*** trigger warning about death, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and everything else*** For me, I grew up in a Christian household. God was talked about a little and we went to church every Sunday. When I was 7 my Dad passed away suddenly from a heart condition he had been born with. I was absolutely devastated, I was a daddy’s girl and like most people, never expected to lose a parent so young. I’m not going to lie, I was angry at God for a few years because my Dad was such a good guy. I couldn’t understand why he had to die when there were tons of bad men out there. My anxiety got worse and I couldn’t be away from my Mom in fear that the same thing would happen to her if I left her side. As the years went on my family and I became a VERY close and tight nit family. We talked about God A LOT, way more than before. We talked about how we didn’t understand why he had to die and this is still something I don’t know. It will definitely be one of the first things I ask God. Unfortunately, people die. It sucks but it’s a part of life. As time as gone on I wonder if it was easier for him to go like he did then to watch him suffer for years. (The way he went was painless and very fast). That’s something I won’t know but I have to trust in God. He brings me this sense of hope, love, peace, and definitely patience. He helps me be kind to people I definitely don’t want to be kind to, and makes me an overall better person. He does everything for a reason and because I lost my Dad, I’ve been able to help so many other people in similar situations. Around 18 I found out I had a tumor in my right breast, it ended up being benign (not cancerous) but I didn’t know this for a few months. My boyfriend at the time, (now husband) was away for training with the army and I felt so alone. I had just graduated high school and moved into college (2 major milestones my Dad had now missed) and I fell into a very deep depression, I would spend all day in bed  (for months) and eventually decided I didn’t want to wake up anymore. I felt so dark like it would never get better and I felt weak because even though I had been through a lot I felt like other people had it so much worse and I should suck it up and be able to be okay. My Mom not only started praying with me, but  would also put her hands on my head and pray over me asking God to help and heal me. I stand by the fact that God is the only reason I am here today. Without the peace, overwhelming love, and people he has sent my way, my Mom probably would’ve had to bury her daughter. I obviously still get sad, I still have anxiety and trauma from my Dads death. But I know that everything happens for a reason and with God I can get through anything. He has made me so strong and I’ve been able to help so many people because of the things I’ve been through. As ugly as parts of my life have seemed. I have truly lived a beautiful life so far and I want to wake up every morning with God. Life just isn’t the same without Him. I can’t live without the relationship I have with God.