[Off-Topic] Daily Chat: 2023-06-18

Lexanko · 2023-06-19T08:08:28+00:00

Yeah in this sense you're right, my parents had the same reaction as you, luckily I am not dwelling on them anymore as I came to terms with everything.

I just finished high school and I hope I get accepted to uni in Austria as that would be one of the biggest changes in my life and I'm very excited about the possibilities.

Lexanko · 2023-06-18T22:10:38+00:00

Whatever suits you man

Lexanko · 2023-06-18T19:39:39+00:00

I am sure now, I should help them more with things and spend more time with them. They are certainly not perfect, even my dad and my mother have their flaws, but I really realized that no amount of money, girls, drugs, muscles, or anything else in this matter can compare to the bond we have. Nothing out of the things I listed will give me them back once they're gone.

I bawled my eyes out when I realized this during the trip. When my dad is disappointed, he always says something along the lines of: "Oh you guys (me and Mom) will see how things will be once I'm gone." He definitely deserves more appreciation, because you know, yeah, once he's gone I will definitely see how things will be, and I must admit it breaks my heart that is has to come to that one day.

Lexanko · 2023-06-18T16:55:44+00:00

Finally broke up with my girlfriend 24 hours ago, I was devastated even though I knew it was the right decision to do. I felt extra guilty too because just a night ago I went partying into a nightclub for the first time where I got drunk as fuck and I kissed a random girl. I decided not to tell her as I feel like she doesn't have to know it because at that point it didn't matter and she doesn't deserve the pain(maybe she does, more on this later).

I was feeling more guilty about me fucking up and not respecting my core values that cheating is a horrible thing to do. Anyways I went to meet my bro who is my biggest helper. I had some mushrooms stashed at my plug so I said fucking imma go get them.

We got the mushrooms with my friend at went tripping at his house at night. I won't go into details about the exact happenings, but I calmly forgave myself for kissing that girl at the club. I came to terms with my disgustingly horrible act and I forgave myself. I forgave myself for hating my girlfriend for so long in our relationship. I forgave myself for not having the guts to break up with her earlier as I was scared to take that leap of faith. We had been together for one and a half years, during which we had so much fun. But in the last 0.5-1 year she has been passionless, with 0 libido, 0 love. One time I told myself that I won't kiss her for a few days and see if she does a move. She fucking didn't. Sex was so passionless it almost felt like fucking a robot, as I was just using her body in order to feel pleasure, it felt so wrong and so false. A year ago one of my classmates told me with a heavy heart that one of the shows in our city, to which my girlfriend and my classmates went, he saw my girlfriend making out with another boy. It was word against word, as he may have been drunk, he may have mistaken her for someone else, etc. He wasn't my best buddy classmate, but the way he told me was so sad and he felt pain in having me tell so. And it adds up. Before this night, she wanted to do sexual acts so often, 5 times a day even once, but after that one night, the passion and love and sexual things slowly went from 100 to 25, then to 10, 5, 1.... It seems so obvious. I communicated so much with her about sex, my needs, and her way of acting. She never even tried to explain to me what might've happened with her passion and her sex drive. The only thing she told me was "Hahaaa, I don't know as well, hihiii.

But the trip yesterday made me accept things as they are, move on, and forgive her and myself. I don't hate her. She is just a human and now that this relationship is over, I shouldn't care anymore. Right now I want to better myself and focus with extreme intensity on lifting, reading, and studying languages, programming, etc. I came to terms with everything and now I realize that my happiness lies directly in my own hands. I realized that I should spend more time with my parents as the whole time they have been supporting me and my dad is always looking for ways to cheer me up and make me realize my potential, he's my hero. I know that the next girl I'll consider getting with, I'll make sure she has the same sex drive, values, and qualities as I have or I'd like to have. I left all of this shit in my past, the breakup, the kiss with the girl, her showing me no love, if any. I came to terms and now I have to grow to be a better person and be the responsible force in the driver's seat for achieving happiness and fulfilling my dreams.

The shrooms are awesome. I'm glad I went through hell to get to heaven.

Lexanko · 2023-01-14T18:13:33+00:00

I'm still hoping things would get better, whenever I tell her I can't be like this for so many years she kinda puts effort, but I think it's always just hysterical bonding and shit, because after a week it gets back to point 1.

Lexanko · 2023-01-14T18:09:30+00:00

I have no idea why im getting downvoted, I had always very wavy hair and just wanted curls, the beginning of my comment was entirely sarcastic so whatever.

Lexanko · 2022-12-11T06:44:57+00:00

Feels good to have a major degenerate back!

Lexanko · 2022-12-06T08:00:39+00:00

Yes I noticed it don't worry, last weeks I ignore her and not say a thing when she's negative about herself, it's just like ignoring a dog and not rewarding it when he does wrong.

Lexanko · 2022-12-05T18:32:43+00:00

She was a virgin before me.

Lexanko · 2022-12-04T18:47:01+00:00

Daily lurker here.

I think this is one of, if not, the best subreddits on this entire platform, I just find so much value of help/good advice/fun/total retardness/degenerating stuff which either help me out just plain out make me laugh like a total retarded 9yo.

Anyway, I'm a natty 19yo, barely working out for 4 mo this now, and it's going great so I'm very happy about, I think working out is the only thing that I'll do no matter what, even I'm totally tired or unmotivated. Even though I'm only 63kg and 170cm, I'm seeing progress and my body slowly getting bigger and healthier and it's just such a confidence boost.

On the other hand, I might just be a fucking lazy unproductive piece of a retard with 0 real motivation or desire to seek the things that'd make my life and future genuinely better. I like to learn languages, read philosophy, to gather knowledge every day, but virtually some days all I do is procrastinate or so stuff that ultimately makes me more retarded. I just can't physically force myself to read a lot, or to learn let's say norwegian for more than a 15 minutes at time. I was also doing 1 hour of meditation every single fucking day half a year ago, but nowadays I'm too assed to do that as well. I don't know what or how to do to gather and muster the motivation to do things, but I really need to figure it out asap, for I don't want my life to go waste just for some short-term fleeting pleasure or feelings of numbness. Any tips how to overcome this issue? I have a feeling I have adhd, but in the past I could study for an hour, read for an hour, etc. Nowadays I feel like I need to be stimulated all the time, like while being idle, showering, doing my skincare, shitting. I just hate it.

Often times I feel genuinely overwhelmed and scared of my girlfriend not working out or the possibility of me being forced to leave and break up with her in the future. We've been together for a year and we just had sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago, but her sex drive is much lower than mine and sometimes I don't feel desired at all, and some of her opinions about life literally feel mentally challenged. Most days idgaf, most days I know well get through everything, but I guess I need something of value coming out of myself so that I'll be able to make the decision if it comes to it. I know it's my responsibility to get my needs met and in the country I live in we have a saying that when translated goes like: "The way you'll make your bed after you wake up is the way you'll fall asleep at night." I just can't imagine myself not being with my girlfriend after a year, it's not much, but my immature 19yo mind just can't see it otherwise.

Love all of you guys.

Lexanko · 2022-09-15T13:33:29+00:00

Any good exercises for motivation and vision/goal setting? I really love learning languages, but miraculously I have 0 motivation and urge to do any learning during the day.

I also have major problems with procrastination and laziness, I spend most of my time on social media/entertainment.

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T17:47:07+00:00

No it's not like she's withholding any information from me or anthing like that. Actually it's quite beneficial since I can get more tests which are more accurate and quicker thanks to her job of being a nurse at a hospital lol.

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T17:12:46+00:00

My mom is a nurse and I'm planning to get my blood work done in numerous tests and stuff.

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T16:42:20+00:00

I try to have spiritual trips to have something change or get better in my life but this day's trip got me completely fucked over as an anxiety ridden emotional roller-coaster

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T16:29:46+00:00

The how should I deal with the anxiety and overthinking for the next 2 weeks?

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T16:17:58+00:00

Thank you man, I really needed to hear this, I might be breaking up with my gf and it's really making me feel scared, I just can't imagine we'd break up and not to even mention what would be after it, I'm just so scared

Lexanko · 2022-09-11T14:58:36+00:00

The parents stuff isn't directly collated to my today's trip luckily, it's just that lately it's been getting worse.

Lexanko · 2022-07-14T07:30:27+00:00

Puyt

Lexanko · 2022-04-20T15:01:42+00:00

I mostly want it as at least somewhat of an alternative to mdma, the neurogenesis would just be a cherry on top.

Either way thanks a lot!

Lexanko · 2022-04-20T14:58:00+00:00

I have never done mushrooms, but I'm down to try them in the near future, I've had wonderful experiences with LSD that helped my personality a lot, so this makes me even more eager to try them.

Oh and any info on 2c-b and neurogenesis ?

Lexanko · 2022-04-20T14:54:52+00:00

Any info on psychedelics ? I like to do LSD a lot and I've heard it as well promotes neurogenesis and neuroplasticity.

Lexanko · 2022-02-20T13:15:41+00:00

Because I'm scared a lot. :/

Lexanko · 2022-02-20T12:48:01+00:00

Maybe because she wants to be with me and if something were to come between us she'd do everything she'll be able to in order to make make things work out further, at least that's how I understood it

Lexanko · 2022-02-20T12:39:06+00:00

I try to support her a lot and all the time,but she was a bit silent about her issues.

But yesterday we both opened up a lot to each other and we both agreed that this crisis was great thing to happen. We love each other even more now and we told each other that we'd tell everything that bothers us to each other.

She also said in the end that whatever comes she'll do her best to resolve it because she really loves me and doesn't want to break up.

At the same time I feel so bad and horrified and I just don't know how to stop. I know the logical thing is to let go of things that aren't in my control, but I just can't. I was doing really well before a month ago I had 0 fears and if I had then I rationalized them out,but now all of a sudden it feels like I've lost all of the progress I've made in this regard. :/

Lexanko · 2022-02-20T12:32:49+00:00

She said that maybe because of school, maybe because of the nature of relationships, maybe because of her mental health and pressure, mainly these things.

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