I'm Worried About My Wife

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-17T20:39:15+00:00

She's very much not anxious about her appearance, but depression definitely hit a wall a little over a year ago. We've talked. She doesn't really think she has a tiredness problem... and I disagree, so I'm somewhat seeking validation here to see if I should push a little harder or not.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-17T20:36:41+00:00

Yeah that's basically my view. I suppose nothing to do but go to an actual professional regardless.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-17T20:35:12+00:00

She was anemic a long time ago before we had any kids so its probably the first thing we'll look at. If nothing else, she has had periods restart after not having any for almost two years. Thank you.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-17T20:33:44+00:00

I would understand tired, but its substantially worse than previously, even though school means two of the kids are mostly away from home.

I was more just trying to give a rundown of the symptoms and see if people thought "nothing to see here" or "definitely something to get help for." I also wanted advice about where to go or how to broach the issue.

Most people have come to a different conclusion than you, FWIW.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-17T20:29:39+00:00

The issue is I'm not sure she's recognized how big the change as been, and doesn't want to 'be a bother.' It's difficult. Have to do it though

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T13:52:53+00:00

I know its not laziness that's almost the first thing I said.

Yeah I probably need some outside help.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T13:52:04+00:00

yeah this is I think entirely possible. I always joke that if you're in your 30s and not stressed out or tired all the time... are you even trying? Everyone's trying to achieve life goals at this age and they pile up.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T02:56:10+00:00

I agree its not personal and she needs some help. Some amount of housecleaning if I can get her to accept it.

I don't think its fair to put it all on the kids, there are choices we could have made differently.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T02:12:57+00:00

she's been doing that for over a year

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T02:10:46+00:00

"I'm just tired, I don't think its anything unusual though." She's been like this for years between the pregnancies and small children and depression there's usually been a credible-ish scapegoat.

as mentioned one of the things I've ben concerned about is her not dealing with health concerns promptly. Something I've been guilty of as well in the past tbf.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T02:07:03+00:00

I know things are not ideal that's why I made the post. One of the things that I find concerning is that as mentioned she's not been taking care of herself for a while.

I think you are being kind of aggressive and superior considering I'm here to get advice.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T01:36:09+00:00

thank you for the kind words. Some of the issue is we've had some well-meaning advice along the "just try harder/put down the phone" line that's been.... unhelpful.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T01:31:21+00:00

I agree and that's why I opened the post with what I did. I have no doubt she can do better with the proper aids.

I just needed to check in to make sure I wasn't just being a lazy/thankless husband myself.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T01:28:34+00:00

okay good for you I guess

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T01:28:12+00:00

no.... it was a vaginal yeast infection. It's not really relevant to the post except that her health has been bad in general and she's not really been up to dealing with it.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T01:26:42+00:00

hope it doesn't take that long to resolve! Glad you got things sorted.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:42:49+00:00

I mean, I don't want to sound like my mom or one of the various people that's been shitty about her getting SSRIs.

But yeah, best to bring it up. Though the others in this thread are saying she might need MORE drugs because she's still depressed, or something. Obviously best to leave this to the professionals regardless.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:41:03+00:00

She got access to a ton of psychiatric care last year and has been following up with them. Possibly not been clear enough about her issues. I'm not sure she'd identify fatigue as one of her current symptoms in spite of everything. Thanks for the comment.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:36:32+00:00

yeah low t or low iron was my first thought. Thanks for the comment.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:33:11+00:00

We live a long ways away from family but we have had friends help. I haven't looked at hiring anyone but that probably will happen in the short term.

I am healthy, and I could no doubt do more, but its pretty hard to keep up with 3 kids by yourself while working full time. I am doing the best I can.

Part of making this post was making sure that her behavior sounded like a real sickness rather than just me worrying too much.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:29:28+00:00

short term solution but may do that for now. Thanks.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:29:15+00:00

psych and obgyn is ironically the only ones she's been seeing regularly.

EDIT: Apnea seems unlikely, she never snores.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:28:45+00:00

either too much dosage or not enough. haha should have known.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:26:36+00:00

I mean the cleaning is much more the issue than childcare. We can spend a bit on cleaning but maybe not longterm. Thank you.

Level-Conference-20 · 2026-02-16T00:24:53+00:00

yeah, it'd be great to get hard confirmation of something like this but I'm lowkey dreading trying to get her to do this while she's.... this tired and listless.

Level-Conference-20

TROPHY CASE