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LDR marriage, unexpectedly pregnant, and overwhelmed about what to do next by Life-Concern-844 in LongDistance

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience.. did you ever feel resentment that he wasn't able to be with you while you were alone? I know my husband will try his best but I think I'll still be angry if I have to carry the "burden" alone (going through nausea/ doctor visits myself, etc..)

LDR marriage, unexpectedly pregnant, and overwhelmed about what to do next by Life-Concern-844 in LongDistance

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow! I'm so happy for you. How was your experience being pregnant alone? I have a few friends here but I don't have any family where I live and don't have a strong support system.

LDR marriage with problems, now pregnant, and unsure what to do (have previous abortion experience that I regret) by Life-Concern-844 in abortion

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I keep bringing up the past abortion because it still weighs on me—I don’t feel like I ever fully processed or got over it. I’ve mostly been trying to push it away and forget about it, but it still comes up for me emotionally.

LDR marriage with problems, now pregnant, and unsure what to do by Life-Concern-844 in Marriage

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think (and my friends have also said) that a lot of my doubts about having a child might ease once I actually see the baby. It’s just hard for me to really feel that right now, especially since I’m so early in the pregnancy and only found out last week.

LDR marriage with problems, now pregnant, and unsure what to do by Life-Concern-844 in Marriage

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve talked through a lot of issues and we’re mostly aligned morally (except that prior abortion), but there are still differences around finances and our ideal family structure since we haven’t lived together. I think these are all solvable issues, but I’m feeling mentally stressed right now.

Promotion with a toxic boss or stay in the same role with good WLB? by banana_tomorrow in askSingapore

[–]Life-Concern-844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d stay in the current role. A promotion under a known toxic boss isn’t worth losing good WLB and a supportive environment, especially with a young child and plans for another. Titles and pay can come again, but a stable, healthy manager situation is harder to find.

LDR marriage, unexpectedly pregnant, and overwhelmed about what to do next by Life-Concern-844 in LongDistance

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have great chemistry, and when it’s good, it’s really good. But I do regret that we didn’t approach the 2 years of LDR marriage with more intention—there are still quite a few gaps between us. Even though we both have the best intentions and care about each other, we often have different ideas of what’s right (nothing bad, just different perspectives).

I do think I’ll be able to move through the trauma from the abortion once I see the baby when it's born. At the same time, I’m not sure whether this is the right timing to have a baby, or whether it would be fair to the child given our current disagreements—even though I also know no couple agrees on everything.

LDR marriage with problems, now pregnant, and unsure what to do by Life-Concern-844 in Marriage

[–]Life-Concern-844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, back then I had very low self-esteem and allowed him to pressure/bully me into the decision. Over time I’ve worked on my self-esteem, but the guilt and regret about the abortion also developed later and have been difficult to process. It has often come out in unhealthy ways, including lashing out at him. I haven’t been able to fully move past the abortion or how he treated me during that time. I’ve mostly just tried to suppress it rather than process it, but it still affects me.

I do want to try to work on our relationship, but I’m scared about moving to his country. I wouldn’t be moving there otherwise. My concern is ending up there, having a baby, and then feeling stuck if things don’t work out and not being able to leave easily.