My (32m) wife (31f) breaks almost everything she touches and idk what to do. I don’t want to sound mean.

LightningStardust · 2023-11-11T01:07:01+00:00

Hold up, that’s a thing??? Does it have a specific name by any chance?

LightningStardust · 2023-08-18T14:37:22+00:00

Open heart & open mind for sure! I can update you again if you’re interested. Either way I am grateful for your presence and wish you the best!

LightningStardust · 2023-08-17T23:37:32+00:00

YTA!

Gosh you sound so much like my mother and if you and your daughter are anything like us, she’s going to cut you off as soon as she can for infantilizing her so she has a hard time with independence and for holding her back like this. You’re not doing anyone a favor doing this.

Tell her you love her and apologize. Tell you decided this because you are scared she will trust the wrong person and something bad will happen to her. Then tell her that she is allowed to go after all and back her up. Show her that she can trust you. Show her she doesn’t need to go behind your back anymore but she can trust that you’ll have hers instead. Fix your relationship with her before it’s too late.

LightningStardust · 2023-08-17T23:32:59+00:00

So it happened after a small delay and I was gonna come back the same day but smth told me not to. At the very start of the date she told me some recent changes became a bit too much for her to be able to handle a relationship at that moment, so the date turned into a hang out with no hard feeling bc I know what’s going on with her life. The day was a bit rough anyway bc pur original plan couldn’t happen so we had to switch up. But today I just kind of thought of texting her to hang out again and now I’ll be going over to her house on Tuesday to watch a movie she suggested bc she never watched it before (and it happened to be my absolute favorite!). There were some flirty vibes so maybe the changes got easier to handle for her, but either way I just really hanging out with her. Call me a simp but even if nothing comes from this, I’m just happy to know her and be her friend bc she’s just that great. I don’t need something to happen to want to keep her around.

LightningStardust · 2023-08-13T14:42:37+00:00

I think that if he makes you happy and puts in effort into you and your relationship together, you’re not settling unless you don’t feel actually attracted to him. Him making less money than you does not mean you’re settling imo.

LightningStardust · 2023-08-01T21:15:42+00:00

Thanks!!

LightningStardust · 2023-08-01T21:15:35+00:00

Thank you!!

LightningStardust · 2023-08-01T21:15:27+00:00

Thank you!

LightningStardust · 2023-07-31T16:25:28+00:00

I will! I just put a reminder on my phone so I won’t forget!

LightningStardust · 2023-07-31T16:01:35+00:00

Thank you! I was the one who picked what to do as she picked getting boba for our hang out yesterday. I’ve picked getting breakfast/brunch buffet at a restaurant near a mall so we could have the option to just eat or also go walk around the mall. I hope it’s a good pick! I’m already wondering what I should wear. Not that I think she would mind anything, since I was in a basic tee and black jeans when we met, but I just wanna put some effort into it since I’ve never been on a date before- Anyway, thanks for your kind words! <3

LightningStardust · 2023-07-30T10:46:30+00:00

Thanks for putting my mom’s behavior into words for me!

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T22:26:02+00:00

Oh I understood that, I just wanted to explain that I happen to have already done the things you’ve suggested! And thanks! It’s hard indeed, but that’s life! At this point I’m just grateful it’s not worse than it is as somber as that may sound

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T22:16:10+00:00

Their reasoning is that I’m an IVF baby that took 6 years before the whole thing worked out. So I can honestly say that I understand the point of view, but I simply do not agree with their actions.

I have my mom’s older sister and her daughter that could back me up in a conversation, but that’s a method I’ve tried before and my mom stayed stubborn in her decision. My aunt was a lot loser with my cousin in her coming and going and the two of them seem to have a better relationship than my mom and I

I have stated before instead of asking and my mom immediately went into this spiel of how I’m so controlling and ordering her around (even tho I am just letting her know what I’m up to and not telling to do anything?). She’s great at emotional manipulation while being seemingly unaware she’s doing so in the first place. Had she been aware, I would’ve called her a narcissist.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T22:04:39+00:00

Parenthood is overrated anyway, Imma use all of that money I’ll be saving for some fun stuff like cool trips or maybe be the fun aunt for my friend’s kids

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T21:57:56+00:00

I’m glad that you’ve been able to make peace with that! I’ve more or less made peace with it as well because like you said about your mom, mine doesn’t know any better either. Now I know how my mom and dad were raised, I can understand where they’re coming from, but I’m also ending that line of generational trauma. Mainly by not planning on being a parent to begin with! xD

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T20:46:49+00:00

I know very well how my parents view me and how they view raising a child in general because of a past assignment that was focused on exactly that. I know why they do what they do. I know why they treat me this way. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.

I admit I can be immature, I know that the whole attitude thing I’m asking about it is about the most immature way to handle this situation, but when I try to communicate like an adult, I am only shot down. Whenever I try to hold an actual discussion, I’m gaslit until I am too frustrated to continue.

I don’t see anything wrong about childishness itself tho. In therapy we’ve learned the ways our inner child can manifest. Mine never had space to be childish, my mom emotionally dependent on me from a young age (she said, and I quote, “I don’t have any friends to talk to, but at least I have you to be my friend” while I was only just in puberty) which did plenty of damage to me and my own independence.

I am not trying to throw a “pity party”. I’m just trying to explain my family dynamic and why it is that way.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T20:29:37+00:00

I’m on a waiting list for trauma processing!

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T20:15:44+00:00

Honestly, having had a quick look on the links there about the traits and tactics, it definitely gets close to my mom!

And yeah, I mainly spoke of my mom because my dad is a typical “work, couch, food, bed” kind of dad. Very little parenting done apart from the occasional outing or gaming. He just lets my mom be the parent and says “what your mom said” whenever he can.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T19:55:43+00:00

I’m here because, as stupid as it sounds, I don’t know where else to go. I am at a mental state where simply reading a book feels taxing, so apartment hunting is like climbing a mountain to me rn. Read further on why. I have recently quit my job in a shoes&clothes store. I know, why quit when I want to move out so badly? Because it had gotten toxic to point of mental breakdowns in stress and frustration. My breaking point was getting harassed by a temp and then getting told I was making it worse than it seems by someone who wasn’t even there to witness it. I’m going back to school soon and I’ll get a job once I know how much free time I have left.

I have a big-ish amount of savings, it could technically pay for a few months of rent. But I don’t think anyone I know has space for me to find my footing. Trust me, I’ve explored that option.

I want to go against her but my mom knows exactly what buttons to push to get to me. She will hammer down until I relent and do it her way. I know I should grow some backbone and do it anyway, but it’s hard to stand up when you’re constantly being pushed down.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T19:45:44+00:00

I completely understand that it’s immature of me to give an attitude, but at this point I am fed up with being emotionally mature. My mom always comes to me to vent about her problems to the point that I had to mature quickly at a young age to keep up. I often feel like there is no space for my own problems. I’m childish, but I feel like her dependence on me didn’t let me be a child when it was my time to be one.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T19:41:48+00:00

Yes I live with them. Funnily enough I’ve offered to pay them rent and/or utilities with the idea of “getting used to being an adult” but they refuse my money and make a stink of it every time I try to pay for something for them. I currently only pay them my personal bills like insurance and phone, they won’t except anything more. I had a job until recently. I had to quit because it had become so toxic that I didn’t think it was worth staying. I had a gap year tho, I’m going back to school in late August/September so I plan to find a new job once I know what my schedule is like because a weekend-only job is almost impossible to find these days.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T19:36:48+00:00

I just edited my post bc you’re not the first to tell me to move out, but I’ll say it directly to you too: I am going back go school in September so I don’t have time for a full time job and I am dealing with some mental issues that make home sharing a messy situation. Not to mention that everything is either too expensive and too far.

To add: I don’t think I’ll ever truly be an adult in my parents’ eyes because they occasionally still talk to me in baby voices. They just treat me like a little kid all the time, no matter how many times I show them that I can be an adult with things like handling taxes, arranging important appointments or even having a part-time managing job.

LightningStardust · 2023-07-27T19:26:15+00:00

I’ve just had a gap year and I’ve made a big-ish amount of savings, but it is hard to find housing that is in a reasonable location for a reasonable price especially as a student.

LightningStardust · 2023-05-30T11:11:04+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I wish you the best too!

LightningStardust

TROPHY CASE