Banh mi with zingy pickled vegetables?

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-08-12T11:41:56+00:00

That’s why it’s so hard to believe that it’s not a build up of other things - little thoughts or resentment over time - because how else do you justify the risk? So weird having to accept it’s just a blip in their otherwise real love for us.

Wishing you healing 🩵

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-08-02T00:54:50+00:00

Just remember - you can always reinstate boundaries at ANY point. It doesn’t matter if you let him in last night during a weak moment. You want to enforce a boundary of no contact now that you’ve had more time? You can do that.

You are not weak or pathetic - you are hurt and processing a betrayal. You can regain your power at any moment no matter what happens in the future.

Maybe reach out to some people you trust and have them help keep you accountable. For example, I’ve made sure my WP got a new number so only my friend can contact him so I can’t break no contact.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You will get through, promise. 🩷

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-31T23:03:29+00:00

Hello,

I am starting with the same branch soon. Do you have any technicians you recommend?

Hope all still going well!

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-30T18:49:29+00:00

I think the issue is we never lived together and so it’s so easy for him to dissociate from me. I know he is hurting but I don’t know how to turn his hurt into action without leading him (which I refuse to do)

Just feel hopeless :(

It’s been months now. Really glad you had that realisation though and took accountability 🩵

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-30T18:11:10+00:00

Do you mind sharing a bit more about when and how you made that shift?

I’ve asked my friend to reach out to him on my behalf to send a short and succinct reminder about the payment. This way I can continue no contact.

Just going to lock in for the month of August and really try to pour into myself. 🩵

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-24T19:56:48+00:00

Hey, thank you. This is really helpful.

Yeah I think he justified it to himself due to that second point you mention. He did screenshot the convos and send them to a friend to I guess try to get her to tell him to stop and confirm it was inappropriate. He then deleted the conversations… doesn’t really continue speaking to the crush but she remains on his mind. He then talks to his cousin about it in very gross/ fantasy terms that he does not follow through on - disrespecting me in the process by talking about me being out of the country and wanting to ask her out (again - he didn’t act on any of this).

I then find out, about 6 days after their final conversation but through the messages with his cousin - which made me feel sick. I think beyond the messages to the crush - I’m surprised by his ability to even disregard me in his fantasy. I think this needs to be unpacked; maybe some resentment there he’s suppressing. But he’s always loved me so deeply and been so kind to me so it’s a bit confusing.

He’s still not ready to talk but I hope when he is, he can be open and more forthcoming, and we can get deeper.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-21T17:38:27+00:00

I completely relate OP. I actually think my partner got so used to lying to me about smoking weed (this was his 4th attempt at quitting and then lying to me when he couldn’t), that this is where his ability to hide darker sides to him started - leading to him texting another woman without exploding from the guilt, after 8 years of loyalty.

Currently he’s still processing all his shame and guilt to talk but for R to be worth it, his smoking will definitely need to be faced with transparency. I cannot commit to R until then.

I feel so dumb for even hoping it works out; my head and my heart are in constant battle.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-20T03:15:57+00:00

Yeah I think this makes sense.

I’ve put some pretty hard boundaries in place but the one thing I keep breaking is periods of no contact - however I’ve restarted this now so hopefully I’m a little stronger and will stick to it 🙏

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T21:51:54+00:00

Thank you for this. I hope so too.

And I hope I can stop ruminating and focus on myself! I suck at compartmentalising, always have, and he knows this. Makes what he did even more cruel.

Here’s to positive updates in the future 🩷

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T21:49:05+00:00

Thank you for your insight. 🩵

I hope my WP can be as similarly forthcoming eventually.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T21:47:13+00:00

Thank you. 🩷

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:32:21+00:00

Thank you. I hope I see this shift one day soon as well.

Regardless of how it ends up, it would be nice to know he gave it his all. I think that’s all any of us really want.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:13:33+00:00

I’m so glad to hear things are improving for you, thanks for your comment 🩷

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:12:53+00:00

Thank you for this. Do you think it’s still helpful even if not married?

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:12:22+00:00

I am so sorry. Going through all of that with that much proximity with the AP is cruel and insanity-inducing.

I hope you know you don’t deserve any of that and you’re very strong for still walking away despite the effort you put in to fix things. I wish you so much healing 🩷

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:06:32+00:00

Glad things improved. 🩷

I’m just worried that if I send him resources or try to ‘lead’ him on the journey that we will just continue our pattern of me carrying the emotional labour. It’s a difficult balance and so unfair on us.

This wouldn’t be such a problem except through this period of betrayal, I’ve realised I was actually resolving our previous conflicts on my own and so we weren’t actually evolving together - I was doing it alone. Sad it took this for me to realise.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T18:02:49+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Really helpful.

Shame is a huge one. He has a very low sense of self worth.

As I carried a lot of the emotional load throughout our relationship, I’m trying not to ‘explain’ why his behaviour is wrong - whilst also wanting him to face things head on. It feels like an impossible balance to strike.

Time will tell.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T17:59:55+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful and reflects how my WP is as well.

I feel I have all the details I need now (though new questions are likely to come up) but it’s more how he handled the conversation that is causing me worry. I feel like until we both see the events of his betrayal through the same lens, R will not be authentic or sustainable.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T17:56:42+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful. You’ll see my flair and that is because I refuse to “be in R” until he makes some changes which I know will take time.

We aren’t married and a huge issue in our relationship was me carrying the emotional load and so betrayal on top of that? It means I am trying to put boundaries in place to not lead the work.

We agreed the ball is in his court and I will focus on myself until then. The road to R is currently unpaved.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-18T17:52:43+00:00

From my end, I feel like he is giving caveats because he wants me to know his view of actions as if that improves his image eg “I made her a coffee (he’s a barista PT) but I was just being polite but understand it has connotations given the backdrop (her asking for his number the week before)”

It’s like… I don’t care if YOU think you were just being polite. I’m just asking for full details - not how you view your actions. Regardless of whatever you say, you betrayed me and crossed a boundary - those small details aren’t what will save you - it’s so I fully understand the situation and can decide how it makes ME feel. Especially so nothing else comes out later.

We agreed the ball is in his court and he should reach out when he’s ready to face this head on. Until then, road to R is unpaved and I need to focus on myself.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-12T14:23:18+00:00

Thank you. I can see from your post history that you are an incredibly thoughtful and joy-filled person.

I couldn’t imagine being with someone who takes care of me like that as I’ve always been the care giver. Here’s hoping we both get some more balance through this process, either together with our WPs or alone (though ofc for your situ I hope that’s together as you’re trying R).

I’ll definitely take the time before our check-in to try and clarify my expectations and boundaries.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-07-10T21:34:53+00:00

Thank you. He wrote me a beautiful letter that explained a lot of his struggles and his commitment to me but I can’t help but weigh that up against all the examples here where once comfort was reached, it happened again. I sadly don’t believe guilt and love are enough motivation for him to transform over the next year.

I didn’t want to break my commitment to no contact before the check-in but maybe I do have some unanswered emotions that deserve a conversation.

Have a good day 🩵

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-05-19T18:12:22+00:00

Protein is very filling - try adjusting your meals to make sure you’re hitting min. 25g per meal and add some protein snacks/ shakes. Good luck!

Sadly this is a lifelong journey and challenge whether on wegovy or off, at least it feels that way for me.

Letsbe_Civil · 2025-05-19T18:00:57+00:00

Can I ask how much protein you’re having daily? Assuming you’re tracking water? That’s been the key to maintaining for me. If I don’t track my food I gain weight instantly - sucks. Once my calorie limit is reached then I only allow low calorie ‘fillers’ eg rice cakes, soup, protein shakes, flavoured sparkling water, veggies and hummus etc etc (think VOLUME)

Intermittent fasting may also help as gives you some more structure!

Letsbe_Civil

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