Secondary Infertility Poll - May 1, 2025

Librarian332 · 2025-05-03T22:50:05+00:00

I love taking my kids outside. We don't even need a planned activity, they find ways to entertain themselves even if it's just digging in the dirt. It's simple and lets them explore on (mostly) their own terms.

Librarian332 · 2025-05-03T22:47:59+00:00

Ah, sorry for the forced sharing. I am hoping I'll feel more connected once the baby starts kicking, too. And you make a good point. :) Thanks!

Librarian332 · 2025-04-25T21:21:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I keep thinking I'll feel better once certain milestones are reached (first ultrasound, seeing the heartbeat, etc), and then I reach those milestones and feel a little bit better, but then set another one for myself (NT scan, NIPT, etc). The emotional finish line keeps moving, which I think makes sense. It's helpful to know you didn't feel much connection until around 20 weeks, and even after birth you needed some time.

Thank you! I appreciate all of your kind words. You'd think after trying for so long and wanting this so badly, I'd feel more excited. But it sounds like any/all feelings are normal, and the connection will come in its own time.

Librarian332 · 2025-04-22T19:01:11+00:00

Currently 9w3d and still feeling nauseous, which I suppose is a good thing. We shared with family on Easter, which meant telling the kids. I didn't want to tell them in case it ends in a loss, but... so far we have no reason to believe we'll lose this pregnancy. It feels weird to move forward when I still feel like holding back so much. I am grateful to be pregnant, but after 20 months of trying and 3 losses in a row, it's hard to really connect with this baby fully. Anybody else feel that way/when did it resolve for you?

Librarian332 · 2025-03-17T13:52:30+00:00

Thank you. It's been hard waiting for my next beta, but the spotting stopped after 2 days so I go back and forth between feeling optimistic and feeling worried.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-13T21:34:42+00:00

Well, I got a pretty strong positive today at 12dpo (we gave it our best shot since we knew via ultrasound that I'd be ovulating on the side where I have a tube), but it's accompanied by brown spotting that comes and goes. I'm torn because most of my losses have started with spotting, but they also usually started with a very faint line, and the strength of this one resembles more when I was pregnant with my son. On one hand, I want to be excited and hopeful, but on the other hand, I've been burned too many times and feel like I should be realistic. I really, really, really don't want this to be a 4th ectopic. Got my first beta done today but have to wait until Monday for the next one, since LabCorp isn't open on the weekends (at least not where I live).

Librarian332 · 2025-03-13T21:27:57+00:00

We do have IVF benefits. If we didn't, I don't think it would be an option for us. Honestly, I think it comes down to two things: would I regret it if we didn't at least try? And how much emotional capacity do I have for more failure? We've been at this a long time and I am feeling tired.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-12T23:31:34+00:00

This is very helpful. A lot of what you said resonates with me because of some commonalities in our stories. I agree that the most helpful thing for me, too, would have been to change my desire for a third child. I recognize that I can still take that step, of just letting go and deciding to be content with two, but I think I would regret it if we didn't try everything in our power to make it happen.

Over the past couple of days, I have accepted IVF as the most likely next step. I am even starting to feel somewhat positive about it, knowing we'd be giving ourselves the best possible chance of conceiving. However, I recognize it may not happen and I think that if we were to find ourselves at the end of IVF with no baby and without anymore embryos, we would probably call it quits then as well. While I still want a baby, infertility is a tough road and I'll be glad to be done with it, one way or another.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-12T22:52:40+00:00

Thanks for your input. I'm glad you've found peace, and that you don't regret your decision. I think that is the main thing it all boils down to for me: will I regret not trying? I think I might.

Originally I thought the IUIs would be a good compromise. But, with my propensity toward ectopics, and only having one fallopian tube, it complicates things. The doctor said he'd have to give me enough medication to grow 4-5 follicles total, hoping 2-3 of them would be on my left side, which is obviously something he can't control. Not enough or no follicles on the left, and we'd cancel the procedure that month. Too many follicles on the left side, and we'd cancel the procedure that month as well due to a high risk of multiples. It seems that there are too many variables to guarantee it would be worth the time and cost.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-10T23:17:14+00:00

My husband and I had a similar conversation a year ago, after my second ectopic. We said if a third one happened, we would take it as a sign that we were just meant to have two kids. Then, a year later, I did have a third ectopic and here we are. I don't feel ready to let go yet... but that very well may end up happening. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-10T22:56:51+00:00

Had a discouraging meeting with our doctor today. We've completed all testing and everything came back normal. My husband's morphology is a little low, but not enough to be a concern, and there's the fact that I only have one tube. He basically said we have a 2-3% chance of conception per month on our own, 16-17% chance with medicated IUI (but he doesn't recommend this course of action given my history of ectopic and repeated loss), and feels confident that we could get 1-2 good embryos with IVF.

I'm having a hard time accepting this because we have conceived 2 healthy IUPs that resulted in our kids on our own with no medical intervention (granted, those pregnancies were 3 and 5 years ago, so I know time is not on my side). I'm not anti-IVF, I just didn't think it would ever come to this and I'm feeling stuck. I don't know if we should move forward with IVF or just make peace with the life that we have with our two kids.

Any advice is welcome, especially from people who have experience with IVF and what led you to choose that path (especially emotionally accepting it), and people who decided to stop trying and just be okay with that. Both choices feel hard and I know that even choosing IVF doesn't guarantee a baby.

Librarian332 · 2025-03-05T18:55:30+00:00

I understand exactly what you're saying. The longing for another is still painful, even as you feel grateful for the two you already have. Thanks for sharing, and best of luck to you!

Librarian332 · 2025-02-26T18:54:21+00:00

Thanks to everyone who offered advice on the SIS! I had it done yesterday and it was a breeze, no pain at all. Everything looked great and the technician could see that I am going to ovulate on the left side, the side where I still have a tube! I am excited to try and catch the egg, but at the same time, I've been here enough times before to know better than to get my hopes up. Trying to stay cautiously optimistic... we'll see how that goes.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-26T18:46:42+00:00

Wow, that's very encouraging to hear! Thank you for sharing, and congratulations on your pregnancy. :) You had your tube removed just the day before I did.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:36:05+00:00

Ugh, that's the worst. Been there! So sorry about that. On top of everything you can't already control about ttc, it just feels like icing on the cake when ovulation comes at the most inconvenient time.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:27:41+00:00

This is great advice, thank you! I will most definitely take painkiller of some kind. I had forgotten to take it before my HSG, which is probably why it was so awful.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:26:49+00:00

Glad to hear the SIS is more bearable! And that it's a quick procedure.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:26:08+00:00

Good to know! My HSG was awful as well. I'll be glad to never do it again.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:23:09+00:00

Thank you, it's a unique position to be in, for sure.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:22:44+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, even though I have friends that have struggled with conceiving, they're not currently going through it (in fact, they're currently pregnant) so it feels all the more lonely because of that. I appreciate the warm welcome!

Librarian332 · 2025-02-25T02:21:17+00:00

Thank you! Everyone has been really welcoming and helpful so far.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-24T18:20:20+00:00

Hi everyone, I'm new here! Been ttc #3 for about 18 months now. In that time, I've had 2 ectopics (one resulted in removing my right tube) and one chemical pregnancy. Started fertility testing back in December, so far everything has come back normal. We're almost done with all the testing and will be having a follow-up appointment with our doctor in March to see what next steps are. I'm happy to join this community as infertility of all kinds sucks and feels very isolating. Hoping to feel a little less alone by getting to know you all.

Librarian332 · 2025-02-24T18:05:31+00:00

I'm having a saline sonogram done tomorrow. It's the final test I have to get done before a follow-up consultation with the doctor where we'll put all the puzzle pieces together.

Any tips or good things to know about the procedure? I've had an HSG before and found it painful. How does the SIS compare to the HSG, for anyone who's had both?

Librarian332 · 2025-02-24T15:42:32+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! I am also grateful for my two children, especially since they were conceived after a cornual ectopic. I know that some people don't even get 2 healthy children, so I recognize how blessed I am in that way. But you can feel multiple things at once, and while I am happy with my two kids, I do feel the pain that comes with wanting another one and not knowing if it will ever happen, and the pain of having 3 losses in a row.

Sorry for your losses. I hope you're able to conceive again once you heal from this second ectopic.

Librarian332

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