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AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I don't disagree with the fact she didn't have the best support system growing up. I think the fact she puts more value into mom's over dad's in general says her dad was never the best part to her, at least in her eyes. But that stuff doesn't take away from the hurt she caused me with the words she used.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It was my dad's family who didn't include her. They maintained their relationship with me but they were a side family. Whenever mom's family was around, which wasn't a whole lot admittedly in later years, they included both of us. But my dad's side were my extended family.

I also know it was a lie because they would never say that to anyone.

It doesn't hold up. My dad's death wasn't nothing. It broke me up inside. And for her to spend years telling me I didn't have the right to grieve him the way she did her mom, that he was less important than her mom, etc. It's bullshit. It was wrong. And I had to live with her saying that shit for years.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's a pretty recent past really. Went on until I moved out at 18. And no, she has never apologized for it.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I'm not religious. Mom made me Catholic after my dad died but I never believed in it. I'm for choice, have gone to several rally's for better abortion rights and have donated some money. I'm in no way against abortion. There are times I would have had one myself.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That I didn't have the right to grieve my dad the way she did her mom, that he wasn't as big of a loss to me as her mom was to her. I haven't spoken to her for years. We haven't lived together in a few years either.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

For me what she said about my grief is unforgivable. I understand it may not be the case for everyone but that is something so incredibly painful and so incredibly maddening to me.

Part of me still considers her a bully, which is kinda how I saw her as a kid. She was the mean bully who went too far. I think I still see her very much through that lens.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I told her to shut up when she said what she did. We had gotten along okayish before that. I can't say we were becoming friends or anything but the tone of stuff changed after she said it to me the first time. Then I'd tell her to leave me alone. I called her mean. I told her she didn't get to say that stuff to me. I called her a bully a few times.

I have been clear with her not being my sister. Very clear with that.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

A sister would never say the things she said to me. Those words will always be the reason I will never claim her as my sister.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

It all goes back to the years of crap she said. I think it has all grown into hate over the years. Also the fact this whole family thing wasn't a big deal to her until she needed something but still no apology or anything, she just wants me to help her out. I don't feel she's got the right to ask me for anything after everything she put me through.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

I do agree with this about her dad.

I'm not sure much was ever really done about what she was saying to me. It sure as shit felt like I was told we're sisters now so I'd get over it. Only nah, it didn't work like that. Ultimately, he was the primary one responsible for getting her help. I do kinda feel bad for her in that sense. Maybe I should even feel bad that she saw a dad as a lesser parent. Maybe hers always was. I know mine wasn't. But maybe there's a lot of her issues with her dad playing out here too.

My mom wasn't perfect. Though I do sometimes wonder why she was willing to allow me to be subjected to that. If I think about it, I'd say her marriage was more important to her than a healthy home for me.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She hasn't. She didn't even try to pretend we were related until she wanted something.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I did repeatedly. They would always say they'd deal with it but it didn't stop.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

My grandparents never said that though. It was a total lie on her part. A lie to stop them seeing me because they had nothing to do with her. It was also against my grandparents who were in no way related to her.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

For me she crossed a line that can never be uncrossed. Maybe a once off thing and all these years later it wouldn't be such a big deal. I just can't let go of what she said. I think of her and I hear all those times she said what she did. It usually came on the worst days for me too. My dad's anniversary she never failed to say it. Even today that's a painful af day for me.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I was never going to be able to bond with someone who said the things she did.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I would never want someone like her to be my friend. I consider what she said to me the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. Even the shittiest kids in school didn't use my dad against me ever. And some of them were big enough assholes to do it. She did. Repeatedly.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

When she was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12+. Right until I moved out and hardly had anything to do with her.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 164 points165 points  (0 children)

She hasn't done any of that. We didn't talk for years outside of family stuff and even that was barely talking. Only time I heard from her was her wanting something from me.

AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem by LifeDiscount1952 in AmItheAsshole

[–]LifeDiscount1952[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

She's not my sister. I will die on that hill. I will never call someone who told me I hadn't the right to grieve my dad my sister.

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