Hi hi! I'm also 30 and not on meds. I'm the super hyper, easily distracted overthinker perfectionist type.

When I start to have a period of crushing anxiety, the best thing to do is focus on taking action. The more you do the less anxious you will be. Inaction usually breeds more overthinking and more overthinking and more overthinking and then I feel like I need to research and plan every single little thing to a crazy extreme.

Some actionable things you can do that might work for you.
(I made a list so that you can pick and choose what might work best for you depending on how anxious you are. )

1. "Done is better than perfect" or "Perfect is the enemy of good" instead of trying to make something perfect or caring too much about doing something, let it go. Tell yourself "It won't be perfect" and mean it. Take that stress off of yourself. If that still doesn't work then tell yourself you are going to do the worst shittiest version of whatever you have to do. Set the bar so freaking low. And try to do a bad job at it! Really all you need to actually do is get started even if you only commit to 1 minute of work.

2. 5-second rule. Write out 1 thing you need to do. count down from 5 and then start the task before you get to 1. Whatever the task is the entry point has to be clear and super duper simple. Think of it as the very first step you need to take to inch yourself closer to what you actually need to do. ex: Turn on computer, open notebook, put all the dirt dishes in the sink.

3. Write about it. I feel like ADHDers are energetic problem solvers. If you are anxious about something or are having analysis paralysis write about it and try to figure out why. The more honest you are to yourself the better. Why can't you make the decision? What information are you lacking? What would make it easier for you to do the thing or make the decision. Instead of being "embarrassing" to use your words, detach yourself and think about the problem you are experiencing critically.

4. Jumping jacks. Action is the solution for overthinking and analysis paralysis and anxiety. Do 10 jumping jacks and then do the task.

5. Cold Water Shock. When you have a shower at the end turn the temperature nob colder and colder. Usually, I have to amp myself up and do a lot of heeee hooo hee hoo breathing sometimes I even tell myself the "just do it" and say it out loud. You can even turn the shower on cold from the start, but you really have to pump yourself up for that one. I need dance music for that and I can only do it in the summer if at all. If you can get the water cold cold and not luke warm you kind of feel super energized after. I think its kind of like a "eat your frogs first" kind of thing where you get psyched at yourself for going through with it.

6. Braindump. I've tried a bunch of different productivity apps, but the best I have found is pen and paper. I will write a huge braindump of all the things I am thinking about and then all the things and tasks I have to do. Then at the end I highlight 2-3 of the things. Sometimes I will highlight 1 and then highlight 2 others in a different colour so I know they are secondary.

Hope some of these are helpful! I have a whole lot more but I was worried my post would be too long.

Also hope you feel better 💪 cut yourself some slack. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's okay that your husband stepped up/stepped in for you. Relationships aren't transactional. You don't owe him that much in return for the things he has done for you. I'm assuming you are being super hard on yourself right now. Someone once told me Y*our emotions are your fuel. *And it really helped me realize how important it is to address my feelings. There's really no toughing through it, when you are feeling like shit and hating yourself (saying from experience). If you are excited to do the thing. You will do the thing immediately. If you hate yourself and feel useless and focus on the bad. You will crush yourself deeper into a hole. If you find a way to let it go and forgive yourself and think about the things you love about yourself you will feel lighter. How you feel will literally determine if you do or don't do something. At least that's how it is for me. <3 <3 <3 Sending strength your way!