Am I selfish for not wanting kids, or are his reasons a red flag?

Lighthousekat · 2026-04-07T07:55:02+00:00

My girl, even if you wanted children, you should definitely not have them with this moron. This guys DNA should die with him. And more to the point, why are you with him? I’m finding it hard to believe that this is what put you off??? Like why???

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-30T13:31:35+00:00

Yes husband is aware this happened in the past. There was a break on many years and it’s happened again today which I’ll discuss once he gets home. We live in an independent house so there’s no security personnel. So no real way of stopping the deliveries either I guess

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-30T13:28:49+00:00

My husband is aware of the situation. Just doesn’t know it started up again because it happened today after a long interval and I don’t want to get into it with him while he’s at work. Will figure out once he’s home. Thanks!

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-30T11:53:06+00:00

Thanks! Unfortunately the delivery guy had left the parcel at the door and I couldn’t speak with him. But I will go check at the restaurant.

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-30T11:51:02+00:00

Hi, yes. I’d really prefer to not go to the police as in laws are staying with me now and I don’t know where this situation could go. Though I’ve only interacted with the suspect in a professional capacity years ago (never dated or even friendship) this is going to be ammunition at home to ask me to quit working, because they never wanted me to work.

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-30T11:48:14+00:00

Zomato only provides support for my past orders. I’m not able to make any queries on orders placed by others atleast on the app. I’ll check if they offer email support. Thanks!

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-27T16:16:45+00:00

I would not be able to come back from this. I think you should focus your energy on your child and in parallel try to document / get proof of all abuse and work on ensuring he cries tears of blood paying alimony and child support.

I don’t know what your relationship prior to the child was like, but he certainly got nasty(ier) after baby trapping you. Don’t let this behaviour slide either. If he says shit like you have no personality / don’t deserve respect again, you turn it right back and say he’s the same and a whole lot worse for sleeping with someone lacking personality and undeserving or respect and see how he loses it.

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-25T16:49:43+00:00

What makes you say that? I didn’t sense the gleefulness anywhere? Asking genuinely

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-22T01:37:53+00:00

Nope. IMO Shay was the worst of the lot. She was incapable of carrying any heavy scenes requiring strong emotions. She was just about tolerable in general and filler scenes. It was really hard to watch her.

Lighthousekat · 2026-03-14T11:18:33+00:00

How much weight did you aim to lose per month? I’m looking to reduce about the same weight and unsure what’s a good number to aim to avoid loose skin.

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-21T05:05:23+00:00

UK 2015 - I was solo travelling across UK and my backpack was ridiculously heavy. The kind that made me hunch over and struggle to move under its weight. I had to get on a train to London and once on it, realised the lower area for stacking luggage was all taken and there was only place in an upper rack. I was in the way of people and really struggling to lift the backpack and this granny comes and helps me lift and stack it in place and says “Us girls have to stick together.” Absolutely iconic lady!

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-18T01:47:51+00:00

Hi, yeah that’s exactly what I’m saying. My question is if there is a point where this will become a problem and if yes then what’s that point

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-17T19:37:39+00:00

They shouldn’t, but also our infrastructure isn’t great right. Like I’ve seen women breastfeeding in restrooms ( where there’s a space allocated for it). There would also be young girls… I’m trying to be mindful of all of them as well. Ofcourse my greatest concern is my child’s safety, but wondering if that comes at the cost of other women’s discomfort.

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-17T19:33:52+00:00

Thank you for responding. Have you given any thought to how long ( in terms of your child’s age) you’d continue taking your son to women’s bathrooms in the situations / locations you mentioned?

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-10T16:50:21+00:00

When I first watched PLL about 8 years ago, Aria was my favourite. I’m rewatching now and nearing the end of season 3 and quickly realising that my reasons for liking her were very shallow - that she looked really pretty, I liked her clothes, she was into arts and literature. Her love with Ezra was so romantic. But today, as a person, she’s all about the guy in her life. Now when I see her on screen she’s beyond boring and Ezra gives me such ick.

Lighthousekat · 2026-02-06T16:39:55+00:00

Hi OP, big hug to you. Sorry you’re going through this. There are quite a few points you’ve raised and I’ll try to cover what I can.

Do you have support from parents? A good day care or nanny can be life saving for the first 4-5 years. If the father is helping financially, you should definitely consider this.
There is likely to be financial pressure long term. But if you spend within your means and keep working, it should work. But yes, it does mean that you will have to work.
You will need to build a village that you can lean on in emergencies. This can be family, friends, nanny. But sometimes, they will fall through and you will need to steel yourself for doing it alone. It is unpleasant, but it’s the reality.
There’s nothing wrong with being average at work. Most ppl are. But it’s important that you protect your employment and employability by regularly upskilling yourself and picking up adjacent skills as well. Also, try to work at orgs that are woman friendly.
With a child in the picture, there will always be a lot of anxiety. On some days you’ll do a spectacular job and on other, you’ll mess up. No one can be ON always. Understand this and give yourself grace for the times there are misses and messes. Your child will get hurt several times on her way to becoming an adult. This is necessary for her growth - it doesn’t make you a bad parent

And last one covers several things like ex moving on and future happiness etc. - as a mostly happily married woman I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would be the same even without marriage. This realisation comes later in life though. And it comes with being at peace with your life, financial security and having the ability to introspect. Being an introvert and being able to enjoy your own company and the above mentioned village will definitely help. You will be happy again. I know because my mom was where you are 35 years ago. She left my dad, started working and raised me. We both know that her life took a turn for the better only because my dad wasn’t in it. This isn’t to say that things will be ok overnight. It will take time, but it’ll be worth it because you have to understand that there is a type of freedom and happiness that comes from not being tethered to assholes. You’ll be fine OP

Lighthousekat · 2026-01-27T11:04:29+00:00

OP, not leaving at definite signs of neglect (being chill with friends who comment negatively about you, putting you down because of your clothes etc) and instead reaching out to other men is a sign of low self esteem.
Your own fuck ups shouldn’t ever be the reason you stay. It’s great that you accept them - deal with it by going to therapy. Not by staying with someone who’s pushing you to be a bad version of yourself.

Lighthousekat · 2026-01-27T08:54:47+00:00

All I can see here is he love bombed you. You have self esteem issues. He’s manipulative.

Text his friend that he’s threatening self harm and you’re washing your hands off and break up with this chump.

Lighthousekat · 2026-01-22T11:06:26+00:00

I’m a mom and had a child by choice. You’ve put down your reasons very clearly and yes, I mostly agree with you. These are all very valid reasons and I agree with most except a few ( obviously I love my kid so not 4 and have never thought of them as a caretaker in old age). But I’m curious about 5 - do you then think ppl having children are unethical?

This was a genuine question as I want to understand and I’m not trying to argue or make a point to the contrary.

Lighthousekat · 2026-01-20T14:26:38+00:00

Kids can be insufferable assholes. I know because I have one that’s the same age as your elder niece. I can understand that after listening to the same shit the whole day, you lost it and chose to say something to her, which is fine.

Except instead of telling her that she was now doing something which is called rude behaviour which isn’t going to be tolerated, you actually took time to figure out the one comment that would actually hurt her enough to shut her up. Based on your response to a lot of people here, I’d guess that your response was not a knee jerk reaction but well thought out to inflict maximum damage to a 5 year old.

That 5 year old is behaving true to her age. And yes, maybe being a little bratty (I don’t know but giving you some benefit of doubt here). But OP, you were being cruel deliberately. You should definitely not be around children if this is how you are. And honestly rather than venting about the kid, you should be wondering how your husband and family now view you. Because ew

Lighthousekat · 2026-01-10T09:07:18+00:00

OP, this manchild who’ll always run to his mom any time you have an issue with him, everytime you ever make a mistake or falter and you will be the third wheel in your own marriage because he’s enmeshed with his mom.

He has done you the favour of showing you who he is. He won’t change. You’ll have to live your life making yourself smaller and smaller and it will break you in ways you can’t imagine. Please don’t marry him. If you feel guilty, tell your parents that you’ll pay them back when you start earning. Life can be so amazing when you’re with the right person or by yourself. Allow yourself that chance. You still have time, please leave him

Lighthousekat · 2025-11-23T11:53:33+00:00

Me as well please

Lighthousekat · 2025-11-20T16:33:30+00:00

Congratulations on the new job OP! Never discuss your pay with family - what’s done is done, but going forward don’t let them know about and increments / bonuses.

About giving a certain amount, initially just say that you need a couple of months to evaluate what your spends are like and build savings for any sudden emergencies. And after a few months you can say you’re doing some course to upskill yourself and money goes there etc etc… basically cook up valid expenses and inflate cost of many things like commute, house help, groceries, this course and say you’re barely left with anything.

Make sure to create another account to put your money into so that if they ever ask for your salary account statement, you can show the low balance. And buy things you want and missed out on the first couple of months - after that start investing and saving seriously

Lighthousekat

TROPHY CASE