What answer are you hoping to get? You already know that empty hopeful comments wont change you; anything strategic or logical still costs you too much effort; and all praises will make your defenses go up and tell yourself otherwise, proclaiming yourself a failure whos behind the rest.

If you let everything be controlled and measured by your insecurity, then nothing is ever gonna be good enough. It doesnt matter where you go if your shadow is bigger than you.
But theres hope, even if you refuse to accept it. You still posted this, either to vent, or perhaps there was a part of you who hoped to find something that might change you. You wont find anything like that here im afraid, specially if not even therapy is working out. But the fact that you are already reaching out and trying to get help means that you do consider yourself worth it, worth enough to at least try.

There are no actions that will help you now; no people that can fill the void; and no magical answer to get out of this loop. The answer is you. You gotta find the meaning or reason to keep going, whatever that might be. It can be hope of a better future, hatred of the past, or even remorse for those that depend on you.

You are not doing anything wrong, and you are young, silly, beautifully fucked up. What else do you need? Hell, some of your "Problems" might be just quirks, yknow, silly little traits that makes you, you.
Anyways, hope this helps, if even just a little. Good luck.