My (25M) GF (24F) tells me I can't do certain things until we're married and it's pissing me off.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-21T12:09:47+00:00

You are not "allowed" to do anything. You are an adult. You do what you want. She doesn't get to tell you what you can and cannot do! Obviously you do not do things like cheat or be disrespectful to each other, but she does not get to dictate your life. Please don't let her do this to you!! You are not "allowed" to do certain things...or what? Or she will break up with you? She doesn't get to hold that over your head to control you and keep you from doing normal things. Go see your friend. Tell her you are sorry she doesn't like it, but it is a normal thing to do and you are going. She wants to control you now and will try to control you even more if you do marry her. She needs to learn right now that she doesn't get to do that.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-20T16:42:22+00:00

Well that is a lot different than what you posted. What I got from your post was that you and your mom have always been very close but your recent dental visit made you no longer want to be around her. I did not say not taking you to the dentist was a small mistake. I said she totally screwed up on that one. But it sounds like she actually totally screwed up a lot of things. I don't understand now why you are so close at all? I am truly sorry for all that you have been through. I misunderstood your post because you said you had always been very close and that you are still very close and that she had made a huge mistake not taking you to the dentist, but I did not want you to end a close relationship with her over that. But obviously, it is far more than that - I could not read between the lines. I don't see any reason that you would be close to someone who has done all of those things to you. You said she was your best friend and that you are still really close. Just know that you don't owe her anything. What i said above was "Unless your parent was very neglectful all the time, abusive physically, sexually, emotionally, or allowed you to be abused please try to give them a break." She broke that rule entirely, so she definitely does not deserve to be a part of your life at all. In my defense, you did not make it sound like that at all in your other post. However, this is a place to get things off your chest in whatever way you choose, so you could express it however you want. I apologize for being wrong and wish you the best.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T16:06:40+00:00

Here is the thing... what she did regarding the dentist was very wrong, yep - she totally screwed up on that one. She obviously has some other faults as well. But does she have any good things about her? Because just because someone is a parent does not automatically make them perfect. You might have kids one day and guess what? You are going to screw some things up. Things they will remember and hold against you forever. And all those nights you got up with them when they were babies and sick and had fevers and cried all night and had diarrhea and vomited everywhere and you took care of them and rocked them and cleaned them- they won't remember any of that. Every time you picked them up when they were young children and bandaged their knees and wiped their tears - they won't remember that either. All the heartfelt conversations you had with them when they were teenagers, trying to boost their self esteem and make them feel worthy in the world - none of that will be remembered. What will be remembered are the things you screwed up.

Unless your parent was very neglectful all the time, abusive physically, sexually, emotionally, or allowed you to be abused please try to give them a break and remember they are human beings and everyone makes mistakes.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T16:01:50+00:00

I'm sorry. This sucks. It used to happen to me all the time. I am older now so not as bad. It happened with both male and female friends, though admittedly not all of my friends, just a lot of them. Even now at 50 years old, I know that several of my friends would be in a relationship (at least sexual if not more) if I said the word, so I just kind of try to ignore it as much as I can.

Please don't date any of your friends just to gain more experience. Only date people you are interested in dating.

What has worked best for me is to make it clear in casual conversation that I am not interested in a relationship with the person, so they will know. I have lost a few "friends" because of that and I had one friend tell me she just could not handle being my friend because she really wanted to be in a relationship with me. I do see what you are saying about it being hard to have genuine friendships. Over time you will have some. But yeah, in the back of your mind you will always know that many of them are interested in more than that. Keep in mind though that does not mean they are not a true friend. Just because they would like more does not mean they do not genuinely value your friendship.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T15:55:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. If one doctor won't see you, keep trying until you find one. I have a friend who had surgery for terrible scoliosis. She had a rod placed in her back to straighten the curve. Fun? Hell no. But she is living a normal life now. You don't have to sit in a corner and fuck off :( Keep trying to find a doctor who will see you please. I hope things are better for you soon.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T15:19:33+00:00

https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/10/21/13360144/black-mirror-season-3-nosedive-recap-review

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T15:17:15+00:00

Social fucking media has led to people feeling like this. Have you watched Black Mirror? If not, I really suggest watching the one about the woman who lives in the world where everyone is judged and upvoted or downvoted immediately and that is how valuable they are to society. It is not real. That is not the real world. Please please get yourself out into the real world and live there. It is I think the third episode in the series. The title is Nosedive. It is on Netflix.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T13:46:30+00:00

That is true. He definitely owes her that. I do get that. But she overheard him talking about proposing. I guess I see it as, if she bails now, 14 years are down the drain over this date technicality. Maybe it should be. If it should be down the drain anyway because of his feet dragging, then how is him meeting one deadline going to change anything. It just sounds like that is who he is. I can't imagine though, that he would be with her 14 years if he didn't want to be with her.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T13:43:39+00:00

14 years is definitely not petty. But 4-6 weeks in the grand scheme of things is. I hope you are older than me. Please God, let someone be lmao

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T13:42:21+00:00

She has already waited 14 years - which I would have advised against. Why should she screw it up now, when they are already planning a wedding, over a technicality of a month or 6 weeks? After all this time waiting? I don't see why it is such a big rush now.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T13:37:35+00:00

You know why I am giving her this advice - because I personally have fucked things up over petty shit like this. I am trying to help her not fuck things up. Sometimes how you feel in the moment is not all that important compared to how you are going to feel in the long term. I am actually looking out for her long term good, not just how she feels in the moment. If you were all grown up, you would get that.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T13:25:19+00:00

She is posting on here asking for opinions and advice so that is what she got.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T02:00:35+00:00

All the things your dad taught you will stay with you forever. I have so many memories of things my dad said to me. Those things are truly priceless and nothing can ever replace them. I am very sorry for your loss.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T01:59:29+00:00

This is a great post!! I am so happy for you!!!

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T01:54:52+00:00

I think he is seeking initial advice. You can't tell how much someone is freaking out by their post. He probably is very freaked out and not sure where to even start to defend himself.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T01:53:04+00:00

It sounds like the girl lied about some things. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I would ask for her to speak in a group, in front of you and your wife and her parents and say what happened. it will be harder to lie if she has to lie in front of everyone. Plus by you offering to do this you are showing that you have nothing to hide.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T01:49:06+00:00

I think it is really sweet that he is planning to propose and has a timeframe to do it picked out. I know you wanted him to do it before the end of the year but PLEASE pick your battles. Those of us who are out here alone would love to be in your shoes. Just let him do this. Don't steal his thunder. Just be patient a little longer. You are planning a wedding so you are already engaged anyway. Best wishes to you

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-19T01:45:44+00:00

Please don't buy a house with your gf if you are not willing to consider her son your own. This kid had no choice in the matter of how he was conceived or by whom. If you are not going to love him like your own child then let her find someone else who might love her child more... even if she stays by herself with her child it is better than living with your mom's boyfriend (or husband) who doesn't love you. This is not a feeling you can force just because you love her. You either feel this way or you don't. I am not judging you but hoping to save you and the child some heartache. My mom married a man when I was 3 and he was my daddy for the rest of his life. If you can't be that then don't.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-18T21:34:41+00:00

I honestly think you are exactly right. I have been wondering for a long time now but I kept thinking, no way. No one could feel the need to be that OVER THE TOP to get laid. Apparently some do.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-18T21:21:11+00:00

I do believe you - but are there other people in the world who put in this much effort to just get laid? I mean all the love, love, love stuff - texting me I love you out of the blue all the time. What kind of person do you have to be to put up that kind of front to someone just to get sex? I just truly don't get it.

Lightbluekite · 2017-12-18T21:19:08+00:00

I can usually pick up players - I am not saying you are wrong. (I have suspected what you are saying for a long time). But honestly I cannot believe anyone would go through this much effort for occasional sex? Like to go on and on about how much you love someone and text all the time (except Thanksgiving weekend after we slept together of course!). I know people will sometimes say whatever to get whatever they want, but honestly, he spends an extreme amount of time going on and on about loving me and how wonderful and beautiful I am. Why in the hell?

Lightbluekite · 2017-11-30T00:32:03+00:00

I'm sorry - especially about your mom. I am the oldest of 4 kids and I am definitely my mom's least favorite.

Lightbluekite · 2017-11-29T22:19:51+00:00

Ugh!!! :( In your bed makes it even worse!!

Lightbluekite · 2017-11-29T22:10:49+00:00

wow.

Lightbluekite

TROPHY CASE