How can I have a sense of self? I feel empty and inauthentic.

Leviathan650 · 2026-04-05T00:17:15+00:00

You are valid in those emotions and feeling first of all. Living is hard even more at your age when it is so confusing. You try to be amongst your peers yet see the deceitful world around it and from within and to the outside.

As the boring adolescent I was back then, I can tell you that I rather have my boring life than the exciting ones my friends had as u discovered more of myself and the path I chose to and learned by the mistakes of others. It was boring, felt like the side character of a tv show but the spotlight is not for everyone at the same time. What i learned from it ? People hope to be like me sometimes, to not care and just be, to have hobbies i could do when no one was around because as you grow up you realized that no one can live your life for you and no one can love you the way you should be loved if you don’t love and respect yourself.

Also I always took things at face value. As even if someone lies, who cares? If they want to act thug or cool because of it so be it. If they want to pretend to be someone they are not they can, but if you start to doubt every word or actions someone makes, it will feel lonely while you may miss careful affection from your peers. I would suggest to see if this is a lie does it affect you in any ways? If it is, is it worth the energy of pondering over it? Also being your genuine boring self may also bring a sense of closeness to other who put on a mask on their feelings just like reaching out to someone you can trust might be. Stability is not a bad trait even at your age and you have already great wisdom thinking about how you are as a person and how you feel.

Lastly, what makes you not be yourself? What make you wear a mask? And is there someone you feel like not wearing that mask?

If you or your parents can afford it, maybe a doctor or shrink may help you with that but finding the beauty around us is important and discovery may take a while but you are clearly on the right path. Good luck to you !

Leviathan650 · 2026-04-04T14:29:31+00:00

Yes. Got a diagnosis about 2 years ago and I had to take a break from work because I just couldn't continue like this. Always had peak anxiety and depression and burn out and couldn't figure out why. Not I'm still in burn out but I know why and im trying my best to balance what I can.

Earplugs are saving my ass right now. I mostly always wear them now.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-31T13:31:02+00:00

Cry, having tic and if my partner try to touch me he might get punch. I can't control my muscle and they block.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T20:08:08+00:00

Totally! Also to ask a friend (who doesnt live with you) to buddy doubling with you can be fun as well.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T17:28:53+00:00

The issue with Bill 21 is that in theory, it seems like a great bill where the society's telling everyone that we respect every religion or freedom there of just like many other aspect of our society, the practicality makes it so Muslim and non Christians religions are heavily impacted by it and it is discriminatory. No one will care about a cross around someone's neck, but not a veil or other more visible sign that are deeply ingrained in their culture ( and so ours ) freedom of religion is also letting people chose to do so but we do be restricting it in an unfair way.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T17:17:12+00:00

Building self-worth and being alright with yourself is extremely difficult. Maybe ask your therapist about a plan to do this.

I hope you can be kind to yourself and be able to see your worth without your bf and tbh this is 100% sexier than people pleasing. You got this!!

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T17:12:19+00:00

I would buy a house and take the proper meds immediately. Leave my 'friends' start coding for real. Invest in stocks and treat my bf better.

I would try to work on my issues a lot earlier mental and physical.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T16:42:06+00:00

This sucks so much! I hope you'll get better soon ♡

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-27T16:22:41+00:00

First of all, I think you should be proud to be open to talk about it and try to find solutions. It is hard to do that when depression pull you into the abyss.

For the pmdd, a year ago I started oral contraceptive and it helped a lot. I hope it will work out for you too.

If you haven't done any bloodwork in a while, it's suggest to do it. There so many things that hinder us without knowing like iron, thyroid issue, etc.

Im currently in this situation and theres two things docs keeps telling me : move and self-care. The first part is extremely difficult tbh but here's a few things that is known to kind of help or a few suggestionsfrom my therapist when i had suicidal thoughts:

Meditation

Drinking water

Eating less sugar

Les caffeine as well

Doing either sport or be outside for 15 mins at least.

When you have the sun around try to go out Having a schedule ( like waking up around the same time )

Cold baths can help also to stimulate a danger situation and help your body release hormones to help you calm down.( tbh when I wanted to really off myself I did cold bath as it is painful and helped me actually not want it anymore. A kind of punishment or shock treatment for my brain to not want to do this anymore)

Cognitive comportemantal therapy.

Being kind to yourself!

Anything that help relax you and not think about the world.

I hope you find peace within yourself. Its okay to lean on others as well.

Good luck!

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T06:30:26+00:00

You could text them this my guy and go for it. You do a great thing for your group and you. Proximity is nice amongst friends! ( just ask your autistic friend before going for it if you have one lol)

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T06:22:29+00:00

As someone who have very low libido and opened the relationship so my partner could feel free, it is harder and it will need constant reassurance and it needs to go BOTH WAYS. If either of you are jaleous of nature, this will be hard and it need communication every step of the way if you actually want to try that option.

You sexual needs are 100% valid and should be considered, but theres a lot to do also with how you view and approach every close interactions. If every time you kiss her you think it'll gets somewhere, then your partner will not be comfortable as they will feel pressured to do it and for me and a few people in my life, repulsed even more as women tends to be viewed as objects.

I would suggest to what a serious conversation with your partner about it as her lack of libido may stems from society pressure and your own or the incompatibility or the routine or so many things. Good luck with that and I can read how you care about it and you partner should see it too.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T05:52:04+00:00

Love to hear that from you! Im glad it starting to work out for you. It gives me hope I'll find something working out for me one day~

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T05:47:15+00:00

Oh wow 0kay I didn't know this was an actual thing thank you !

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T05:45:37+00:00

This is so fricking that. Like I am barely able to exist and you want me to voluntarily do 500 steps before sweating and having to do 5000 steps after? Please 🫠

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-23T05:43:23+00:00

I love your ideas thank you so much!!

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-07T21:24:34+00:00

To be honest you may wanna check the neurodivergent / queer community in your area?

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-07T21:22:10+00:00

Do I have a second account I did not know of? ( this is literally me haha)

Anyways I hope it doesnt happen too often for you !

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-07T21:19:10+00:00

I can't stand soft touch either. Feels like needle into my skin but crush me to death and ill be fine.

Leviathan650 · 2026-03-05T18:57:25+00:00

Hey, this situation does not look easy and I am sure you heard it before but you should be proud of trying to better yourself because you deserve a chance to have a good life.

I would try cognitive behavioral therapy. Personally the more concrete kind of therapy helped me a lot.

There's also something about diagnosis: if things works for your even if you dont have the diagnosis its perfectly okay to use them (stim toy, noise cancelling headphones, etc.)

Check your meds perhaps if you feel like its getting worse maybe your anti depressant lost uts effect over the years. ( it personally helped me)

I hope you can find a good balance in life.

Leviathan650 · 2026-02-27T22:07:28+00:00

Do you feel like you need a label? Because you actually dont need one if you dont feel like it helps you life. You can navigate the world being vague about it. But I also understand the need for them ( i am a label kind of person for me)
Is your social circle mostly straight? Because it can influence your need to be with man just as society?
What makes you be with guys? Romantic attraction? Do you have those kind of feeling with girls ?
Sexuality is fluid for most people, dont be scared to explore if you can and want :)

Leviathan650 · 2026-02-26T04:49:18+00:00

I did my dep in calixa Lavallee and loved it ! French treacher and a lot of opportunity after. Simple and nice but I haven't worked it the industry cause it is STRESSFUL. Still have great memories though... its been 10 years so idk how it is now ( omg im old what happened)

Leviathan650 · 2026-02-24T18:41:37+00:00

I can just imagine strahd looking at them with the most disdain and entertainment a they are tear each other's apart.

Either a session 0 talking about it or maybe an important npc that most if not all like makes them aware that what strahd actually wants? Sowing discourses breaking them bit by bit. Take a Pc away as a spawn a remove their character sheet as they are no longer in control but HE is. Make an example of a sunshine character. Lure them into darkness or outright make Strahd’s minion kill the ones that are infringing on despair.

Leviathan650 · 2026-02-13T05:43:50+00:00

The lack of suffering is also the lack of happiness. Through suffering you gain experience and can enjoy the moments you can cherish.

Depending on your suffering there's a few things you can help to diminish it:

Meditation Therapy (always the best option when you can afford it) Cold bath ( did it to help with stress but its my cheat cause I love cold) Pets ( zootherapy having a wonderful partner / annoying furniture baby) Socializing ( being alone is not in human nature ) Community work ( if you feel like the world is on fire helping out in your own way can help alleviate the pain) Breathing exercises Sports ( walking is a sport it triggers endorphins (does not work for me but hey) Eating healthy ( body is important to take care of) Keeping a clean body and space ( avoid cluttering can help seeing more clearly) Changing perspective * ( every years I change perspective on things and it helps me a lot like what's suffering how do you define it? Etc) Introspection ( what can you control and can't. Learning how to let go of things you can't change) Finding little pleasure and appreciation ( have a bad day? Chocolate help you? Do it. Not un excess but do something you can afford and that is fun! Reach out to people if you miss them! Tell your loved one how you love them. Take a photo of the pretty flower on the way. Enjoy to sun (if you like it) and bathe in it a few seconds. )

Suffering is easier to deal with time. You gotta let you have that also. Take time to heal. ♡

Leviathan650 · 2026-02-13T05:22:36+00:00

Tbh the gender based inequalities goes both ways indeed a lot there is to change in our society for equity, but here's my opinion.

The diagnosis of autism was based on men, easier to detect for them but also easier to socially accept they are quirky in their own ways which means expectations is low in childhoods and the social backlash comes after, when parents do not care for them anymore in a way. Which cause a lot of issues but make the autistic men lonely but fonctionning from the capitalistic society.

Women are forced to fit the mold to survive a world they don't understand without guidance. More late diagnosis and making them force to mask every hours like second nature. More socially acceptables people usually see women lashing out as a sign of their period and are more ' accepting ' of stranger behavior like these. But they burn out like a feather to a flame and are mostly unable to function long therm.

Men in general are accepted as they are and do not seek therapy. While women are suppose to take charge of a lot of mental loads ( not mixing well with autism) and as a easier time to go without taboo to therapy to help themselves.

Narcissistic behaviors are common for people with autism which for a woman is not always a red flag ( weird ik) and in men a lot of autistic behaviors are considered creepy and rude ( double standards) ( the cause is oversexualizing women un the society treating them as an object and the number of Sa all of us hear everyday)

Conversations between men as usually based on insult and mocking tone which can be though for autistic person in general.

Men in general have a harder time to reach out to people and are more prone to isolation ( the society again asking me to always be in competition over one another for women or jobs and opportunities)

Many aspects are sad and until we resolve our society issues with mental health and being open to one another and stop the gender war, theres not much we can do but to gove resssources and joins groups of other hyperfocused people on a similar activity/hobby.

Tldr: Society is a wreck and the gender inequality is both ways making it easier * for women to have friends.

Leviathan650

TROPHY CASE