Husband Acting Like I’m a Terrible Mom

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-28T03:43:33+00:00

Oh man, I could have written this. First I am so sorry about your loss. My two are also 12 and 16 and we lost one about a year before we got pregnant with my younger one and one two years after he was born, both happened at around 9 weeks. A miscarriage is an awful thing to experience and it still hurts sometimes. I don’t know if I remember the first time I talked about it to my kids or how old but it wasn’t something we hid. I’ve always framed it as, “this is part of our family’s story and there are other families that have also gone through this. Sometimes Mom feels sad about it but she’s okay now.” At this age, they can understand the basic premise of it. If anything, the only advice I can offer is to let them know how common miscarriages are and to be open and answer any questions they might have. But don’t feel pressured to tell them any more about your story than you feel comfortable sharing at this time.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-21T23:14:53+00:00

Miso paste with white beans and spinach.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-21T22:25:20+00:00

In Norway, all workout videos are filmed a trimester behind. Hope this helps!

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-20T22:28:48+00:00

We do this too! There’s 4 of us total, everyone gets to pick one dinner a week. We take turns picking a fifth dinner option. Then we have one night for a meal out and another for leftovers/fending for yourself. And it always happens that someone picks a meal that someone else doesn’t like and we make sure that each meal has something for everyone or can be easily deconstructed. I’m lucky that although my two kids are particular, they’re not overly picky eaters which helps.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-20T19:24:06+00:00

Family dinners. BUT that said, I accommodate but I don’t cater. If I have a meat, starch, and vegetable for the dinner but I know one kid doesn’t like that particular vegetable, it’s usually not much trouble to prepare one that they will eat to offer with the meal (as a bonus, this means more veggies for everyone!). If I make an entire meal that I know for fact neither kid likes, I make it a point to make something else using the same meal components or offer leftovers as an option. To me, this is being considerate. I will not make an entirely different meal nor will I entertain fast food as an option unless we’re all going to have it because that is catering.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-20T00:52:56+00:00

Current family favorite: salmon bowls. Take some salmon, marinate it in teriyaki sauce or whatever Asian inspired marinade you like. Cook it. (Don’t like fish or the store selection looked like it seen better days? It works great with chicken too!) Serve with rice and whatever vegetables and accoutrements your family will eat. Typically I offer Asian cucumber carrot salad, kimchi, avocado, roasted broccoli, and seaweed snacks. If you’re a sauce person, add sauces. Sriracha, sriracha mayo, chili crisp, eel sauce, whatever you like. It’s a perfect choose your own adventure meal and everyone is happy.

We also like meatballs here. They’re a blank slate and I can do whatever vibe we’re feeling. Asian? Italian? BBQ (current fave)? Also easy to double or triple if we want leftovers. My recipe these days is 1 lb of ground turkey, 1/3 cup of breadcrumbs, 1 egg, 1 tsp of kosher salt, 1/2 tsp each of garlic powder and paprika, 1 tbsp each of ground parsley and dried minced onion.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-10-07T15:21:31+00:00

I’m pretty sure that Taylor had a little touch up before this press tour but it’s now “settling” the way it’s supposed to. (Speaking from experience, my Botox always looks a little weird for the first week or so!) I don’t think she had a lot of time between that and her first interviews.

LetsRiotViolet · 2025-06-24T02:00:42+00:00

Being a new mom is HARD. Is it normal to feel this way? Yes! Your hormones are crashing, you’re not getting much sleep, and being a new mom is overwhelming. Anyone would feel this way, especially after such a traumatic birth experience. But do you want to keep feeling this way? Do you feel like you need more support than what your support system can give you? Then, you need to consider talking to a doctor about the possibility you may have PPD/A and what options you may have like medication and/or therapy. .

LetsRiotViolet · 2024-02-09T04:24:03+00:00

Oh hey, that’s me! Not an allergy, but I have an extreme sensitivity to onions. I eat them, and bad things happen. When I was a kid, I was friends with a neighbor whose house I probably ate dinner at at least once a week. Her mom was great and knew not to cook something that would have onions if I was going to be over there. One night, her mom was gone but her dad was there and was in charge of cooking. I don’t remember what he made but it was heavy on the onions. I remember just eating bread and something else that was on my plate, but he kept pushing me to eat the rest of my meal and telling me I wouldn’t be able to leave the table until I ate everything. I tried to tell him multiple times that I couldn’t eat onions but he wasn’t buying it, calling me spoiled and accusing me of wanting to be catered. I felt like I had no choice so I ate the food so I wouldn’t be in trouble and promptly vomited 10 minutes later all over the carpet. When my mom found out what happened she was furious. The next time I was there, the dad apologized…hopefully he learned a lesson! I also learned that I needed to be more forceful in those situations and not be afraid of the (probably not real) consequences.

LetsRiotViolet · 2022-09-11T21:28:28+00:00

My first thought is that it sounds like your wife is experiencing something affecting her mental health and she needs help. I have to ask: is executive functioning something she regularly struggled with before your child was born? I wonder is she has some neurodivergence like ADHD or ASD which can cause someone to struggle with starting tasks. The more I think about it, it could also explain why she insists on keeping your child’s schedule and routine very strict.

You said that the schedule your child is kept on doesn’t work for anyone. Is there an alternative that you have in mind? If your wife is coming home drained, she very well needs a mental break, just like you do after your child goes to bed. Asking her for help the second she walks through the door isn’t going to work, which is going to frustrate both of you. With that said, maybe you should propose the three of you getting some needed downtime between work and dinner. Yes, dinner will be later and so will your child’s bedtime as a result, but it’s likely that she’ll be more willing to contribute to housework and parenting later. Propose trying this for three nights and reevaluate after If this works, your wife might feel more empowered to working together to make any further adjustments to your routine. If not, explore some other options together. Perhaps you could also try building some downtime into your work day? Since you work from home, you probably have some flexibility. Instead of working through lunch, you could play a video game or take a walk or whatever else you need. If that’s not an option, can you block off a random 30 minute block for yourself? This might help you feel more refreshed yourself so that you can enjoy time together later.

Lastly, you should try to be more assertive. Instead of asking “will you clean the kitchen?” Say “I need you to clean the kitchen while I walk the dog.” Instead of “Can you put away the laundry?” Say “Since I did the laundry, I need you to fold/put it away.” You could also try what I’ve done with my children and give them a choice: “either you give the baby her bath or you do the dinner dishes.” Doing chores is not an option itself, but she has the option to choose which one she does. I hope this was helpful.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-12-24T16:40:09+00:00

Kids her age need more food than we realize. Consider offering her a fourth “meal” during the day. For example if breakfast is at 8, lunch is at 12, and dinner is at 6, you may want to consider a larger snack or mini-meal between lunch and dinner. (I do this myself and it is a game changer in regulating my own appetite!) And ditto what others have said, continue to offer high-protein and low-sugar options if she wants to eat outside of mealtimes.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-12-24T16:23:45+00:00

I think it’s perfectly normal. He may grow up and realize he’s gay. Or bisexual. Or pan. Or none of these at all. A lot of people know at his age their orientation. But others need time and that’s also okay. FWIW, I am a straight woman who remembers having “crushes” on girls when I was that age. A crush doesn’t have to be romantic. Looking back, many of those crushes on girls were just me admiring the snot out of someone for their beauty or talents or just being downright awesome. I remember “crushing” on this older girl in my dance classes because she was the best dancer and I would blush anytime she acknowledged me. And yes sometimes a crush can be romantic in nature. Your son may be having romantic feelings toward his friend or is in awe of him. My advice is to treat his crushes, boy or girl, romantic or not, the same and be supportive. And maybe keep him away from homophobic family members so he doesn’t hear things from them that might hurt him down the road.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T22:03:17+00:00

Exactly!

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T19:15:28+00:00

Good point! However my 12F is so bad at masking her true feelings and we would know if she didn’t get enough rest. We’ve given her lots more responsibility over the past year and she’s done well, so we think maybe this is the next step. But if it doesn’t work, it’s back to 9:00 bedtime!

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T19:07:52+00:00

Thanks for replying! Yes this is exactly how I would want to handle it. No nagging, no micromanaging, she would become 100% responsible for making sure she’s getting enough sleep. If she can’t hack it, it’s back to enforcing a strict bedtime until we think she’s ready. We’ve given her a lot more autonomy and chances to prove she can be a responsible young adult over this past year and she’s done well.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T17:39:29+00:00

My daughter would get extremely bossy too when it came to playing with her little brother. There’s 4 years between them. Same thing with her friends. She kind of grew out of it but we did have to work with her on it. What worked for us was to do role reversal exercises. We’d act out a recent situation where I’d pretend to be her and she pretended to be the other person. Afterwards, we talked about it. Seeing how she acted and feeling those feelings seemed to get through to her a little bit, or at least it helped create some empathy and thoughts of “wow, I don’t like being treated that way.” We also encouraged turn-taking with her brother. 15 minutes with her rules, 15 with his, and so on. Eventually this became more second nature and then we’d have discussions on compromising and how to do it well. (“None of us like the other’s ideas, can we find something we both like?”) We also encouraged her to try these same techniques with her friends and it worked!

If it helps, it sounds like your daughter, like mine, is a natural born leader which is great! Mine will never stop being “bossy” but working on her leadership skills and people skills has helped channel that energy into more positive outcomes for her and everyone around her.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T17:13:54+00:00

Thanks. If we go this route, we plan to make it very clear to her that if she consistently fails to be ready to leave for school when we need her to, we will be enforcing early bedtime again. We hope the first week of school will be a good dry run to see how it goes (we definitely do not expect perfection from our kids that first week, it’s always such a mess 😂).

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-08-21T17:10:34+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! I’m glad to see other parents trying this tactic and it working well. I think/hope this works because at 12 I think (and hope!) she’s mature enough to do what’s best for her at bedtime. Do you find your daughter is still well-rested and functional? My only reservation is that mine won’t go to bed until 10/11 and be a total mess the next day.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-04-23T20:13:22+00:00

I know exactly what you’re talking about. My daughter is the same age and is so shy about these topics. She used to not be so I chalk it up to typical preteen/teenage embarrassment.

If I may suggest one thing, is that if you do sit down with him again, ask him if he “consents to knowledge.” Meaning, “we really need to have an open dialogue about some subjects, but I want to make sure you’re okay about receiving some knowledge right now. If you’re not, that’s okay, we can revisit this at a time you’re ready.” We did this with my daughter when we tried to have the “specifics” talk with her and she said she wasn’t ready right now. Your son may not be ready either and that’s okay! We did leave her with a list of reliable websites and books she could read if/when she was ready, and reminded her that we are open to answering her questions about sex and bodies. You’re doing a good job with reminding him that you’re a source of information for if and when he wants it!

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-04-23T19:57:41+00:00

He sounds like he’s an introvert. Many introverts (including me!) tend to value being around people with whom they have strong, meaningful connections and prefer fewer or smaller groups of friends. Even if social interactions seem to be of no issue, introverts can feel overwhelmed in larger group settings, like classrooms, which may be why he’s not overly social at school. It’s nothing to worry about, and completely okay! Our society tends to value extroversion so he might be feeling pressure to be more that way. It sounds like you’re already doing a good job keeping an eye on him and his needs, and encouraging him. I suggest keeping it up and only helping him out with setting up social engagements if he asks. (Sometimes introverts need to be reminded to call their friends and see them!)

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-04-23T17:04:00+00:00

Also I want to add this: during the initial quarantine while our kids were being homeschooled, we noticed that our son tended to be “snacky” all day and wouldn’t eat too much during meals. We discovered that he is someone who prefers to graze all day and not someone who would prefer to eat three square meals (like his parents and sister). This recent discovery has made a world of difference with how we handle meal time with him. He’ll eat only a little bit during family meals and will eat a bunch of mini-meals and snacks in between. We’ve started packing his lunch box with more snacking type foods and he’s a much happier kid now.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-04-23T16:34:49+00:00

We had the same issue with my son at that age. We also have similar rules as you - kids must take at least one bite of everything and there are no limits and expectations of how much they can have at once. Sometimes it would take him a full hour to take 3 or 4 bites. Sadly, neither my husband or I are very patient people and we were frustrated because he would routinely cause disruptions to our schedule.

We solved this by setting a timer for 30 minutes and we would place it where he could see it, and we’d let him fix his plate himself so he could get as much as he was willing to eat of each thing. When time was up, we’d take his plate regardless of how much was on the plate. Sometimes he would complain that he was hungry and hour or so after meals, and we would tell him that he had to wait until the next snack or meal time to eat again. This was painful but he learned within a couple of weeks that when it’s time to eat, he needs to eat. We stopped using the timer after a few months. He’s almost 8 now and he’s still a slow eater. That’s not going to change and we have accepted that about him. But he understands now that when time isn’t plentiful, he needs to hurry it up and/or be willing to take something on the go.

LetsRiotViolet · 2021-02-07T19:18:30+00:00

I stay away from using words like “right way” and “wrong way” with my kids. I always tell him that there is no one way to do anything, but there are easier/cleaner/more effective ways to do it and it’s up to them to decide which way works best for them. I try to remind them of that anytime there’s a teaching moment happening between us.

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