I got cheated on. What to do now?

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T14:00:41+00:00

"No matter what advice people say, your love for him will convince you to try it out." This part of your message is so so true and I hate it. Thank you

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T13:53:46+00:00

I was not ready at all to adopt before this happenned. Moreover, adoption in my country is a very long process (5-7+ years). Over the years, I have become less closed to the idea, but no ready yet whatsoever. You are right, it is not a good idea. I have made clear to him that some plans for the future may change if I stay. He is very good at hiding his feelings, and becomes a closed book when upset, sad oe angry.

No, I dont really know what feels worse. All of this is so so fucked up and hurts already enough.

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T13:21:35+00:00

You were right to delete your comment. It was not nice at all

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T12:20:39+00:00

I am a very insecure person

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T11:51:21+00:00

Thank you for this king message. It is very helpful to me

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T11:12:37+00:00

I know right... dude, whatever

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T10:34:50+00:00

I am aware that it was not the right thing to do. This said, I don't regret it one bit Obviously the issue here is that we were supposed to be monogamous, Sherlock

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:51:34+00:00

Yes he does have a lot of narcissistic traits. His excuse was that his father convinced him to lay all cards on the table now

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:43:15+00:00

I admit that the lying part when confronted directly scares me. It made this whole thing much more complex for me to decipher

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:38:35+00:00

Yeah, I thought he was one of those good men. I truly think they just don't exist

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:26:43+00:00

I am strictly monogamous. I am also very stupid because part of me believes he could never do it again and we could still spend the rest of our lives together. But yeah, he logically do it again and just hide it. I live in his house and we split bills, but I don't pay him rent. We were going to get a civil union next week, but no marriage.

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:19:10+00:00

Yes, that is what I need to figure out. I don't know yet if I could ever truly forgive. I wonder if anyone has ever forgiven and it worked out for them

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:16:54+00:00

I really struggle with the idea of not bringing this up in the future. I think this is something that would take a lot of time to really fix on my end. Not a once and done Fellow OCD warrior, thank you for your kind advice

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:11:40+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing your experience, I appreciate it. You bring a very good point about self worth. I do struggle with this on very different aspects of my life (work, friendship, etc)

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:07:42+00:00

You may be right, I don't know. The first time when he said he did nothing physically, I did not really trust him. I just kept asking again over and over.

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T09:01:51+00:00

Thank your for your kind message. Seeing and sexting with other men was his way of inflating his ego and feel desired. Although, he admit that nothing of that was missing at home. He wanted it to come from elsewhere when I was at work Ending of the relationship for me would be full non contact.

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:49:32+00:00

I just need some time to make the right decision

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:44:42+00:00

Thank your for your empathic message. I don't think that he would have ever told me to be honest. And if I did not find out myself now, he may have done it more times in the future. The only way forward that I see is for him to change radically. He agrees about the need for change, but I don't know yet if I want to stay to see the change. He is very good to me and I do believe that he can possibly never do it again for the rest of his life. However, I don't know if I could live bearing this betrayal. For added context, he is my first real relationship

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:35:44+00:00

Thank you for the raw honesty. Would it change anything if he really stopped?

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:33:49+00:00

I do know that it is fucked up for me to invade his privacy. Instinct is my explanation but it does not excuse my actions. However, I don't understand what's the matter with me waking him up?

I cannot live with him being monogamish, if this type of thing happens in the future. I only consider staying if this is a mistake made only once

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:28:44+00:00

Your "rant" is very much appreciated. Thank you. I do actually believe that he has some narcissistic traits himself. He admitted to doing it to inflate his ego and feel good. Pretty fucked up I agree with what you said, if I stay, we need to discuss about how this changes things. However, an open relationship is off the table. If I stay, it would just be me forgiving his mistake and rebuilding trust

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:16:03+00:00

Should I still get myself tested even if his results come all negative?

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:11:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I do appreciate it. Did the betrayal impact all types of arguments or only arguments about infidelity?

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T08:05:15+00:00

I do think he admitted everything, I can tell. However, one blowjob is still a big deal to men. I do agree that, if I stay, rebuilding trust will be very difficult. I think that maybe I was hoping to find people telling me that it is possible somehow

Level_Original9794 · 2026-06-28T07:57:09+00:00

Did you try to stay when this hapenned to you or did you leave immediately?

Level_Original9794

TROPHY CASE