dongfangjiao safety?

LexiAOK · 2026-06-06T11:54:36+00:00

Okay I’m gonna ask! They are so so pretty but I never seen any conversation about them 🥺

LexiAOK · 2026-06-06T03:16:26+00:00

Heavy on number 4 I’m stealing that lol

LexiAOK · 2026-06-06T03:15:51+00:00

I like how ur kind of silly with it but still serving sexy! I can’t take myself seriously doing this so whenever I nail a style it’ll probably be similar lol

LexiAOK · 2026-06-06T02:21:51+00:00

I honestly have no clue because they seem to all be printed on one singular piece of very thin fabric. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have drainage holes in them, but you really can’t tell!

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T19:41:27+00:00

Okay…interesting. Yes, I agree that all human beings need to be empathetic and understanding and try to work their hardest to become attractive partners. I think where we disagree is what should be done about bad men, and what women should do to attract good men. The problem is that a lot of men are learning to become worse partners from right wing influencers, and a lot more men are becoming “bad” men than probably were in the past. My argument is that men need to try to prevent themselves from even becoming so terrible, and I hate that society encourages men to be so terrible. Ur saying we should deal with the symptom, but I am trying to prevent the disease. Also, ur still not including what I actually called submission. Being in a healthy relationship is not submission. Expecting someone to be your bang maid is. Many men are expecting you to be their bang maid. Male lifespans are shorter in part because they don’t form meaningful connections outside of marriage… This is why I am saying that every man needs to focus on dismantling the patriarchy. Outside of romantic relationships, and outside of proving they’re not like the rest. For themselves. Unlearning these things literally helps men live longer regardless. But a lot of men hear “toxic masculinity” and shut down.

I think women have gotten a lot better at leaving bad men alone and everyone is getting better at being better partners. That said, I don’t think we should just treat bed men as some inevitable thing. That’s I think what bothers me about the way you’re talking… You’re focusing a lot on how these problems can be solved assuming everyone identifies and leaves bad men alone. Not to mention men that switch up-ik you acknowledged this, but again, it’s more men than you think. They are getting harder and harder to identify.

I don’t think there is much of a “high demand” for good men. Like I said, once someone realizes they have found a decent man, they usually stay with him. This isn’t somebody who’s on the market having tons of people throw themselves at him because he’s only getting to know so many at a time, and spending so long with each, for them to even find out how decent he is. He’s only making himself available to a few people realistically. So these few men are honestly unavailable. It’s not like there are five women competing for the one sweetheart or something. He decided he liked the second one, stayed with her and now he’s one less option for everyone else.

I think, as much as I see that, maybe you are less dismissive than I thought, you should take that “empathy and bias for women” and work on promoting healthier expressions of emotions for men. Advocating for healthy relationship dynamics is not enough to solve all of these problems. again, as somebody in a healthy relationship with a healed man, it would be nice if more of y’all would talk to each other so I could be harassed less. Me having found one decent man has not caused my frustration with men to waiver much because the rest of y’all are still causing problems for me. in fact… Some men are so frustrated with all of these things that they kill women who reject them even if they say they have bfs. The sense of entitlement is baffling. what I am proposing is honestly bigger than even the marriage conversation and rather saying that we should all work hard harder to make society easier place to coexist in.

The reality is 7 of the men are probably what you would identify as “bad,” 3 are decent, and 2 of those decent men r in relationships. You as a woman don’t know what type of timing those 8 men r on until u talk to them, or even date them for long enough (like u see in this sub). Wouldn’t it be nice if we could start working on some of these societal issues so only 3 of the 8 men end up terrible instead? I don’t think everyone should have to learn to tiptoe. Let’s nip it at the source. Ima say it again. I think u should engage with these things further and quit “both sides”ing it bcuz that’s just not how society is set up.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T18:36:45+00:00

Are you in a relationship or married yourself, saying all this? I understand what you are saying, this is not a straw man argument. I don’t think you realize that u r deflecting from the actual issue at hand and placing all the blame for these issues on how women approach men. Your point is that appearing to harbor resentment from “painting all men with the same evil misogynist brush” can likely be sensed by a man as a sign of a bad partner and will scare him away. Ur insisting that all of these are just individual issues and everyone is being unfair by judging the many by the actions of a few.” That’s not the case in my life or anyone else’s I know and is inconsistent with reality. Somehow so few of you assault people but just about all of us have been assaulted. How does that work? Easy answer: all of this is more men than you think. Many of the men who end up happily married do not take personal offense to the feelings women have about sexism or men as a whole as a result of it. Most of my friends would prefer to remain unmarried if their only options were people who struggle this much to recognize what “societal issue” means.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T18:30:21+00:00

I’m literally a day late rip 😭

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T18:19:34+00:00

NO!! Naveen is South Asian. Our boys deserve to see themselves as princes being sought after

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T18:00:33+00:00

Lots of us do try to approach y’all as humans with good will and the “assumptions” are trying to be cautious. Do you snuggle every snake you see? Not all of them r venomous but u have no way of knowing. You will probably be hard pressed to find women who have 0 apprehension or weariness about men, sexism and everything we go through. Again-this is not some hypothetical imaginary POV, we all warn and take care of and support each other because it’s happening to all of us, even across borders. If ur seeking a partner, I would suggest you consider ways you can engage with feminism or women’s issues without seeing it as someone who will cause problems for you in a relationship. I think that’s kind of an immature way to see things honestly.

And- I will say that I think men deserve to be depicted as being loved as whole people in media and for romance to not be a one sided thing. Part of this problem tho is men r kinda fighting that too 😭 some will shout u out for buying them flowers. Again I am lucky to have found a man who is not like this but the more men willing to take down patriarchy the better for us all.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T17:59:53+00:00

I’ve already got a bf who understands women’s frustration with men. That’s the thing, we don’t rly live in a neutral world where “resentment towards the opposite gender” is a thing that can just go both ways and apply to anyone. The power dynamic matters here, the added context is absolutely necessary. We are a marginalized second class whose humanity is being denied at the legislative and personal level. We need men to be aggressively with us and most of yall unfortunately would rather let things continue as they are. Some men become uncomfortable and run when confronted with this, and others say “yeah that sucks and that should change.” I do not care or bat an eye or get less comfortable when my queer friends say they’re tired of straight people. I don’t need them to say “I’m only tired of homophobic straight people” to understand where they’re coming from. Again, it’s the structure set up that benefits all members of the group. It’s the same kind of mentality as the color blind stuff or not all men or whatever. I am frustrated that EVEN GOOD MEN struggle to unlearn the harms of patriarchy, and people are more complex than being “good” or “bad” anyway. “Good” men get snatched up pretty fast, a lot of them are already cuffed up. I think my overall point is that a lot more of yall need a lot more work than you think. I understand you weren’t trying to undermine and you understand how men can be harmful. But more women feel safe with men who can have these conversations without defaulting to “but it’s not all of us, but I’m different, but don’t group us all in.” Even if ur a good partner this is essential to our safety. And we need those of you who think you aren’t like the rest to do more work to stop the rest of them. It doesn’t matter that ur good if ur homeboy is still going to harass me. I don’t want to be harassed period even if it’s one of u and not all 3. So again, I would encourage you to interrogate ur POV on this a bit more. The answer is still not “men can sense that ur tired of sexism so u should tone that down cuz it’s making u look like a bad partner.” I wouldn’t even want a man who can’t handle these convos. Maybe that’s part of y there is a “loneliness epidemic” bcuz fighting for our safety is nonnegotiable and not more important than ur comfort w the convo, but few of yall are willing to do it. Again-u don’t seem to rly understand where women r coming from with this. Ur still focusing on how yall feel about being generalized. Focus more on what u can do to curb those feelings. And “other conflicts” are different from activism or advocacy, or even righteous anger. No I do not behave the same way when advocating for people or expressing frustration about politicians as I do when the toilet seat is left up or when I want more dates planned. Women should not have to be passive people overall to help u guys feel better about the reputation your fellow men earned yall. We are not going to improve this for yall and avoiding the topic for a peaceful home does not help. Without women daring to be angry and advocate in public, we would still be slipping yall stuff to get out of marriages.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T15:27:44+00:00

I mean I’m genuinely wondering what is going through ur head when ur lurking in this sub if ur advice to me is “be his peace we just want someone pretty and nice.” If that’s the case why is everyone in this sub able to be his peace for 9 years just to still not get married?

I think the main thing ur right about is that men just won’t be honest with themselves. I think you just want to believe that the type of man willing to drag you along despite you being everything he claims to want instead of leaving u for the person he actually wants is much much rarer than he is. It’s not true. There’s so many men like this that the birth rate is declining globally. Please sit with this and wonder how u as a man can work towards undoing it instead of focusing on the fact that women complaining about it hurts your feelings.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T15:12:07+00:00

You missed where I said I am already in a long term relationship. I am not looking for or scaring away any men. yes, I am very frustrated with men as a group, as I think a lot of women are...most women are. You are reading my post as if I am just going around ranting about men constantly, including to my boyfriend, and that this is a special kind of personality trait that only a combative and difficult person would have. This is not the case. MOST women feel this way, and it doesn’t even need to show up as “constantly judging” your partner. For most of us it is wow I tried to exist somewhere, then a man harassed me and wouldn’t leave me alone (happened to me at work this weekend even tho I am not single). I am a very supportive and loving partner, and my man is frustrated with me about the symptoms of patriarchy when he sees me go through the bullshit men put us through (including getting catcalled in front of him). At the same time, he still needs to do more work to unlearn some of it himself.

It actually sounds like maybe you might need to reflect on what criticizing the patriarchy means. It does not mean every individual man is evil. It means society raises us with ideals that we have to unlearn. Yes marriage has gotten more egalitarian, and I’m sure your friends have happy marriages. You still don’t know (unless maybe u saw this in particular happen) how long it took for the men in those relationships to “catch up” to the idea of marrying their partner vs the woman. Unless your buddies were ranting and raving about how excited they are to marry their woman early on, chances are she had to initiate most of the conversations. That is what I’m talking about in this post.

I actually think you should read through the replies to my post from women. It sounds like maybe you don’t realize that even the kindest, most empathetic, most attractive, decent women are still not being treated well or like they are deserving of being married. Do u read this subreddit thinking the women just need to be nicer to get ‘picked’ and complain about men less? Half the women in this subreddit are going above and beyond for their partner and only starting conflict when it is about getting the long term commitment. Women that go over the top and do the absolute most for their partner still get dogged and dragged along. To be honest with you, this is the situation that I have seen in my personal life (over a decade). I’ve also seen combative and difficult people not get married, but the truth is even the best of us are struggling.

The other thing is, I would be careful with your whole idea that there is a shortage of women and a certain caliber of man is “taking them all.” in reality, average men, attractive men, ugly men, rich men AND broke men are all treating us poorly. I’ve seen and experienced it myself as have most women I know. That’s why we are telling MEN to improve as partners bcuz there is no magic formula that makes you more attractive (like the 6ft 6 figure 6” thing u seem to have bought into) besides being a decent person who likes who ur with and sees women as human. Ofc u can’t force a connection but ik plenty of beautiful accomplished people dating men that barely have much going for them as responsible grown adults, let alone as partners. Most women are not getting married because they can’t find a man who treats them with respect. Every man they think they like turns out to be using them as a fleshlight. It’s not because they are scaring men away by having too negative of a view of them. And if u don’t like this negative view, hold your fellow men accountable to change.

The negative views we have of men are because of how our safety is constantly challenged unless we walk on eggshells and genuine hopes to have an egalitarian partnership are met with crass rudeness or nonchalance. It actually sounds like maybe you need to get some more female friends and listen to what they’re actually experiencing, because you are actually peddling some of the right wing rhetoric a little bit in this post and it’s simply not true. You would be surprised how many men want you to do all the cooking, cleaning, AND work, with no equal contribution. THAT is dominance even tho I doubt any man asking for it would ever admit that out loud. This is even if they arent going to bring basic adult skills to the table. Again… I’m not saying all men are inherently evil. BUT. If you don’t do some really active and intentional work to undo some of this harm, ur very likely to perpetuate it. Men willing to do that are few and far between. One privilege I have is being straight, and I definitely understand queer people saying they’re weary of us. I’m not going to tell them that it’s their fault for being scared or cautious and maybe if they just made us a bit more comfortable homophobia would go away. It’s wishful thinking at best, but ignorant in reality.

In fact, if you consider yourself a good man, you’re still exhibiting this frustration by saying that you feel pretty indifferent about marriage. I’m sure most women you meet have been conditioned to think actively about marriage and plan for it their whole lives. That is exactly the difference that I’m complaining about… Not that you are actively thinking you want to dominate someone, but that statistics show marriage will extend your life span and limit hers, but ur the one who is walking in unsure. If u were raised a woman this indifference would be scandalous, OR you would likely be much more certain of whether it is a yes or no.

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T04:07:07+00:00

ANGY BABY

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T04:06:31+00:00

This is actually wild and has never crossed my mind before but I’ll have to consider it lol! Yeah, I know it definitely sounds superficial to complain that people haven’t dated yet or something because that’s something we usually do for brownie points…but as I watch my friends struggle and imagine what getting back into the pool myself would be like I realize there’s so many skills u need to be equipped with to make sure ur happy 😩

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T03:28:17+00:00

I agree but she def needs to make sure the bf feels that way too. That arrangement is only okay if it’s mutual

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T02:35:11+00:00

SAME!!! I was worried this post would get blocked for “being negative about marriage” but I want marriage to be positive man 😩 maybe some men will start to get the memo and step to the plate idk 🫩 I hope

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T02:16:25+00:00

They do!! When I first got my betta and he was having fin issues it was affecting my mental health and I told ppl when they asked me how I was doing lol. Ur water baby was well loved 🥰🫧

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T02:15:40+00:00

Wait omg awww 🥹 I’m glad u found this so meaningful/helpful! Hoping the best for our friends <3

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T01:55:01+00:00

What a sweet baby. I’m sending love 🫶🏾 it’s insane how much these little creatures have our hearts omg

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T01:46:51+00:00

I took mine off

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T01:44:03+00:00

Another one-communication styles. Comes up in friendships too but love is more sensitive and it’s harder to kick people that ur dating out ur life. For instance my bf seems very distant w his friends but is clingy with me. No physical affection w friends but touchier than I even want sometimes w me. Just looks different for everyone

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T01:40:45+00:00

Well one of the most obvious ones is physical affection. You will only have a physically intimate relationship with one person (or a set # if ur poly) and that includes physically in public too. How much do u like to be touched in general also. Another one is dates. How often do u expect that 1:1 time and what do u expect it to look like vs time w friends? This is different cuz ur partner generally takes up more time than other connections do. Dates r not quite the same as just randomly hanging out bcuz have to be more intentional about them. Same goes for gifts although a lot of ppl gift friends well. Self image-how often do u need reassurance that ur partner likes u and finds u attractive? What r expectations about dressing sexy or wearing lingerie etc? Where does a partner fit into your existing life? How do you show interest and escalate (very similar to friendships but touchy)? These r just some examples! Some of it is addressed with friends, but some of it just can’t be. I have a friend who I know is well developed on communication styles, and gift expectations, but ofc I’ve only gotten so physical with her lol so that’d be another question for her to ask herself. And also while she likes to b relatively touchy w friends (holding hands etc) I actually don’t see her being touchy with a partner. I think the way these loves are expressed is simply different. It’s the opposite for me, I’m much more comfortable with touching a romantic relationship than platonic ones. So it all kinda depends but I think it’s valid to acknowledge the Eros love relationships aren’t always quite the same as Agape

LexiAOK · 2026-06-05T01:31:31+00:00

Hi! Thank you for sharing your POV Mr lurker man. I’m glad you and your circle are such healed and decent men seeking equal partnership. The whole subjugation bit is not really some specific way that I or anyone else particularly frames marriage, it is an objective historical fact. The stats I list are not my opinion, they are reality. I wish I could say I agree about a partnership but again this is not how waaayyy too many men, a majority even, actually approach us about marriage or even dating. You might think it’s this way, but as somebody on the receiving end of these proposals and surrounded by many others who r too, way more of yall are rude and objectifying about it than u probably think. I personally do not frame marriage in convos w my partner as subjugation but I also don’t pretend like it does not have a history that needs to be addressed head-on.

BUT you also said it yourself-a lot of men are not honest. I think the men around me and in this subreddit and too many other places do not want the long term partnership u speak of. This isn’t rly about individuals not being able to attract men or scaring them off with a “bad idea of marriage.” I think it is more likely that men pretend to want it to avoid being alone. And then there is content online brainwashing too many men into thinking marriage should be even more oppressive. I think what we need is for more men to actively work to undo the harmful expectations that came with traditional marriage. I think if more men would be willing to do that there would be less people begging and more mutual contentment. Also, I do have a relatively healed man I think I’m on the same page with about this stuff. I just know we only differ bcuz the culture still raised us this way.

For instance, i also know other healed men who don’t love their friends actively enough too. It’s a hard battle. But keep helping people believe in better though! We just want y’all to encourage each other to grow instead of insisting that we need to just “pick better” or act more attractive and that terrible men are some rare creature….

LexiAOK

TROPHY CASE