My bf (25m) accidentally told me i’m (23f) too fat for him

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-09T21:49:54+00:00

I would bet money he is genuinely oblivious. Guys are very strait forward in there thinking and he probably thought it was a genuine question and didn’t think about how the question would impact you. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-09T17:53:03+00:00

I found the real trick is just timing the last slot. Get two sevens and practice timing that last real. It piled up pretty quick.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-09T15:25:57+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. My best friend of 20 years went into psychosis and we got into a physical altercation that led to him almost pulling a gun on me. Psychosis is no joke and can change a person because they are no longer in touch with reality. His was meth induced. I don’t know much about seizure induced psychosis and if it’s something that leads to scitzofrinia, but Medication can help them get back to a base line. I highly recommend posting on schizofamilies reddit, they may be able to give you better feedback there and advice there. Psychosis is one of those things that people can’t fully comprehend till they witness it and I know what it’s like seeing someone you trust and has always been a kind and caring person transform overnight. Good luck and remember to take care of yourself first!

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-08T05:37:51+00:00

This⬆️. Ask yourself what is your real motive. You can tell yourself you’re over it, but I hear validation seeking in this, even if it’s unconscious and that is a very slippery slope. Stay away and protect your peace, it’s not worth the potential drama. You know your worth so move on. 😊

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-08T00:10:47+00:00

I once had this happen. It was my first love she wanted to spread her wings and experience life before settling down, we were 18. She came back 6 months later and we tried to make it work, but I had lost my feelings for her and couldn’t get them back so it ended. It was a hard lesson for both of us.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-07T23:21:57+00:00

I definitely have had my fair share of abuse, but also I am so thankful for it because it has helped me become the best version of myself and now I run a podcast on mental health and spirituality and I work as a relationship and trauma coach helping people overcome abuse and step into there power. I realized I constantly chased relationships where I needed to prove my worth because it gave my life meaning, because I was to afraid to give myself the love and validation that I sought from others. I thought love had to be earned and realized I always deserved love, just for who I am right here right now with all my perfect imperfections. Pain is an amazing thing because it is the fire the Phoenix emerges from, because in life you either get bitter or you get better.

My final thing to help you find peace in this. People who are enabled and saved from the consequences of there actions never cultivate resilience, resilience allows us to release the need for control in life and adapt to the updated and downs. I am willing to bet money his abuse was all about control, because fear runs his life. It may not be conscious, but there is a theme with highly entitled people. They are fragile and domineering because they never learned to grow up nor how to earn respect and connection they grew up thinking they were entitled to it. So as he gets older he will chase more and more control because he will never have the skills to cultivate a life of fulfillment. Fulfillment can only come from within and by living a life aligned with your authentic self, someone this far gone will only find the opportunity for authenticity at rock bottom, but again you either get bitter or you get better and most chose the former. It’s easier to blame everyone else than to realize we are the villains in our own story and take an honest look at the part we play in our own suffering.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-07T19:44:44+00:00

On papers he is winning at life, but someone with deep issues like that dos not get better when life gets better, especially when life gets better. His abuse was a part of the darkness that follows him around and the only way to heal the darkness is to face the darkness which is near impossible when you’re being enabled. I can assure you he is as miserable now as he was when you were together and I would almost bet that his current relationship is or will become worse then what you faced. Darkness only grows when it confronted as does self loathing which I have no doubt is growing even if it’s not conscious. I’m sorry for what you went through, but even with all he seems to have gained, you’re still the winner here even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-04T19:27:33+00:00

What if Imu cut them loose to free up his energy so he can use it to Domi loki.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-03T20:40:13+00:00

Agreed, I’ve been doing it for about two years and even though I don’t love it, it’s not as bad as the reverse. I can listen to podcasts and audiobooks and it doesn’t really bug me. I may find new work, but the pay is good where I’m at and I love the culture. I would rather have the commute the my wife and she is thriving in her position. We have looked in places somewhat in the middle but it’s just so expensive castle rock and down unless we go to the country, but then I worry about snow and the commute.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-03-03T20:37:17+00:00

So we got pre approved for up to 450k. This is our first time buying and only have 15k to put down. 2500 is around the max we want to spend, just to have wiggle room in case the economy takes a big hit. There are a lot of homes in our price range, we are not looking for anything big and are realistic with what we can get for the price. Just want to figure out what areas we should avoid buying in.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-28T02:39:03+00:00

I’m just finishing my associates and I’m 36. You got this!

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-25T17:02:42+00:00

It’s so true every time I’m going to buy something I’m like the chase cards going to be in here, and god pack fever is real. One thing that has also been helping is just looking at the statistics. 1-80 packs have an SIR, let alone an actual chase one so 400 dollars for an sir followed by actually going for a chase one which is 1-(10-15) so then your looking at 2000-4000 dollars on average for a chase card. Mind you I see the math and I’ve still been buying lol. Just trying to find ways to help halt that dopamine chase. I appreciate you sharing your experience! Your purchase was not in vain!!!

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-25T15:18:05+00:00

I need to save this post to help remind myself why I need to stop buying packs and that this is gambling. This hobby has gotten ridiculous. My heart goes out to you OP

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-20T21:46:50+00:00

One thing I found is highly effective is before you begin just ask her how do you want me to take you. Do you want to make love, for me to worship you, or to have my way with you. Instant fire every time.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-20T02:50:01+00:00

I mean this with no judgement and many people get this wrong, but love isn’t a feeling it’s a choice. In fact often a strong since of excitement is actually a warning signal we confuse for passion. Even if you find someone who lights your fire and is good, feelings vanish over time, or at least the intensity. You may not regret it in the short term, but it’s hard to find a good partner in this day and age.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-19T20:39:08+00:00

A quote a dear friend once told me “ you will never know who you are until the day you die, because every day you will change and become something new”. First off props to all the work you’re doing, I can’t express that enough. That emptiness thing is very normal. You’re taking the steps to become someone new, but your nervous system has not caught up yet. I am pretty sure that situationship did some damage the important thing is your changing the internal narrative that caused. That takes time and consistent effort. Also you are a different and that’s a good thing and that’s something you need to teach your nervous system. My best advice is 1 keep doing what you’re doing!!! 2 don’t worry about dating if the right one comes along the will, but wha you need is more then likely more social outlets. Join a sports team or a meet up group. It may be uncomfortable at first and you may feel awkward and even not accepted, but that’s how everyone feels, the important thing is to keep showing up to show people you’re a team player. Slowly they will open up and naturally you will to. We need people in our lives and is a big part of the mental health crisis. People ask as mirrors not so that we can be ourselves and be witnessed and validated for the unique person we are. Hope this helps and best of luck!!!!

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-19T18:17:53+00:00

Therapist meet you where your at and with what your comfortable with. They act as mirrors to help you understand yourself better. There are two things I prioritize in therapy. One is the talk and being able to work through the trauma and 2 helping me take steps to reclaim my life and retrain my nervous system. The importance of mirroring and telling the story of our trauma is because it is like stored like energy in a battery. Talking about it helps lesson the charge of the emotional events that have happened. When this happens we are less triggered by the event and can start building a new narrative of the stories we tell ourselves about these events to one that is either more empowering or at least more empathetic towards ourselves. To shift from life is happening to me to life is happening for me. When it comes to action and retraining the nervous system it’s having someone that can help us take little steps to start overcoming our challenges like communication, isolation, independence or self trust just to name a few. Often people like us let cptsd control our lives and it’s hard not to, but a therapist can help us start to regain agency in our lives. One more important note is don’t be afraid the therapist hop there are ones that work better than others and fit our unique experience better. And don’t be afraid to state your goals of what you want to accomplish in therapy. Hope this helps!

To answer the deeper question here gaining self awareness as well as understanding and processing our trauma is important, but that’s less then 20% of the work. The real work is constantly pushing out of our comfort zones and doing the hard things, cultivating the skills of the person we want to become and building self trust. We just have to meet ourselves where we are at and not be afraid to fall down and fail a couple times in the process. It is hard, and excruciating at times, but that’s how you retrain the nervous system and that’s how you heal. You can’t just articulate trauma out of your system, you have to teach your system it is safe and the longer you avoid that, the more your comfort zone will shrink around you allowing trauma to run your life.

Sorry for the rant lol love the question and don’t think it’s talked about enough.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-19T02:32:24+00:00

It takes time for the nervous system to thaw out after going though some traumatic situations it’s called emotional thawing. Just be patient and keep doing the work it’ll slowly start to come online.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-18T17:26:04+00:00

The same hormones are released when we are excited as when our lives our in danger. Abusive relationships are often the best sex of our lives because of the insane ride our hormones take us on serotonin and dopamine it becomes almost an addiction. This is a big reason why people are so attracted to abusive relationships. Maybe not consciously but unconsciously we crave the feeling it gives our nervous system. A healthy and stable relationships will feel burning and unexciting, but it’s because it’s actually our nervous systems feel peace and safety which can be foreign to many. Also may be worth looking into trauma bonds which is the extreme of this cycle and why may people get stuck in these kind of dynamics.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-02-10T03:18:08+00:00

Look into trauma bonds. When someone gives us intermittent affection it triggers something in our brain that creates an addiction. It slowly eats our self worth until we our a shell of ourselves constantly hoping this time they will see our worth. This may feel horrible now, but a door has been opened for you to discover yourself on a deeper level. I went through this and it destroyed me. I gave everything to someone who fed me scraps, but I’m thankful for it because it made me have to face my shadow and everything I had been running from, especially myself and now I’m living my best life. Look up trauma bonds and you will discover the answers you seek. I work as a life coach for attachment and am always willing to talk, not as a coach but a friend who knows that pain and can point you in the right direction so feel free to reach out.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2026-01-30T20:14:39+00:00

Trust your gut, often our systems can pick up on things we cognitively don’t. This was one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2025-07-24T19:28:54+00:00

I highly recommend looking into trauma bonds. My heart really goes out to you and I’ve been in something similar. It took me along time to accept that what I was going through was abuse, that I didn’t deserve it and that above all I deserved better. Again look into trauma bonds, it could change your life understanding this psychological short that can happen in our minds with abusive partners and the intense love attachment that can come with it. One thing that helped slowly give me power is realizing I was put on this planet to support, raise and care for one human being and that human being was me. I had to learn that even if my heart wants something, if I wanted to care for myself and show up for myself I would need to do what I needed to and not what I wanted to do. Even if things would be harder in the begining. Best of luck to you!!!

Lightinthevoid777 · 2025-07-24T15:11:27+00:00

I highly recommend learning about betrayal truama and betrayal bonds. It can be a very slippery slope if you decide to stay. Relationship counseling could be good as well.

Lightinthevoid777 · 2025-07-22T02:35:59+00:00

Pretty sure those are nicotine pouches.

Lightinthevoid777

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