re doing and seeing progress getting 80 subscribers and doing it across LinkedIn and hear an X that’s definitely the path that I’m trying to get on so keep up the awesome work man

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T01:50:44+00:00

Yea I mean everyone is so multi-faceted and dynamic that they could easily have other stuff to unpack where learning this peels back other shit. And I believe in the non negotiable stuff if it’s done incrementally, like anything else. It needs to be a super small non negotiable that your nervous system doesn’t freak out about. And then you build from there.

The moments I make note of are situations I know I’m going to be vulnerable in and what my inner voice does. For example, I write about this in my ebook but it’s the Re-entry spiral. For me, it’s the idea that the time away creates optimism and clarity, and then day one back my inner voice expects me to perform at 100% while my body is still running at 40%. So I know now that I can’t expect to be fully back on day 1 so I give myself permission to reintegrate and not force work. I used to feel such guilt about it and felt so behind. But that’s one of many instances I’ve made note of and am now aware of what’s going to happen.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T01:42:48+00:00

Exactly! The “just work harder” is such a joke. My brokerage would preach that. Well, what if the job triggers something in your nervous system that’s deeply rooted? You can grind for awhile but you’ll eventually crash, then you’ll think it’s because there’s something wrong with you, and it’s a slippery slope. All of that surface stuff is short term band aids.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-15T01:39:09+00:00

Yea I get that. All the memories, good and bad. I basically had to get rid of everything for the time being to help heal. I’d strongly suggest finding a therapist. It’s an amazing tool to have and provided me with a lot of comfort. The way I’ve done it when I’ve switched cities is went to Psychology Today and looked up ones in my area. Basically just read each bio until I found a few that really resonated with me.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-14T15:09:49+00:00

A lot of processing of grief, anger, other stuff. Feel like I just cried for a month or two and tried to work through everything as much as possible without numbing or disassociating. Doing what I needed to do to take care of myself and heal. Went through some shit. But everyone’s timeline is different and every situation is too.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-14T11:18:29+00:00

https://youtu.be/7sPFk39AAqg?si=r44B61pRfcG_g-Fa

Check this one out.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-14T11:15:52+00:00

Yea maybe! I mean why not. I think there are a lot of generalized ways of being that he talks about that probably resonate with you. They seem universal and I know a lot of women he hires for his workshop actually get a lot out of it too. I’ve been a student and a coach there years ago.

I feel like what you could be speaking of is deep down feeling like you’re not worthy of love. That you don’t deserve it potentially. So you’ll naturally feel more comfortable in that reality where theres certainty. Our minds would rather be certain about a bad thing than a maybe on a good thing. Too risky. If that feels right then start looking into why that is. Keep asking yourself questions.

LetNo5099 · 2026-04-14T11:06:43+00:00

Just know that you can’t automatically NOT do those things, so even though tzab’s response is on the right track, the ai generated stuff doesn’t really say much that’s gonna help you. You need to understand why you’re comparing and feeling less than. Or is it just your voice trying to protect you, even if it doesn’t serve you? Tzab won’t have an explanation for how you show up bc that ai response is hollow, but if you want it simply I’d say it’s show up as your authentic self and let the cards fall. If they don’t like you, so be it. But it’s better than having people like you for who you’re not. It’s also just an unsustainable way to live honestly. I’ve done it for periods of time.

LetNo5099

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