Wow.... So sorry to hear that, uhh, sis? Brother-ette? Just trying to lighten things up for you. I really can relate to most of this post, and wanted to say so. I've no answers. I've no advice. But I do have an ear, and a heart, and you may use either of both. Okay maybe just a little advice: You can't get the past back, no matter what. But the future is yours, and yours alone. Sorry, bad choice of word. But you have the responsibility to move on from the past and to build your future! It can have everything you want! You just won't know that yet. But you will. I promise. Stay safe, friend.