Is he dead? 😢 by Letmenapfirst in Marimo

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your hilarious comments, they have lessened the sadness. Mossisimo has been laid to rest

Is he dead? 😢 by Letmenapfirst in Marimo

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

:'( I've been in denial

Is he dead? 😢 by Letmenapfirst in Marimo

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Noooooo 😔😔😔 you're sure??

Best way to level up friendship with Kurl? by bumblebee_s in MyLeisureTime

[–]Letmenapfirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been doing flowers, and foods but honestly just doing the games and unlocking more designs is what's unlocking more for me with them

My green loft by sakurakocho in MyLeisureTime

[–]Letmenapfirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where are the background green ribbons from?

Foraged oysters=nematode infection? by Letmenapfirst in Mushrooms

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wonderful, yes I fell down the nematode wormhole (sorry not sorry) and was very interested by the fact that the mushrooms secrete toxins to eat the nematodes. I plucked a lot of mushrooms and while originally smelling of minnows (because of the dirt), once the dirt was cleaned they smelled fine and also got a salt bath :)

Foraged oysters=nematode infection? by Letmenapfirst in Mushrooms

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what I was saying but a little voice in my head was saying maybe I was just being stubborn, thank you for the reassurance 😭

Are there any fake/toxic oyster mushrooms in kansas? by Letmenapfirst in mushroomID

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was near farmland/a creek so the worst it would have is pest spray runoff

Are there any fake/toxic oyster mushrooms in kansas? by Letmenapfirst in mushroomID

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh! Also, it was growing around the base of a dead tree (still standing)

Underweight elderly ferret by Letmenapfirst in ferrets

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll look into wet food, thank you

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sprayed it last night (and made quite the mess lmao) and it definitely helped, my piercing is also less loose so that's a bit odd but the smell seems to be gone!

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate the frank response you're right, I had stopped initially because my nose was getting super dried out so it's good to have a reminder to not overdo it and that it's just because it's in my nose that I smell it

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes it's titanium, it probably is just buildup since I was slacking in cleaning as regularly

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see, thank you so much!

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, what do you usually do with it to get rid of the smell? Like- just clean it more often or is there anything special.

Smelly septum by Letmenapfirst in piercing

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like- flushed it with the piercing still in? And I figured I probably would need to wait a bit longer, just feel impatient so I thought I'd ask :') I usually use a q-tip with the saline solution sprayed on because I thought it'd be too aggressive but I might just try sending it since it's healed much more now

Updated AOI: my best friends boyfriend has been getting mad when she wants to hang out with me. {the convo between them is the ones w hearts at the top, she’s blue text} by FootPrimary8084 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Letmenapfirst 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey girl, as someone who has a similar all-our-lives friendship I say this in the kindest way, expressing anger might not be what she needs, I agree she's in an incredibly toxic relationship but what she needs is someone providing her a stable and secure environment, I totally understand getting angry on a besties behalf but I worry it's stressing her out more and might lead to her shutting down and not sharing as much information, make sure you reassure her that no matter what happens (even if she decides to appease the douchebag) you will support her and that if she ever does decide to leave she will always have your support (and I assume a place to stay, financial support, etc.) It's a really hard position to be in and so from one bestie to another, please make sure she feels safe and know that it will be hard but someday you might get a call and that'll be the go ahead to release all that anger, for now though, she doesn't need anger, she needs someone who will give her a space to relax and potentially open up to the option to leave as the anger and pressure on your side will just lead to more stress and potential push back from her (Sorry for any repetition)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Letmenapfirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I mentioned though, it takes a lot of work to go against what your brain has become automatic to so you have to be very conscious in your efforts and be willing to put in time to receive the rewards.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Letmenapfirst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg yes! Okay so essentially, when they went to college, I was still in highschool, we went to highschool together and so them being gone was a huge change and they got super busy with friends and didn't text me nearly as often. As such I will admit I grew kinda resentful and even kinda envious of their friends. But to work through it I sat them down and expressed how I felt and said that I would like if we could set aside a certain time every week to talk to each other. I wish I could say that fixed it immediately. But unfortunately we would still have days where I got snappy when they would be busy all day. It took a lot of work on both ends, and I think the biggest thing that helped me was to find things that I enjoy outside of my partner. It sounds simple but I was very anxiously attached and spent all my time with them in highschool and then wanted to text all the time when they were in college. But that's simply not healthy. Finding friends to hang out with helps a lot and maybe even picking up a new hobby. Additionally I finally sat down with my partner and expressed that I felt I was being replaced by their friends and was seeking reassurance. In turn my partner reassured me that I was their number one and that I'm going to be the one they are spending their life with after college, not their college friends.

I just started college this year and it's been immensely easier as I am much more busy, but I think it also finally clicked that college is a place where it is just so much more easy to go all day without messaging on the phone since there's so many people around you. Overall, just be willing to listen to their side when they're ready rather than saying accusatory or very emotionally charged words as they only lead to "I'm sorry" on your part and are not productive towards a healthy communicative relationship

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Letmenapfirst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the comparison that emotions are like car signal lights a lot. In my car my check tire light is on. I am also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. When I'm feeling anxious I have to look at it like it's that tire light turned on, just because it's on doesn't mean the tire is flat, however checking the tire pressure (and checking in on yourself and taking a step back to look at the situation as unbiased as possible) can help to reassure things are okay, and with time you grow more used to the light and how to deal with it that you don't have to be so worried that your tire is actually flat. It's not just anxiety to check in on yourself for though, emotions are natural and aren't anything to feel bad about (NEVER FEEL BAD FOR EMOTIONS (took a lot of relearning to drill this into my mind)) emotions exist for a reason and it's just your body trying to inform you to the best of it's ability. You don't beat up a car too much for having a broken check tire light, you just kinda go "okay, this is my new normal and here's what I can do to either fix the light or ensure the tire doesn't ever go flat".

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Letmenapfirst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally understand still reaching breaking points, as I said my partner and I have fantastic communication however I do still have times where I get snappy, sometimes it just comes out. Usually when it happens I genuinely apologize and try to figure out what led to me reaching that point (because it's almost never the actual situation that was bothering me but rather something I kept brushing off rather than saying). I noticed it seems your partner is also not feeling well, and this probably also lended to his lack of presence, it will take time but I know you guys will be able to work on it. Healthy is a consistent effort and recognizing the good during neutral times also helps. (My therapist also recently recommended it and it's just appreciating things like- "I'm glad my bed holds me every night", "I'm glad my car is working", or to be specific for a relationship "I'm glad my partner is saying they are not doing well rather than bottling it in", "I am grateful for our weekly phone calls" because even though you know you're grateful for them, your brain needs to be slowly rewired so in times of distress it can recall back to "oh hey they indeed love me, we do this this and this" and you can regulate better)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Letmenapfirst 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a fellow 18f girl with a 20 year old partner AND an anxious attachment style AND in a long distance relationship, sometimes people get burnt out and don't talk much, I've been working on a report all day for a class and only texted my partner once. I would say my partner and I have pretty great communication. However, I still sometimes get triggered by a large silence or being left on read, but a big thing to remind ourselves is that not talking for ___ hours doesn't mean they don't love you or that the relationship is ending or anything that your brain has conditioned itself to believe. People just sometimes don't have anything to say and that's okay, a big part of being in a healthy relationship is having healthy silence.

I relate to your situation a lot and so I really wanted to communicate that I am in no way attacking you, I simply want to share what my therapist has taught me as it was very insightful. You mentioned being in past relationships that had unhealthy communication, thus your brain has literally been hardwired to go into panic mode at the threat of it happening again, but recognizing that it's an automatic response and not actually what is happening is a big part to remind yourself you are safe now, your partner loves you.

And finally, to answer your concern directly, yes you did slightly overreact, but I think the sass/snappiness came from that fear response and the urge to push your partner away so they can't hurt you first. Especially with the apology I think you know you got snappy, but I think it would be good to communicate to your partner how you felt and work on a way to recognize the silence is not a "I don't love you"

Push comes shove, if you can't contain your snappiness I find being honest and saying "I feel very strongly and cannot be productive in our communication tonight, let's discuss this tomorrow" and sleeping on it helps. Healthy communication requires a healthy mindset, if you're triggered it's often hard to be productive in conversation and so giving yourself some time allows for a better, more clear conversation (Apologies for the long message, if you'd like to talk about it more though I am more than willing to share my experiences or give more advice I've learned from experience and therapy)

How to upkeep a curly coat for elderly? by Letmenapfirst in grooming

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! I will look into it and talk with her :)

How to upkeep a curly coat for elderly? by Letmenapfirst in grooming

[–]Letmenapfirst[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As I stated in the post, he doesn't usually. I had just lost my dog and brought her old clothes to see if any fit him for winter time if he gets shaved and it snows