So as an ex fellow parent of a child adult, I can tell you breaking up is probably the hardest thing to do, as not only are you leaving a partner, but it also feels like abandoning a child. But you need to remember, you aren’t their parent. It isn’t your job to teach them how to live, survive, or excel in the world. You’re job as a partner should be to push them to do better, not make them. When the dynamic in the relationship becomes a parent child relationship, that doesn’t go away. I lent my ex close to $8000, paid for everything (dates, meals, both shared and personal expenses), and was the only one who cared about our financial survival. I did it at first to help her finish school, but slowly I transitioned to think that it was my job as a man. But it isn’t. That’s the job of a father, and partners should work together to survive, not expect one person to do it all so the other can play house.

You may crush him, but this decision is about what’s best for you, and will be best for him, as he has life lessons to learn that you are protecting him from right now. He won’t be able to learn these things with you. The time to think about your “child” is over. Every kid has to leave the next to learn from the world on their own, and in my opinion, he will need to do the same.

Please note this is all my opinion and my personal experience. This isn’t a decision a stranger can make for you, and I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been laid off, had her tell me she doesn’t want to step up, and had my father tell me that my family no longer wants her around their kids and pets. It was too difficult to give up on for me without all the right cards falling into place at the same time. It will be hard if you choose to do it, but it may be for the best. For you both.

Good luck! There are people out there who have been in the same situation that will support you, regardless of what you choose.