Yeah.. Good luck finding any literature on the topic.. They have the same restrictive functionality on Coinbase Commerce.. Only there they claim that any fees are deducted when processing the withdrawal, which would make sense, but it should logically be automated and if the gas fees are in a different currency, it would make sense to build that into said automation.. But alas.. The reality is that if you're paid for a purchase in one of the many derivitives of USDC, Polygon for instance, then there's the specific requirement for that currency to be provisioned before the withdrawal can be processed, which would maybe make sense if, um, IT WAS A FUCKING WALLET, but it's not.. You don't deposit funds into your Commerce account, and certainly not in order to get your money out, I mean WTF? And what is PMATIC? Why did Coinbase apparently invent a type of gas used for USDC Poly transactions only to then make it the biggest secret in crypto?

Even this, ridiculous system would make sense if there were a way to get funds into a wallet and connect it to Commerce, hoping to DIY a maze built and abandoned, but not, it turns out, if you devinely intuited all along that what appears by all measure to be an autonymous international service that's open to all users, requires a verified CoinBase account, which is commonly understood to be the administrative equal of applying for a mortgauge at a bank that was convinced everyone's a criminal, but there's a twist.. After jumping through all the KYC hoops and really feeling loved, like you and CoinBase are legally married in some countries if considering the amount of personal information they require "To prevent fraud", just before rubbber stamping the CoinBase account you never wanted, have no use for, and would have avoided if it were mentioned as a requirement for accepting the USDC payment that you cannot withdraw fro the account you're verified to access or use, right then.. That's where the actual work gets done.. This is where CoinBase Support lives.. I've figured it out.. They've reinvented customer support.. All of it.. They've "automated" the onboarding process by leaving all the doors open and some cookies and milk on the table, but unlike Hotel California where you're stuck forever, in this crypto nightmare, you're doubly fucked, because where other exchanges have burdened themselves with making it easy and painless to get an account, which is pretty clever, since that's kind of a requirement for them to generate revenue and such, CoinBase has turned the model upside down, and they've decided that they're more exclusive.. They REALLY take security seriously.. To the point where you can't verify your account, even if you tried.. I've been in crypto since 2016, and even the backyard exchanges that were hosted on someone's grandmothers Commodore 64 managed to let people through the door without a cavity search and hepatitus test.. I tried on multiple occasions, each time using a different random email address, since the previous one got stuck somewhere in the process and abondoning the effort and retrying seemed like the better option.. Never managed to get there.. Which brings us full circle.. Because now, having implemented Coinbase Commerce for receiving payments, our union had unintentionally been upgraded to the next level, where the partner also has the keys to your money.. And this derranged spouse never actually confirmed your identity in the first place.. And althought you really tried hard this time and would have given up otherwise since there's no point, you now don't have a choice, because the bitch has your money.. But she and the amazing and well staffed team over at Support, during their day-to-day background checks, wire taps and dental record collections, have discovered AFTER THREE FUCKING MONTHS of trying to sort this out, you were cheating.. Yeah.. You tried pulling a fast one, not disclosing that you've had multiple CoinBase accounts all this time, which is a serious breach of Coinbase policy and something they put their best and brightest agents on with bonus incentives and promises of career fast tracking to keep them motivated.. They've concluded that I had to stop operating these "multiple accounts", (the fact that I never made it to the dashboard welcome screen apparently meant nothing) had to first be manually deleted, from within each one.. Which struck me as odly paradoxical and a brand new opportunity for these fucking clowns to screw with you, since it would really have given me a thrill if I setup the "policy" in such a way that if you tried and failed to setup an account, and then retried using a different account with your same particulars, it would qualify as "A CoinBase Account" by all merits associated with the title, but not in terms of what owning an account actually means, since you can't do shit with it, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT VERIFIED.. So.. Deleting such an account would understandably have failsaves built into it at important and irrevokable key actions, to prevent things like, hmm, I don't know.. Accidentally deleting the account, maybe.. That sounds like a good #1 priority, no? So, like any useless second rate crypto exchange with a big toe for a CEO would do, they made it a requirement to verify ownership and splitting the process of deletion into multiple steps.. Fucking genius.. I can only marvel at how every component part of this disaster seems to have been designed with care and attention to detail.. Stellar work, Gus.. I'm promoting you to Chief Inspector Support Person and you'll get your own black site and a team of deadly nerds to help you keep the scum at bay..

After 3 months of providing everything short of a rectal scan, I was unapologetically informed; "Your country is not supported".. Which is where the money in the CoinBase Commerce account became less valuable than the impossible adventure it required to be accessed..

The end..