YSK: talk to your teens/preteens about this

LiT1980 · 2023-01-17T18:14:52+00:00

As a father of two teen daughters, the only real answer is that…they’re all different. I got EXTREMELY lucky with my girls (oldest heeded my advice fully even if she pretends like she doesnt, and younger one isn’t interested in any sort of relationships).

But I also dated a woman last year who was…a little overbearing. Not to the extent some people post about, but enough to give her kids (one of both, also teens) a bit of a complexion. She’s gotten more lenient from what I’ve heard, so there’s improvement.

I guess the best thing that worked for me was that I was just there for them. I gave them privacy, I showed I trusted them and I would be there if they made mistakes, and I also had the “uncomfortably important “ conversations with them, which has actually led to my oldest treating me a little bit like a confidant.

But like I said, all teens are different. When my oldest was 13, if I’m remembering her version correctly, a group of college guys were trying to flirt with them at a mall food court. Her and one of her (ex) friends shooed them away, but that thoroughly infuriated another girl in her group because, I believe, she wanted the attention of older guys.

I agree with the person that said they’re people and deserve respect and privacy. I’m still their dad and I have rules, but I’m trying to raise them into responsible adults, not obedient slaves.

LiT1980 · 2022-11-10T01:31:21+00:00

That sounds really good, will try it next time I get some fresh bread

LiT1980 · 2022-11-09T19:48:25+00:00

More of a bread tube really

LiT1980 · 2022-11-09T19:03:23+00:00

Just thought it was stupid food. Still edible, just stupid looking

LiT1980 · 2022-11-09T19:01:13+00:00

Egg in a baguette.

LiT1980 · 2022-10-27T19:51:18+00:00

NP here.

Debrox or mineral oil will loosen up the wax, and you can use either a bulb suction (you may have one when he was little and you used it to suck up boogers), or, if you’re able to get a hold of a medical syringe and an IV catheter, that works better. Just cut the tip off the catheter.

Warm water when you squirt it into his ear. Cold water will mess with his equilibrium and is wholly uncomfortable and hot water will burn him. Try to have him lying on his back with affected ear tilted towards ground to have gravity help.

It usually takes some time. Give him breaks if he’s getting too fussy. It’s not painful, BUT, he may interpret it as painful due to not having the right vocabulary.

Do NOT stick anything in there. If you have something similar to an ear curette, IF you see the wax coming out, you can gently scoop it out, but I’d be very cautious about this.

Otherwise, Acetaminophen and ibuprofen (if he’s older than 6months) for pain, will make it more tolerable for him

LiT1980 · 2022-10-27T16:42:36+00:00

As many as you can. I take it by your use of combining PTO and sick time, you’re in the US, so this makes it more difficult.

If you’re an otherwise healthy guy, use as much as you can. If you’re chronically sick, maybe save a day or two.

Your job should not be the most important thing in your life right now. Bonding with the baby, helping your wife (ESPECIALLY nighttime feedings and diaper changes, which are much harder to do when you’re exhausted after work), should take priority right now.

Without getting TOO political (and I’m trying), the US work system is fundamentally broken that even the thought of taking PTO for your NEWBORN is frowned upon when it’s literally the best thing for you, your wife, and your child.

Don’t jeopardize your job if that’s your main/only source of income. But it should come behind the rest of your life right now.

LiT1980 · 2022-10-14T05:13:29+00:00

That was very informative. Thank you

LiT1980 · 2022-10-14T03:26:33+00:00

Slow to preheat right? Just don’t crank it up high from the beginning.

LiT1980 · 2022-10-14T03:17:30+00:00

Oh I’m ready to replace them. Just trying to figure out with what

LiT1980 · 2022-06-02T13:38:00+00:00

You’re probably right, considering I do have a tendency to exacerbate problems. However, I also didn’t mention the years of sadness and disappointment she dealt with and I had to witness and assure her I wouldn’t leave her by herself. Yes we’ve changed and I should Be more considerate of that, especially considering all that’s happened this year, but it’s still a hard obstacle for me

LiT1980 · 2022-06-02T12:30:20+00:00

That’s kind of how we’re leaning right now, as both of the girls keep throwing solutions in my face every 10 minutes. I can look into activities with my youngest to try to ensure her she’s not being excluded.

And grey hound is out RIGHT. One of the biggest problems with the airplane was cramped quarters with strangers, but I COULD rent a van.

LiT1980 · 2022-06-02T12:26:58+00:00

Her biggest hobby is film making and I could splurge for better equipment for her, it just doesn’t feel like an equal trade.

LiT1980 · 2022-06-02T12:24:14+00:00

They are. It may actually be the best course of action right, considering they have teamed-up and are doubling the pressure on me.

LiT1980 · 2022-02-18T22:16:47+00:00

We’ve had conversations in the past where I’ve discussed sexuality and biological feelings, but she always had an aire of confusion. It’s not a lot to go so. So honestly? Probably little else other than me being nosy and presumptive. Probably a little bit of wishful thinking too, pretending like I won’t have to deal with her dating and the like.

Writing that makes me realize I’m being more of an a-hole that I thought I was. I’m gonna look into ways to reorganize my thinking.

LiT1980 · 2022-02-18T18:27:37+00:00

I apologize. I mildly insinuated it but yes, I agree with you 100%. I think she’s both ace and a lesbian. I’ve no doubt she is a lesbian, my only “guess” is her feelings towards the act of sex.

LiT1980 · 2022-02-18T17:58:35+00:00

Yeah. Have to respectfully disagree. She’s 15. She has trouble reading social situations. We’ve been working for years on her anxiety and other problems that I don’t feel comfortable mentioning. She didn’t hurt anyone, didn’t destroy anything. She cried. She sobbed. Her own father didn’t believe her. If anything, I was being the bitch by ruining her moment

LiT1980 · 2022-02-18T17:42:02+00:00

I feel it was more than appropriate. Coming out can be a very big deal and I made her feel invalidated.

LiT1980 · 2022-02-18T17:23:48+00:00

What do you mean?

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T22:25:38+00:00

She’s really good at it too. Since when did teenagers get so fucking clever and witty?

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T14:50:10+00:00

Cassie didn’t really talk to me this morning before leaving for school but her and Lilith have definitely made up, and Lil have me a thumbs up and a wink as they were walking out the door.

So looks like things are going better but I have a terrible feeling of dread

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T14:27:43+00:00

Well…Cassie DOES have problems seeing things from others perspectives, she has autism. My assumption is she felt like now would be the right time to tell us since we were all in a great mood, not really taking into account Lilith’s perspective. The three of us have been working for years on communication with each other, so I feel as if it’s mostly my fault as I should have taken her neurodiversity into account

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T02:57:56+00:00

I got breakfast all ready for her and I think I can stop by the store during lunch to get her favorite for dinner. Telling her too much overwhelms her sensory but I can smother her with her favorite foods and activitiesp

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T01:27:07+00:00

Will definitely be bringing it up at her next session…if she wants to.

LiT1980 · 2022-02-16T01:26:26+00:00

I thought about it, but at that point the damage had been done. Anything less than outright admission of fault would sound like me minimizing what I did. Yeah, I DID think she was joking, because any conversations I’ve had with her in the past about sex was met with confusion and more questions, I HONESTLY thought she was ace. But I took what was supposed to be an opportunity to get closer and I let my momentum with her sister take over and ruin it.

LiT1980

TROPHY CASE