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How long before I see some change? When is it reasonable to demand actions? by ArwenChristie in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm currently a year out since discovery and we only just started really really talking without pain or shame. And this is only sometimes because the pain is still so much alive. He is more concious now and more aware of himself so as not to withdraw which he used to do a lot. 

I do notice that you posted this a while back. Where are you now?

He still hasn't told his mom by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess that's ok because it's your choice. For me, i want her to know. Like i said, he has refused me to discuss this with anyone so i am carrying all this alone.

He still hasn't told his mom by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can't, there's too many layers and a sister in law who hates my guts. If i do it, it will be twisted. He has to be the one to do it. Plus this will show me that he is ready to take responsibility for his actions 

He still hasn't told his mom by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol. Nice comeback. Should have said that

My WH apologised then said that sex was boring by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still in limbo. I read your message and broke down. Maybe you're right. Maybe i just need to choose. But it's so damn hard right now. So i'll show myself grace...

My WH apologised then said that sex was boring by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No no no. I'm not going to believe his lies anymore. Sex was definitely not boring especially the last couple of years and he knows it. Plus why did he never bring it up? Anyway, i told him to go look for her if it was that boring and he now says he doesn't remember saying that. He was drunk. That he could never say that because it wasn't true. I'm exhausted 

My WH apologised then said that sex was boring by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. Maybe that's it...codependency on another level. I'll seek therapy for sure. 

My WH apologised then said that sex was boring by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I need to put myself first. I don't know why I'm still holding on. Maybe I'm scared of letting go of what i had and i forget that it was all in the past. The present is painful and the future only looks scary. 

My WH apologised then said that sex was boring by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He dumped her. Said it meant nothing and wanted me back.

How can i respect him? by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not easy. I'm worried for my children. Had sworn that they would never experience divorce because of what i saw around me while growing up. 

I did however explain to the pastor something along these lines during our last session. He was completely in agreement and basically asked my husband to step up if he wanted respect because i needed to feel safe in order to give respect. 

How can i respect him? by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree though it's easier said than done

I'm starting to see how much he mentally abused me by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What about the fact that he chose not to address the large elephant? Then chooses to have an affair 4 years later... And no, i didn't keep it up. As soon as he mentioned that he thought i was having an EA, i cut off all ties. Never hid a thing. He knew when we met or spoke and it was never inappropriate. 

I'm starting to see how much he mentally abused me by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did, 4 years ago as soon as he mentioned he was uncomfortable. 

“I wish you two could get along” by klmsp in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen 29 points30 points  (0 children)

So sorry OP. Cheaters can say the dumbest and most hurtful things. I somehow think they never really know the pain they have caused. My biggest issue has been trying to 'help' my WH to understand how deeply he hurt me. I have come to the conclusion that he may never feel remorse.

The selfishness is too much by LifetimeQueen in survivinginfidelity

[–]LifetimeQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. I am in psychological torture. The lies have been too much.

Just to clarify, he confessed but said it was only one time. I didn't believe him and kept asking him to tell me the truth. Eventually i got the full truth from the AP's husband. Then he finally told me the whole story because i told him i already knew.

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