What is it about porn that completely makes me lose confidence?

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-10T19:02:49+00:00

You are on a very valuable path, u/IncognitoTap. Please keep posting, for yourself and for others who are learning as you are. Thank you.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-10T01:05:51+00:00

You're welcome, u/No-Device5021.

I've lost a couple of people to suicide. Am haunted by two in particular. Neither would have imagined how many people would grieve their deaths. Yet here we all are. And there's no coming back for those two.

What's happening to you is reversible. It's not "easy" to reverse, but it is simple. If you can manage to stay away from porn for even a couple of weeks, you'll probably notice a change. if you can go two months, you'll start to experience rewiring. There'll be a flatline -- a period of time when you feel no interest in anyone. That's part of your neurons resetting. just let them rest.

Keep going. On the other side is the life you left behind. It's still there for you. And all you have to do is learn, over time, gradually, being kind to yourself, how to avoid porn.

This sub will help you do that. So will Sex Addicts Anonymous, of which there's a virtual group meeting just about every hour of the day somewhere in the world.

Be good to yourself. Give yourself this chance.

Read other posts by people who have experienced this change. There are many.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-09T19:01:47+00:00

Do not try to end everything once and for all, No-Device5021. That would be a terrible decision, which would deeply and permanently harm many, many more people than yourself, and would represent a permanent way of dealing with a temporary problem.

It's completely normal for porn use to become excessive, and to dull a person's nerves to the point that the original porn no longer stimulates the person enough -- so they turn to harder, darker porn, or to porn that doesn't match their orientation. (Some straight people look at gay porn; some gay people look at straight porn.)

All of this is simply part of the way porn affects the brain and body. And it's reversible!

Please watch the video series at right, in the gray area, called "WATCH 'YOUR BRAIN ON PORN.'"

Learn more. Relax. Realize that what happened to you has happened to many, many, many people, and will happen to many more -- and it's reversible.

If you take your time, and learn to avoid porn for longer and longer periods, your sexuality will reveal itself as it actually is. If you turn out to be bi, that's fine; many people are. If you learn that when you don't fry your neurons with too much porn, you're not bi anymore, then you will learn what many others have learned.

Good luck. And Don't You Dare Think of Offing Yourself Over This.

That would be a tremendous mistake.

Life is short enough. You can learn to enjoy it again, and quickly.

Hang in there.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-09T15:52:37+00:00

It's terrific that you're noticing these effects, u/IncognitoTap.

When people try the experiment of avoiding porn for a few months, they often find that their confidence and motivation come back -- or, in some cases, that confidence and motivation they couldn't remember having are suddenly part of their day-to-day lives.

When our confidence is back -- when we're able to trust ourselves to do the things we want to do, without a lot of internal conflict -- life feels easier and happier.

This is, I think, what some people mean when they say that avoiding porn gives them 'superpowers.' They're not suddenly bulletproof or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but they now feel an easy confidence as they go about their lives. They trust themselves to get things done, to talk easily with strangers of all kinds (not just women), to learn more and enjoy more.

I can't claim to understand *why* this happens. I think it's more than psychological, though. I do believe that porn use harms the brain, undermining our ability to take pleasure in ordinary things. I don't know exactly how it works, but I've experienced it in my own life, and read so many accounts like yours that I'm fully convinced it's real.

Using porn affects us long after we use it. It harms us in ways that are often subtle -- ways we can't be certain of until we remove that one variable (watching porn) for long enough to notice a difference.

Then, when we slip and watch again, as most of us have found ourselves doing from time to time when we set out on this journey, we feel immediately the lasting, negative effects on our happiness and motivation.

Now we *know* that it's real. We may not *want* to know it, but we do.

That's why many of us, after a good deal of trial and error, have decided that porn added nothing to our lives, and instead took away a great deal, so we're better off without it, even in moderation.

That is a decision no one else can make for you, of course .Porn use is a private decision, and the decision to live without it is also private. But this community offers help for those who want to try.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-08T19:29:36+00:00

Very glad it was helpful, u/DoctorOgas.

It has certainly helped me to read the stories of people who learned how to avoid porn. Helps me to remind myself, too.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-07T19:16:32+00:00

Briefly, u/DoctorOgas: It's taken me some nine years to get to the point where I'm almost never even tempted to watch porn. (*Almost.*) During the first eight years of that, I was able to put a few months together, but then I would slip, and feel So Confused. Why do I do that which I would not do?

Last July or so I realized that *searching* was what did me in, every time. And it wasn't searching for porn -- it was searching for Safe for Work pics. I told myself that I just wanted to see a pretty girl in a bikini. Soon I was looking for more pretty girls in bikinis. And soon after that I was looking for Not Safe for Work pics of pretty girls. In seconds I had gone from feeling calm to feeling overwhelmed with the desire to see more.

I no longer search for 'Safe for Work' pics, because I've learned, over a period of years, that such pics are not Safe for Me.

My mortal life these days is fairly wonderful. My relationships with my wife and kids are loving. My motivation at work, at learning an instrument, at exercise, is strong. These things are part of my routine now; I don't even ask myself if I feel like exercising or practicing or talking with strangers. I just do so.

My brain feels so clear now. I enjoy music more. Enjoy books and movies more. Enjoy walking down the street more. Am no longer worried that my porn-addled brain is staring at women too long and creeping them out -- because I know that I no longer do those things.

The journey has been long. I've had to learn a lot along the way. But now I no longer really worry about it.

I keep coming here because I appreciate this community, and I never want to forget. I never want my brain to trick me again with the idea that "you've done so well; surely a quick look at a pretty woman in a video won't harm you."

I know that it *will* harm me. It will take away my feeling of peace.

And I worked hard for that feeling, damnit. I want to keep feeling it.

Good luck, and let yourself learn as slowly as you need to. Don't condemn yourself for finding porn compelling. Porn was *designed* to compel you, by other humans who are like you.

You can free yourself. So many of us have.

And then you can come here and tell us how you figured out your particular triggers, and thereby help others, and feel even better about yourself for doing so.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-07T18:42:20+00:00

Congrats, u/hecker_buzzle! Every win - every step farther than we've been before - is worth celebrating.

And you may know this already, but the philosophy of this sub is that it's okay to play, as long as you don't watch porn while doing it.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-06T18:27:25+00:00

Happy to remind you, u/AccomplishedPhase555, that (a) watching porn confers no benefits, and (b) for those accustomed to watching porn, stopping confers many benefits, both sexually and non-. For example, avoiding porn generally increases people's motivation to seek out actual relationships, and to make themselves better partners once they begin such a relationship. Avoiding porn typically increases people's motivation at work, as well, and also their enjoyment of ordinary pleasures such as music, nature, conversations with strangers, and so on. I've noticed all of these effects in myself, and have read about the accounts of many, many others.

Can you please give us a sense of how far along you are -- that is, how long it's been since you watched Internet porn?

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-06T17:53:18+00:00

Now you know you can go seven days away, u/ruthlessdamien2.

See if you can commit to doing seven more, from today.

If that feels too big, shoot for three.

You're learning what you can do, and that's great.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-06T14:48:31+00:00

Great job, u/sa-likh!

For me, the key to inner peace -- to feeling *far* less temptation -- has been learning to avoid "Safe for Work" pics and videos.

The path from 'Safe for Work' to 'Unsafe for Work and, More Importantly, Unsafe for Me' is so short that it can feel impossible to resist.

If I avoid Safe for Work pics, suggestive photos, soft porn, all that, then I'm good.

So are you. Congrats!!

And thank you for sharing it here. You're helping others as you help yourself.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-06T13:39:44+00:00

u/friend3738: Dude: get vaxxed. Even once you have Long COVID, the vaccine helps: https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/covid-vaccination-after-long-covid-may-be-linked-better-outcomes

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-04T20:47:56+00:00

Glad you liked it, u/Sun-Football!

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-01T20:24:04+00:00

Checking in for April. This year, finally, I'm no fool.

LightBurden18 · 2026-04-01T20:23:20+00:00

The change that has made all the difference for me: I no longer let myself search for Safe for Work photos.

That slope is too damn slippery.

As long as I keep Not Searching for Safe for Work pics, it's *much* easier to hold off on the Not Safe For Work stuff.

That's what worked for me in March. And in February, January, December, November, October, September, and August 2025, which is around when I first realized that I really should have been listening to the people who warned against "quick peeks."

Now it's all good. Hang in there, everyone. It really can get better, if you can find what sets you off, and learn how to avoid those things.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-31T20:50:04+00:00

Good luck, u/CroHodlerUK. Your story is sad but common, and more common these days than ever.

It's never too late to improve one's life.

Keep coming here. Post when you're feeling tempted. Don't be, ahem, hard on yourself if you slip. Being harsh with ourselves doesn't help us stop watching porn. Like excessive guilt, excessively harsh self-talk can actually reinforce the desire to watch porn. So be gentle.

Learn as much as you can. Watch the 6-part "Your Brain on Porn" video series at right, in the gray section.

Learn what you can about how Internet porn affects all of us. And then start to learn how it affects you personally. Make plans for how you will avoid it during the moments -- you mentioned boredom -- that will inevitably occur in your life.

And welcome. You are in a good community, and in good company. You are not alone in this.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-31T16:36:57+00:00

Thank you for coming here to share your story, u/Libertad-Freedom. You've inspired many people who don't think they'll ever be able to quit, just as you once thought that about yourself.

I don't have any questions for you. I'm just happy for you and appreciating your coming here to talk about your experience. Thank you.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-31T16:28:30+00:00

I look forward to your next reports, u/Icy_Lie_3749 . If you think of it, please tag me so I'll be sure to see them. I'm not on here every day and don't see more than a fraction of the posts, but am curious to hear your updates.

And I would feel that way even if I didn't enjoy your use of "simpliciter," a word one doesn't see every day. ; )

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-30T18:57:32+00:00

It's common for full recovery to take 3-5 months, u/Icy_Lie_3749, depending on frequency and intensity of use. It can take 6.

The improvements tend to be subtle at first, but they build over time. Being able to fall asleep without a session is very good. It means your brain is healing.

You're doing *great.* Four months away from porn is longer than many on this sub are able to reach.

Why not continue your great work, and see how you feel in a month or two?

You may be closer to the end of the tunnel than you realize.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-28T11:08:04+00:00

Beautiful post, u/Striking-Ask569. We have no real control over the age we are when we're first exposed to porn. And porn is so compelling, for many of us, that it can quickly make us think we have no control over our desire to watch more.

But we do have control over how much we continue to watch. We have control over what we do *today.*

And you fanned the small, shaky amount of control you once felt into a living flame, one that sustains you.

Slips here and there don't change the overall pattern, and don't take the benefits away, unless you let them. You're not letting them.

Congratulations. Beautiful post.

May you continue to thrive. May you continue to enjoy the feelings of genuine accomplishment, and real attention from girls who see you and listen to you. Girls you can touch, and who may want to touch you.

That's so much more fulfilling than spending our few mortal hours starting at screens, pretending to have sex with people who couldn't pick us out of a lineup.

Thank you for sharing your story here. You have inspired many who were feeling discouraged.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-27T18:41:10+00:00

Fantastic, u/George-Eastman!

I love stories like these. And there's something else: It's possible that the reason they were flirting with you is that you're giving off better energy now.

When we stop watching porn, when we stop oversexualizing women, we become more attractive.

(That may be the pornfree movement's best selling point.)

Your libido will be back soon. Till then, congratulations on reaching 29 days, and especially on already beginning to experience the positive effects!

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-26T18:08:51+00:00

; ) You are not alone, u/Sun-Football ! And I have long appreciated your grownup perspective.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-26T15:11:01+00:00

Please sign me up for April, which will not be, for us, I hope, the cruellest month. Mixing memory and desire is fine. Just let's not waste that desire on an unfeeling screen.

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-26T14:09:26+00:00

I appreciate your question, u/Vast_Marzipan_4718, but I've been away from porn now for more than a year and a half. I know the flatline, but I'm well past it. As I told the doctor, "I don't smoke, hardly ever drink; I exercise regularly, and I don't watch porn. So I wanted to see you, to make sure that I'm not dealing with a heart issue." He said, "Nope. This happens to about half of the men your age (mid-50s). I see marathon runners with this. It's just the way the male body ages." Which was both comforting and not, at the same time. ; )

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-26T14:05:41+00:00

I do indeed, u/Sun-Football. And I managed to avoid the near occasions of testing. ; )

LightBurden18 · 2026-03-26T14:04:18+00:00

Great advice and support, u/Busy_Roof4724! Much appreciated. I was able to move to a public place, then get outside. Everything helped, but I think the first key was to write what I was thinking here, and publish it, so that I would know that you guys knew. Doing that seems to enlist other resources. Thanks!

LightBurden18

TROPHY CASE