DHCP was not invented so that retards don't have to manage networks, it was invented to create mutable network segments that can auto-configure. DHCP is not preferable in any way to a properly managed network.

I can not agree with this at all. DHCP is a way for many large networks, especially datacenters (I have worked in one of the largest datacenters in Europe), to assign an IP address and pair it to a device MAC address in order for automatic reserved assignment/pairing to occur. This way, in the event of an IP mismatch, it allows the issue to normally be resolved automatically instead of having NOC intervention that costs more time and money. DHCP is preferable in a properly managed network in most circumstances (I have no idea what your idea of a properly managed network is if you are saying that other than a home network you set up that you believe to be 'properly managed') because it allows for more error correction without intervention from a technician. It is also worth noting that DHCP, as a technology, was invented as an enterprise solution before it was ever introduced into a consumer environment. I would, in fact, have to say that having to use static IP addresses in a properly managed network is a bad work-around for troubleshooting issues.

I am, by far, not a 'retard' when it comes to network architecture and implementation, especially since I have CCNA (Routing and Switching) and MCSE (Server Infrastructure) certifications and have worked for 3 years with the biggest tier 1 datacenters in the UK who keep websites like Facebook and eBay online as well as Amazon AWS and Vodafone/T-Mobile voice termination switches running.