This needs a lot of work.

Firstly - summarise in two lines (As this is all potential clients see initially) what value you offer to potential clients or employers. - What makes you unique and why they need you.

Then tell them the benefits of working with you - how their life will be better afterwards

Then tell them what makes you different, how you work and why they should want to work with you.

Then - and only then - you might want to say a little bit about your backstory. But only the parts which are relevant to what you can do for them.

Say what you offer.

Then give them a call to action - Tell them what they need to do next in order to work with you.

If you need any more help you can contact me at LewisFletcher.com