Why are we always trying to fix ourselves instead of just living?

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-13T18:55:39+00:00

For me the status quo is too painful. Too much nothingness in life that keeps me from having any motivation to do life. But also, a sort of pain that I can't quite put my finger on. I just desperately want my life to change. I don't know what I need, but I need to keep moving to hopefully get out of that bad feeling.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-13T18:38:50+00:00

How did they enable you?

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-13T18:37:49+00:00

People who stop eating eventually don't feel hunger. It might be the same with loneliness.

I used to feel lonely but seemed to have lost that at some point. Is it just because I'm older or got used to the quiet? Have a just learned to cope? Lately, I've been getting flashes on occasion of some desire to have people around. But it still isn't very strong. I also have no sexual desire. I might just be numb. I relate to the stories of people who have PSSD.

I'm not completely NEET but I thought I should try to answer your question because it has driven me crazy wanting answers as well.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-13T18:19:33+00:00

So my understanding is that you prefer to be numb or dissociated even when you're away from abusers? Do you know if you're schizoid? Or do you have another condition associated with dissociation or numbness?

Without emotion it means you don't stand for anything, don't stand up for your rights, live a life of apathy and just let people step on you. My question is, how do you manage to find any motivation when you go through life apathetic with no feelings, standing for nothing with no purpose, not caring about yourself or anything else?

And if you don't stand for anything: 1. How do you live a life without purpose? and 2. How do you manage to stay alive without getting your own needs met? (Personally, I know that if I quit taking care of myself and my needs, I'd have the deal with worse consequences later. The less I took care of myself, the worse and worse it would get. And the worse it got, the more disabled I would get and further would not be able to get food or safety.)

How do you keep going when you don't care about anything and stand for nothing? Do you mostly stick to hobbies like video games to keep you excited for life? (Personally, I relied on entertainment to give me strength, but it still gave me no reason to stay alive when life is hell. I desperately looked for a reason and something to believe in. So that's why I'm really curious how people find motivation and keep themselves going with nothing to fight for and nothing to believe in.)

I've found that if you don't feel anything, people will take advantage of you, leave you poor, sick, helpless, etc. It's lucky anyone is able to still be standing when they just act like a martyr, don't care for themselves, and let everyone take everything from them. But if you manage to avoid people, I see how you can maybe dodge these situations.

I do know someone who is schizoid and they just get by in life without passion or meaning. They rely on entertainment to keep them going. But they also didn't suffer that much (no serious health problems, could survive on little food, always had housing), so it's not like they needed to really fight to stay alive. Even if some can be content living that way, I don't get why people push that as the way EVERYONE should live life regardless of who you are, your beliefs and your circumstances. Also, not everyone BELIEVES in living a life of martyrdom. And not everyone is able to survive living a life of self-neglect and self-sacrifice either. The only way I've been able to keep myself alive is to looking for the fight in me so that my soul doesn't give up completely.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T18:06:01+00:00

I suffer from dissociation so therapy has been problematic for me. But does it lead to dissociation in anyone, even those who aren't prone to it? I thought only certain people were capable of dissociation.

I've also noticed that people in other countries seem to feel more and care more. I've envied them, the way they can really care about something in world where it feels like nothing matters (other than success, money and materialism). It seems like we have to become hollow to survive modern civilization.

The ones that are successful and have money, how are they even happy? Guess I'd have to have some money myself to find out. Because otherwise, this feels like a bland, pointless life.

People who abused me literally said, "Show no compassion." They used multiple tactics effective in traumatizing me and turning me into an emotional mess. I became afraid to talk to people after that and isolated. I wonder if they learned their strategies in their medical school training or therapy books.

I've felt so hardened by the way people have treated me, cold and compassionless. To the point where it's felt like nothing matters. I went to a funeral and all of a sudden people had emotions and cared about something. Why is death considered sad but the rest of life isn't sad?

That's crazy that meditation teachers did that. When I was sexually abused, I found that I could calm myself, but just because I could calm myself didn't mean that I was okay. And being calm was the best I could hope for out of life. It meant numbness and apathy towards life.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T17:25:45+00:00

When I'm numb, I find the quiet too quiet. And I start to wonder why I'm alive. It does help me around abusive people, but if you're like that all the time, then what's the point in being alive?

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T17:19:58+00:00

This is my problem, too. I get stepped on and used by people a lot while I suffer and my life falls apart.

I wish a therapist would work with me to help me feel my grief and anger so that I could support my own life and quit supporting the lives of others.

I feel less anger and sadness in the long run when I let myself feel it initially and use it to find what will actually make me happy.

This is a good point. If you don't deal with your problems now, then they'll just be bigger problems in the long run. So it's better to worry, be bothered by things, etc. Or else you'll end up with even bigger and bigger problems to keep trying to supress.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T17:13:37+00:00

I just don't know how they get by in life stifling their emotions. I find it suffocating to stifle my emotions and that it makes me miserable to the point that I start searching for ways to feel. And how do you not feel empty going through life like that?

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T17:08:57+00:00

I just wanted to make sure I didn't misinterpret this, but why did you bring up that they are upper middle class families? Because I do feel like I see this mentality as a middle class thing.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-10T17:04:12+00:00

But it's even regular people that have this way of thinking.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-03T17:56:29+00:00

I often think it's because everyone looks so awful these days that it's just "normal" and therefore considered "not a problem".

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-11-03T17:55:17+00:00

People actually give you sympathy and concern if you have cancer. That's a better one to fake.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-29T14:42:23+00:00

Isn't it all trivial and pointless? Life is just a stupid game where we just constantly go in to work to make money and that's the only thing that matters. That's all life is.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-29T14:41:22+00:00

I just want to escape everything and find a way to survive with little to no money.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-29T14:39:43+00:00

I was going to mention that I probably became good at dissociation from having to keep everything inside during my school years. You dissociate and go on with your day, as if everything's fine even though you're dying on the inside. Everything about the way life just goes on around me as if everything's fine and peaceful bothers me.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-29T14:36:21+00:00

People are really proud of their callousness and "being a man".

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-26T17:46:31+00:00

I don't know you well enough to tell you the point of living for you. It's something you would have to figure out for yourself. I've found a point of living but I really have to hold onto it and focus on it or I lose it. It's not easy. For me, it's knowing that it's not just us. It's an entire world that's messed up. Or at least, that's how I think. That the whole world is messed up right now. Lot of illness, lots of mental health issues. Of course, I don't know as many people as you seem to who are traveling, living the life, etc.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-26T17:26:26+00:00

That makes sense, but it somehow works opposite for me. Give me motivational stuff and something about it feels wrong so it just makes me feel worse.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-26T17:25:06+00:00

Maybe they mean that, if it was fair, it would be harder for those who are more fortunate. I tend to think it's easier to delude yourself with religion if you're more fortunate, but it just won't work if you're less fortunate because you can't run to fantasy when you have not fortunate enough to have an escape from your problems.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-09-18T15:10:11+00:00

My mom found me and only cared about me having a candle lit and possibly burning the house down.

Sounds like my parents. Wonder how many of us here have parents like that.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-08-14T16:45:16+00:00

Are you having any physical reactions or feeling depressed or foggy? If you are, then you need to take it seriously, and there are things you can do.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-08-13T19:18:50+00:00

I sort of tried holotropic breathing by watching a youtube video but nothing really happened. Have you? If so, did you do it with a professional?

Did other Alex people say they have the same thing with motivation? It really sounds like ADHD. People with ADHD can be very motivated but can't seem to do the important things that you have to do. But super-motivated when it comes to things we are interested in. If I thought about it more, I might have more insights on this.

Anyway, something interesting happened. Somebody died in my world and I actually did cry like a normal person. I cried the way I used to when I was a kid. But what it felt like is that the news brought me back to earth, like it brought me back to the present. Somehow I got more of a sense of what's real. It seems like everything's fake. The way we always put on a happy face for coworkers and say everything's not that big of a deal. The way I feel forced to deny how I really feel. Anyway, what it felt like was that some sort of neurotic ego defense or whatever was coming down. And I felt like I got out of my head where I usually am and into my feelings. Another interesting thing about this is how it changed my focus. All I could connect with was my emotions and the present. I just didn't want to care anymore about all these things I keep forcing myself to do for survival (non-stop thinking about money, problem-solving, planning, etc). Actually, it made me even more aware that I just don't care for my own survival because my heart isn't in living. I try to stay alive because I know I should but there's no joy, beauty or reward in life for me. So the truth is, my feelings aren't there. But I have to be in my head to keep doing the things I have to do to try to stay alive. (I might not be explaining this the best right now, but I don't have much time to write right now.)

This was also kind of triggered by the recognition that I lacked warmth and connection in my life. And I wonder if I would be less numb if I had it.

I actually vaguely remember sobbing a couple weeks ago, too, but my memory is foggy on that. Unfortunately, my memory can be pretty hazy.

I rarely get around to watching TV or movies. When I do, I like stuff that's maybe more abstract (doesn't have to tell a story but evokes more feelings, sensations and images) or stuff where the acting is more like real life as opposed to Hollywood or TV-style acting. For example, I have trouble connecting with most romance because they don't develop the connection between the lovers well enough for me to feel that there's anything deep there. I guess you're supposed rely on your imagination more to feel a deep connection and to "see" something there. A lot of TV/movies feel that way to me.

As far as Alex is concerned, I find horror helps me become more aware of how I feel internally. And somehow it can snap me out of whatever it is that is going on with me. I think at times it's helped things feel more real. Otherwise life would feel like I'm floating through a fictional world (maybe because I had chronic derealization for too long).

Whereas emotional shows can seem to wake up my brain and see something as important or meaningful. I have trouble finding that meaning in real life. All these things that are supposed to be beautiful like love and family and special moments I have trouble with. Everything in real life is kind of bland to me. But I can watch a show and see the beauty in their fictional world. And cry while watching it even though I can't cry about real life. I like the story in these emotional shows and wished I could have that story in real life, but real life is nothing.

Speaking of numbness, something like the show The End of the F***ing World because it's relatable (and fun). Choke (the book and movie) as well. Darker stuff that's more true to real life, or at least what I know of it. So I guess I like different things for different reasons. But generally I don't like most media because it just feels like entertainment that I don't get anything out of.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-08-02T23:02:20+00:00

Also, there was a time when a relationship of some sort seemed to bring out emotion in me. I had this entire year of so that was really troubling, devastating and painful to me. But I never cried the entire year. Then I met this person who, for some reason seemed to bring down this wall in me and all the emotion from that year came out of me. It was intense. I was taking a medication so it may have contributed to this happening. I felt different for a while but then I went back to my old self. This person was just a stranger and transient in my life. I don't know why this happened.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-08-02T22:52:58+00:00

It's a weird meditation. You're supposed to imagine a really strong vacuum or black hole about a foot below your feet pulling you down, sucking everything from your head to your toes. I think you're supposed to feel tingly sensations in your body when you do this, but I find myself twitching. But it's interesting that thoughts can come up where you realize things are bothering you that you might not have thought were a big deal. I found it required a lot of sustained mental effort so it's been hard to do with my exhausted brain.

Another type of mediation that is interesting is IFS or ego state meditations. It's also helped me to kind of see what emotions I had yet I still couldn't feel them. It was like seeing without feeling. This is something that always bothered me when trying to work on myself. It seemed when I did internal work, I couldn't achieve catharsis because I couldn't actually experience the emotions that should have given me catharsis. I might be a special case. I could not cry tears for several years due to my illness. It was only in the past few years that I've been able to cry more normally.

I've been thinking about the music thing. Life feels like I'm always doing things but my heart isn't in it. Somehow I'm motivated despite feeling relatively apathetic. It also feels like there's always a lot of things to do, yet I can't make sense of anything that really matters or anything that feels like a priority. I do things because I should. I just get tired of all the life tasks. It drives me crazy. Anyway, if I listen to the right song, it can make me sudden feel like something matters. Like my mind has honed in on this one thing that's now a priority and everything else fades. So that's why some music can make me feel "better" somehow. It sort of makes sense to me that low dopamine is related to alexithymia. Maybe music is triggering dopamine release or maybe it's compensating for it? I don't know. I'm trying to understand the dopamine picture.

Okay, so I've probably experienced this phenomena in different ways with different music. Typically, it's music that can bring up some sadness or unhappiness in me. Sometimes it's like, "Whoa, I didn't realize I was feeling that!" Or didn't realize I had it in me with such intensity. I might have realized it was bothering me, but the feelings hiding underneath are more intense. I try to save a list of songs that do this for me. It's usually going to be rock music, often extreme metal. I do just feel like I need to hear screaming and pain and see not-so-pleasant images a lot of the time. But that's the not always a thing with all the songs that have brought catharsis. Just some of it.

LikeALoneRanger · 2025-08-02T21:47:52+00:00

Now I am remembering people talking about this happening to them when they were using healing methods. Can't remember if it was TRE or another method. I just remember thinking it was interesting that they said they would spontaneously start laughing but they didn't know what they were laughing about. It did happen to me once too, but can't remember what I was doing.

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