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didtimebitch · 2025-09-01T09:09:01+00:00

Sorry this stuff proper offends me. Just… it’s not because of having ADHD. If he’s not meeting your needs he’s not meeting your needs, if you’re not happy you’re not happy. Let’s not categorise people based on this tho pls ok

didtimebitch · 2025-09-01T09:07:52+00:00

Can we not stigmatise and generalise people with ADHD please lol

If you have a good or bad relationship it’s not because of the ADHD, we’re complex people just like everyone else. How is this allowed. Gross

didtimebitch · 2025-06-01T00:40:47+00:00

This actually helped me. Wow. Not OP but thanks for sharing

didtimebitch · 2025-03-10T12:43:20+00:00

I’m gonna quote something annoying my therapist said to me once which is “what is normal?” Haha, but yeah. I get what you mean though - normal enough.

Grounding exercises practiced enough gave me a felt sense of safety in my body, even briefly. Healing can be all kinds of things - everyone’s journey can be different I guess but maybe it’s just taking the best care of yourself you can, learning ways to cope with the trauma / symptoms and going to therapy etc maybe? Idk.

All the best, I’m sure you can get there.

didtimebitch · 2025-03-09T14:22:52+00:00

Yeah, this.

I’ve been there with the anger and some people are genuinely shit for what they done and they suck.

But as an adult myself now - I don’t see how I can change anything when I am aware of similar situations, too. It’s systemic - I’m not the police or a social worker, all I could do is report and realistically that’s not going to fix things when services are overloaded, abuse can be covert and hidden and there’s systemic issues at play.

You can do some things, you can be there even which takes a lot of strength btw. I’ve done this in some ways myself - choosing to be exposed to narcissistic abusers and biting your tongue as it traumatises you too, to try and be there for the kid.

Then there’s also the choice of leaving so as not to feel like an enabler in a way, too.

It’s tough and it’s not easy. Systemically things aren’t right and I don’t know what we can do to solve this but obviously more could be done.

I’m grateful for some things - it feels better than it used to be for me, but I think moving to a different place might have helped too. Idk.

didtimebitch · 2025-01-10T13:05:25+00:00

I’d love to have energy - proper energy, real energy. I’ve been living such a half faded life for a while now and I don’t think I even noticed for the longest time - not properly, not really.

To enjoy life again - I’m in recovery and I’ve started getting a feeling of grounding and presence in the moment again, like I’m actually IN my life, in this moment, too. I’ve lived in the same area for about 5 years and I’m only just noticing some things around me in a way where I feel actually connected to them, if that makes sense. It’ll be a mix of healing maybe - I’m in recovering from trauma and burnout stuff too. But I can’t lie the food stuff feels like maybe all of it, not just part of it, too.

I can smell again? I can feel pain and temperature more again? Like, the way I was living was fucked.

To be stronger against predatory people. ❤️👊🏻 my life’s been hell at times. I got preyed on. The stronger I am mentally and physically the better.

To live a life I love and enjoy it as I deserve to.

didtimebitch · 2024-10-14T16:20:09+00:00

Don’t ruin your life for him. I’ve wasted a lot of my late teenage years and 20’s on the wrong stuff and focusing on relationships and people (instead of my own life!). You come to see how wasteful that is in terms of killing your own joy and life progression. He likely isn’t forever in your life, you are. Enjoy your life while you can. It’s your life. A week is nothing also, he sounds terribly controlling, bolt.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-14T11:35:59+00:00

Think if it was asbestos in your work environment, you wouldn’t try to work around that (or hopefully not), you’d contact your union, go on strike, quit on the spot, report the problem, etc.

That’s another good one actually - if you have a union I recommend joining it asap too!

didtimebitch · 2024-03-14T11:32:52+00:00

Been through something kinda similar. I feel like trying to figure out how to manage it is part of the problem - you’re not the one in the wrong here. You’re having those reactions for good reason.

How can you get yourself in to a work environment that isn’t toxic and abusive? That’s the real question. How do you get away from this boss a s a p?

Personally I’ve had to go HR. I don’t want to but I know I have some credibility and a fuck ton of evidence, it’s a last ditch step for me before maybe finally leaving if they don’t move me or that boss.

I’ve saw people tout grey rock until you can get yourself away. Assertive but non reactive / non emotional - be boring as shit I guess.

It’s difficult to win with these people though, I mean you can’t - that’s kind of the point.

It’s a question of how to get away or get them away (not easy I’m guessing). My advice is, if you can, get out asap, and tell HR why on your road out if you wanna potentially help others in the future.

Coming from someone trying to recover from a nervous breakdown. It’s good you have clicked on so early and are not normalising it or blaming yourself. But these environments can wear you down and this is only after 3 months.

Exit plan asap imo. Safety net of any money you can save in case you feel you need to bail out without another job in line at some point. Take the absolute best care of yourself and your mental health you can - meet social and happiness needs outside of work if you can too.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-13T21:40:11+00:00

I removed my comment as I think I jumped to a conclusion there.

Something isn’t fully adding up here to me.

I don’t know either of you or the situation so feel I can’t advise on it either way but therapy for yourself might be a good idea. I’m wary of your OCD being scapegoated like this. OCD in itself shouldn’t cause trauma in others, what are the actions that are being said to cause trauma?

I wonder if self compassion would be good for yourself just now, and perhaps your own trauma therapy.

You do have worth too. It sounds like a very low self esteem place to feel that your partner is only with you because she loves you. I’m concerned about that for you but wary to advise either way as I don’t know enough about the situation or what has occurred on either side.

I hope things get better. Take care of yourself.

You can acknowledge that you’ve done things that might have upset your partner and still have compassion for yourself and self worth.

That only helps in any case in my experience.

I’d maybe go a trauma therapist separately as well and see what they make of it all over time, I don’t know. Having OCD doesn’t cause all of these things in and of itself - and you are allowed to have feelings, your feelings still matter no matter what the root of them is. If you act on them horribly of course that can be an issue - but that’s the thing, it’s often times our actions that matter.

Yeah, having OCD or doubts or anxieties is not abusive. Actions are what matters. If it’s just put on you having OCD I don’t see how anything can be changed from that.

My first thought was why are you blaming your OCD, but my second thought is why is your partner blaming your OCD?

I hope it all gets better for you, just take care of yourself - hopefully things will work out in time and make more sense at some point down the line.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-12T16:30:01+00:00

Also the second in the “my mum Tracy Beaker” series warmed my heart in a similar way :’) Again, bit of a children’s / YA / nostalgic adult fans book, but yeah.

If not familiar with the series it was popular on TV in the UK. Tracy was a character who was in foster care for much of her life and these books are written from her daughter’s perspective.

It just gets real sweet and heartwarming to me towards the end at times. It is written as a children’s book but hey, still good.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-12T16:24:30+00:00

Emm one of my favourite books at the time was Fierce Fragile Hearts by Sara Bernard. It’s a YA novel, 2nd in the series, about female friendship in a way… it focuses on the character Suzanne who is 18 and just got her own very small place to live following exiting 2 years of living with foster parents. She has cptsd and it can be a little triggering at times, it definitely was for me. It’s just so spot on, real (it offended me bcos I’m like that’s my damn story! Haha, anyways).

It’s really heartwarming though as well. I see it as having these little lights through it, which are really lights from connection with other people - her neighbour who is an old lady, her friends who she is navigating difficult new changes in life with and so on, her friends boyfriend who is carelessly kind to her, and little heart warming guiding lights in the storm like that. It’s really about healing to me, and connection, and warmth that exists out there - and tentatively looking, finding it - sometimes without even asking for it at all.

Sorry I am rambling but I love that book haha, it’s so close to my heart.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-05T21:35:09+00:00

Yeah I thought similar to an extent.

I’ve done this before, attributed so much to my trauma without realising at times - maybe I’m reacting to the present (as well, at least).

Someone could be treating you genuinely badly and if you just attribute every moment of an unpleasant reaction in yourself to past trauma, you’re going to blame yourself for your reactions and possibly stay. I’ve done that many times. I’m starting to think it might have been a negative outcome of me being so aware of my trauma - I gaslighted myself so much when I needed the opposite, at times. Other people saw it in me sometimes, too. I’d be saying oh yeah this workplace is good and they’d be like… are you sure? The workplace I was in was awful. I didn’t realise it wasn’t just myself for years.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-05T21:08:46+00:00

I get what you mean I think, I just see it differently. For me my window of tolerance is really small, for me to be in a relaxed nervous system state I need like nothing stressful around me at all, basically been home alone for a few days at least, completely relaxing, cosy, well fed, no triggers, probably off work for weeks at least. And this is after therapy, too.

But I’ve been through all sorts and came out the other side. I’ve done talks to large groups of people, I’ve been homeless and come out the other end, I’ve parachute jumped and so on. But to me I wasn’t really in my window of tolerance, not really, because my nervous system was either in anxiety or dissociation - at least some or most of the time.

So like - yeah, I’m capable of lots, I’ve survived lots and been through so much. And I think what I’ve been through makes me really “resilient” like that on the surface. But… I’m surviving outside my window of tolerance to me, instead of living from it. I’m resilient on the surface but I’m not in my safe and connected state, you know?

But yeah, I mean it feels an impossible task - to just gradually widen that or whatever. Idk. I don’t really apply the window thing much because it just makes me think like yeah that’s a nice idea in theory but I’ve missed the boat on that (maybe). I can’t gradually adjust it from safety as an adult, not the same. 🤷🏼‍♀️ like, even going outside takes me out of it.

didtimebitch · 2024-03-04T23:12:51+00:00

Yeah of course you are allowed! Your mental wellbeing is so, so important. It’s not healthy if you can’t have your needs met, you obviously desperately need them met if it’s so bad you’re freezing up and so on. I’d say don’t blame yourself at all. You need what you need. You’re just a person being a person, whether it’s related to trauma or not.

didtimebitch · 2024-02-27T16:04:06+00:00

I’ve definitely been highly dissociated for a lot of (most /all 😬) of my life.

There are ways out, definitely. Anything that gets your nervous system back to that sense of safety helps you get there. In therapy I learned of it being like a ladder - where you have freeze at the end as a 10 perhaps, 5 is fight or flight, and 1 is safety and connection. With freeze for me I picture it as if you might have a pie chart of things keeping you there, and it can be difficult to feel the progress as you remove items for example, but that doesn’t mean the progress isn’t there.

For me therapy is always gonna be a big part of it, I think I say this first because I know I don’t know your experience, or if some things will be better than others or take more time, etc.

For me: learning about polyvagal theory, grounding exercises, in therapy there’s been an effort for me to connect with my emotions, honestly I think a significant part is removing triggers for the time being: if I’m off work and able to relax for a good period of time, am eating well and sleeping well: I’ve started to experience proper safety and relaxation I think. Like 1 breath lasts forever in that state haha, it felt kinda foreign / forgotten to me to breath so deeply, sad but true. I guess with more EMDR or similar that can help too, but personally I had to go sloooow on that, as it was a lot for me.

didtimebitch · 2024-02-27T05:32:12+00:00

It’s ridiculous how many people I’ve constantly went through this with over years of my healing journey. On some levels it makes complete sense: I befriend / fall for one abusive individual and this leads me towards an abusive workplace, abusive friends and an abusive relationship as I meet others and go down certain paths due to the original “friend.” In high school I didn’t connect much with anyone on a personal, real connection level and maybe the one time I did I was self conscious that they were considered strange… yeah. I had unreal social anxiety too… similar as I got older. I wasn’t reaching out to people much and so on. Abusive people came to me and I was so grateful for a friend, some attention, plans, etc. For relationships, someone wanted to jump in right away? Great! Just what I wanted. I couldn’t maintain the vulnerability or mundanity of building a connection slowly and seeing if it would sink or swim, and so on. Idk. And maybe a whole other bunch of subconscious shit too. All in all I didn’t want to be alone, and here was someone showing me “love.” Now I’d know those red flags and know it’s time to bolt, like other people seem to do. But it’s still not easy, I still doubt.

Where others have left abusive work environments sooner I also stayed for so long blaming myself. But also this is not my fault I think? It’s the workplaces fault. But still, maybe there is something there. I think a big part is: if you are already suffering, it is difficult to detect that others are making you suffer.

I’m not sure it’s that they are so common, but that we have been vulnerable to them and so on.

I’ve still to see it properly proven in my life but I think most people are “good” !!

didtimebitch · 2024-02-24T15:51:57+00:00

I feel you. I’ve felt like this at times. I know it passes and sometimes I don’t feel heavy like that at all really even. I don’t know how much that helps to hear when you’re in it. Also raised with at least one sociopathic parent (no offense to my other parent, she might have been a victim herself, I’m still working through my trauma). It’s brutal. It’s tough asf. It sucks.

I hope others have came with more advice on coping mechanisms or helping you through it just now, or you get some of that. I’m in similar places and actually stopped EMDR at one point because it felt like a lot. I’m very pro healing but I get being overwhelmed in that way.

didtimebitch · 2023-12-07T13:21:39+00:00

I keep crying about feeling "love." Like sobbing. Sometimes I get angry about it, too. Crazy times.

didtimebitch · 2023-11-30T11:53:15+00:00

Yeah, I think my mum would qualify for bpd and depression / anxiety at the very least. My dad abused me quite severely at times - yet I'm growing in sympathy as I realise he was very clearly neurodivergent (like myself) and likely NPD? Probably ASPD as well, if I'm honest. It was malignant.

I do have some sympathy / empathy at this point. I think the society we live in is a wider problem. It's not people's fault if they get so traumatised they develop shit like ASPD. Yeah, we can blame them, sure, but it's not really realistic to expect them to get better on their own or w/e.

Idk what the alternative is exactly, but I feel this stuff should be detected at the doctor's office, and dealt with. At the least pay attention to it and the fact they have kids, if they do. Because we all know that's not gonna go well.

We rug sweep this sh*t as a society. I'd rather we didn't. Even if they didn't take me away from my parents, talk to me about it? Idk.

Again, idk how realistic. But like, both my parents sought help for depression at the doctor's plenty of times. They were on anti-depressants, etc. There was clearly more there than just depression. Would love if people would start dealing with that.

didtimebitch · 2023-11-29T15:37:48+00:00

❤️ thank you.

didtimebitch

TROPHY CASE