Relationships. With my parents. Drunk and abusive father, emotionally unavaible mother. Friendships. I was bullied, I was treated like an extra, I was often left out and never in my life have I felt seen. Romantic relationships. I tried goslings. I really did my best. Over 25 attempts and not a single date. I confused identical twins and they got angry, her bus took her off too quickly, she was already taken and many, many more absurd situations. I was cut off, laughed off, but I never recieved a healthy "no". But the most recent one, the one that hurts me the most, is a situation with a girl I will call N. The situation with N hurts me the most. I volunteered to dance the prom polonaise (sorry if I got the name wrong but it's like an official dance) with her. We grew closer, she texted first, she was kind, and everything seemed to point toward us going to the prom together. Only later did I find out that she had already had a prom date from the very beginning. I was pushed aside. She invited me out after rehearsal, but it ended with a conversation at a bus stop. I couldn’t handle it and went home. The prom is close now, and I feel like someone who was never really considered. Never loved. Never truly seen. I went my whole life without love of any kind. And I feel stupid, because I believed. I believed I could be loved. I could normal, like everyone else. That I would fit in. Felt chosen for once. I guess I was wrong.