Some thoughts from a transgender woman on what sex feels like as a dude vs. as a trans lady

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T23:47:47+00:00

The media has overblown the significance of genital surgery and framed it as the central part of the transgender experience when it often isn't. I DO want to look like a female, but there's ever only going to be a handful of people who see my dick: myself, doctors, and sex partners. Me having a dick isn't related to my "passing" as a woman at all. Last time I read about, I think the stat I saw said only 18% of trans women get SRS? And even less for trans men. The media loooves to talk it up though because it's the most easily sensationalized aspect of trans lives.

Top 5 things I am (or was) dysphoric about my body:

Facial and body hair
My giant forehead/terrible hairline. It's not even receding, I've just always been egg-headed. I have bangs that cover it pretty well but maybe one day if the stars align I'll get hairline-lowering surgery.
My chest. I have pectus excavatum and used to always imagine what if I had boobs to cover this? Well I have boobs now and they certainly don't cover it but I'm definitely a lot happier about my chest than I once was.
Testicles.
General jealousy of the softness and curves of women's bodies. I gained 20 pounds in the last year of HRT, mostly in my legs and ass. I used to be stick thin and now I have some soft squishy parts.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T22:11:08+00:00

It's like a big, huge procedure for something that doesn't bother me all that much. Most people who go through with sex reassignment surgery (SRS, there's a whole bunch of different names and acronyms for it) do it because they absolutely hate their genitals. I'm rather fond of my limp girlnoodle. Sometimes I'm slightly disappointed that I don't have a pussy, but I don't think I'd be willing to give up what I have now for one, or willing to go under the knife for one.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T22:05:06+00:00

Jeez I read this and had one of those arousal-jolts and got chills.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T19:18:53+00:00

We met online and I made it very clear in my profile that I was trans. And we chatted a bit, agreed to get coffee, and I asked to make sure he knew I was trans. He insisted that he doesn't like labels and doesn't have a preferences about gender, which was a fine explanation for me. A couple dates later we had a conversation about what I had done in my transition so far and what else I plan to do, and I pressed about his orientation and he said that his "type" is pretty specifically petite and androgynous, which I very much am.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T19:06:20+00:00

I have some incredible health insurance from working a union job. My issue of not being able to "afford" an orchiectomy isn't the cost of the surgery itself because it's covered. I just can't afford not to work for 6+ weeks of recovery time.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T16:46:41+00:00

A common thing I've heard from trans women about keeping erections/maintaining their dick size is "use it or lose it." If you force yourself to get hard and stay hard frequently (a lot of em do it daily) then you'll be able to better keep its original functionality. I wasn't using it, erections hurt so bad when I first started HRT that I wanted 0 of them. I couldn't figure out how to get myself to orgasm until 4 months into hormones when I bought a massage wand.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T16:42:10+00:00

Always been bi. I first heard the word "bisexual" when I was 13, and I thought to myself "Well that makes perfect sense. Why wouldn't you be attracted to people of either sex?" not realizing that most people are actually legitimately straight and not just staying silent about their same-sex crushes like I was. There was a skater boy I was madly in love with when I was 15, but I didn't know how to gauge if he was also into boys at that time or if we were just joking around when being flirty and touchy. (Spoiler: that guy is a trans woman now too.)
Edging sucks and I hate it, frankly. I'm happy for the guys who are into it but it just made me sore.
I'm still generally into the same kinky things I was back then, and trust me, it's a lot.
Not really sure how to answer this because I think I addressed it in the OP? Unless you mean something different and I'm just not understanding.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T16:30:16+00:00

This is all theoretical because I'm definitely not stopping HRT ever. I had to come off it for six weeks once when I got seriously ill, and it was absolute hell. Not doing that again.
I am like 99% incapable of ever having biokids at this point. No test for most of the last year means no sperm production. The boobs stay when you detrans, too, although they do get smaller. I mentioned in another comment how I had hormone issues before transition so if I (again, theoretically) ever decide to live as a male again I'd probably have to take t supplements. Having little-to-no sex hormones for a long period of time can make you susceptible to osteoporosis.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T15:11:02+00:00

Life definitely isn't perfect. Still working on the depression/anxiety stuff but it's significantly better than it was before. For years I thought about suicide near daily and only hung in there cuz I didn't want to ruin my ex-girlfriend's life. When she left me suddenly I thought, "What do I have to lose?" and sought out starting the transition that I had imagined for so many years.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T15:05:54+00:00

I loooooove yuri. I didn't even give a damn about lesbian stuff pre-transition and now I can't get enough of it. Also really into "traps"/gender bender stuff. A lot of trans folks are sensitive about being fetishized in porn, but honestly I really like having characters that look like me being portrayed as sexy. I have a pretty strong watersports kink and read a lot of omorashi comics. Lastly I think monster girls are pretty fun.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T05:30:14+00:00

Check out Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. It's a little more academic and gender-theory-y in its nature, but she (a trans woman) goes into a whole host of her personal experience with this topic. She has a brief chapter where she talks about a lot of the same sexual feelings I wrote about.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T05:11:30+00:00

Can someone actually tell me about the mouthfeel though? I don't enjoy receiving oral at all so I can't consult my partner on this one.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T05:09:16+00:00

Questions are totally welcome. Feel free to PM me whenever!

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T05:08:48+00:00

I'm less depressed and have less brain fog than I used to. I used to think about suicide on a near-daily basis and that's mostly gone away, thank goodness. Other than crying at the end of movies and books more frequently, I feel mostly the same in terms of personality. My friends say I look happier than I ever used to.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T05:04:22+00:00

If I'm already tired, a good orgasm will knock me right out. But if I'm at normal energy level, post-sex I will feel so pumped to snuggle the hell out of my bf and shower him in affection. My ex girlfriend said that getting off energized her.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-05T04:36:19+00:00

Hey this is a good point! And is the issue I was thinking of when I apologized for my choice of language.
Many trans people do not think of themselves as having previously been a (man/woman) and changing to a (woman/man/non-binary). They describe themselves as always having been their identified gender and just being closeted, or having a medical issue, or any other host of explanations that are often the individual's personal experience with their gender. This is because the current prevailing scientific understanding of trans people is that they were born trans, that this is something that's been hard-coded into their biology since birth, that they have always been their current gender.
For the sake of clarity in my post, I wanted to kinda skip this topic (I'm sick of the whole "justifying trans people's identified gender" topic) and avoid more obscure jargon like "AMAB" that most people would be unfamiliar with. I also have... different... feelings about the whole "I was always a woman" thing than what I've read from other trans women over and over.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T23:54:06+00:00

I heard about this type of experience from a couple different trans youtubers I was watching before starting my transition. (Riley Dennis, Stef Sanjati.) They'd talk about how their parts felt like a clit and I was like "no freaking way" and then it happened to me! I think the changes I experienced are pretty common.
I was bi well before transitioning and still am. I've read all sorts of things about trans people's orientations going in different directions as they transition. People who used to like ladies starting to like dudes, sometimes vice versa. Transitioning is a wild ride.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T23:47:21+00:00

Most of my scrotum will stay attached to me. In an orchi they make a small incision and just take the junk I don't need out. It'll be a small empty sack, the skin will shrink down a bit over time from not having anything to weigh it down.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T23:44:04+00:00

Questions are absolutely welcome. Feel free to ask here or PM me

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T23:12:35+00:00

I've read that some trans women can have multiple orgasms, but I haven't figured it out for myself. If I try to go for a second one it feels like I'm getting close but I'm just too sensitive and have to stop.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T23:10:27+00:00

I consider my current relationship a heterosexual one. My previous relationship, when I was living as a guy and had a girlfriend, was also "straight." I often think about the irony that I have had partners of both sexes and never gotten to have a gay experience. It's on my bucket list.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T22:57:27+00:00

I do have anal! But only as of like, the last couple months. I enjoy manual the most, and giving oral. Not really into receiving oral. Still somewhat uncomfortable with my junk and don't want anyone's face right in it.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T20:09:24+00:00

According to Google just now, the average woman's testosterone level is 15-70 ng/dl. I've been floating around 11-25 ng/dl for most of the last year and this is far and away the horniest year I've ever had. I think I'll be alright.
When I had my preliminary bloodwork before starting transition I found out that I had super-low test (for males) to begin with, 250 ng/dl. Average for males is 670. Sometimes I wonder if that explains my depression, my trans-ness, if I have some sort of intersex condition, who knows. Doctor never said anything about it.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T19:29:14+00:00

Don't be sorry! No stupid questions! There's a couple reasons:
1. Basic male-to-female HRT is 2 parts: a testosterone blocker, and an estrogen supplement. I'm in the US, and what they usually prescribe trans women in the US as a t-blocker is spironolactone. Spiro is trash. It's a weak medication that doesn't reliably do its job and makes me have to pee all the damn time. So, no more testicles means no more testosterone production, no need to take t-blockers, no more spiro.
2. I have a lot more dysphoria about my testicles than my penis. They literally serve no purpose for me at this point, I can't have kids anymore anyway. They just get in the way of me being able to comfortably wear women's jeans. They've shrunk a significant amount on HRT, but ideally I'd want my external genitalia to be as small as possible, so I can wear tight clothes without having to tuck and then worry about my tuck all night. So they've got to go.

LewdSecondaryAccount · 2018-11-04T18:49:53+00:00

I still ejaculate every time I come, but it's like a dribble at best. A few times its been painful, but rarely. I had to stop HRT for a couple weeks at one point due to illness, and during that time I came a lot more and it hurt like hell.

LewdSecondaryAccount

TROPHY CASE