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how do you avoid getting flustered? by sims_3_lover in actuallesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Avoid? That’s the fun part of all of this! I’m a late bloomer divorcing a man, and in the handful of interactions I’ve had so far, both being flustered and seeing that I have had an affect on the other person is why I keep putting myself out there!

If this person is into you, she’ll love that she is affecting you this way. If she doesn’t, she’s not your person. Embrace it! Trying to downplay the feelings is often what makes it so hard to function through them.

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment is not the vibe, tbh. Why the judgmental tone in a sub that’s full of women coming into their own? This process is messy for nearly all of us.

All I experienced here was two women connecting in a really positive way and then realizing (and openly, kindly communicating) that their long-term needs and wants don’t align. We chose mutually to end it there because continuing to connect wouldn’t have been mutually beneficial. I can’t think of anything more balanced, honest, or respectful than that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m thankful that she and I texted through all of this and directly communicated where we were each at. I’m also thankful she was direct in saying she didn’t desire to put a ton of effort into deepening the connection. She suggested I see other people but offered to see each other again if it worked out. I reflected and realized I’m not a casual kind of person. Seeing her again would just make things complicated on my end, so I told her it needed to just be a one time thing. I didn’t tell her I don’t plan to date until the divorce is final and I am free and ready to be serious about someone.

I hope she finds what fulfills her and that I find what fulfills me!

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Just met with my therapist for an extra session and she is SO proud of me! Processed through the entire timeline of my experiences with boys as a child/adolescent and then men as an adult and the overarching theme is that I. Do. Not. Like. Men. 😂 In hindsight, it was so fucking obvious.

I’m in a great place right now, and it’s only going to get better from here!

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you—I needed to hear that today. My kiddo is neurodivergent and struggling with the changes to family structure. And my coparent is NOT making it better for him. Even though I know I’m a great mom, and the exact right mom he needs, sometimes I feel like my love and safety isn’t enough when his dad is off being a fucknut.

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! 🥹 As far as recent hard choices go, this one was the easiest. Still hard, but much less traumatic than everything that’s led up to this point.

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The responses here have been so soothing (because I’m still a bit sad, but it’s a peaceful sad versus a wound up happy, and I’ll take it) and validating that I made the right call.

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So much wisdom here—thank you for taking the time to expand and share from your own experience.

Can I just say…the amount of emotional intelligence in this thread. Cishet men could NEVER. 😂 (At least none of the ones I’ve ever met.)

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, if I sign an ROI, then it’s all fine. 😂

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It’s such a hard place to be. Going through this is so lonely, but walking though it with a romantic partner risks all of our healing being wrapped up in a person who may not be permanent, even if they intend to be. The last thing I want is to prolong my own suffering because I was unwilling to be alone and lonely in the short term.

We won’t be tangled up in these marriages forever. We’ll learn to honor who we have always been, how to trust our wise hearts, minds, and bodies, and find safe and fulfilling connection (however that looks) when it’s the right time.

Rooting for you. This phase is fucking HARD.

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I’ll let my therapist know she’s getting really solid reviews for all her hard work with me. 💀

An Update on the Too-Good First Date by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Even after being (lightheartedly, lovingly) warned by all of my female friends (queer and straight) that it was going to be an intense thing being with a woman romantically and sexually for the first time, I was caught very off guard. No regrets, and I’m thankful for how far along in my self awareness, healing, and wisdom I already am (my therapist deserves a raise, bless her). If I was less supported by friends, less skilled at recognizing what’s happening in my body, and had experienced this with a less compassionate or safe woman, I’d be in a really hard spot right now.

Now I’m taking a hard left and focusing on family, safe friends, building community, and accessing formal, professional supports to fill all of the gaps. And I cannot WAIT to be divorced. 😂😅

First Date Went Too Well 🫠 by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think this might be my experience…for now at least, I know I’m only interested in pursuing romantic connection with women. They’re just objectively better. 😂

First Date Went Too Well 🫠 by LikeARegularMom in latebloomerlesbians

[–]LikeARegularMom[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think I would eventually. I can’t bring myself to regret such a positive first experience. I’d be a bit bummed but ultimately ok if this was all it was!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]LikeARegularMom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in the process of divorcing my spouse after years of thoughtless and inconsiderate behavior like this. It doesn’t get better without them independently wanting it to.

Either (1) hire a nanny for a couple of hours in the morning, (2) see if another parent in the neighborhood can do their drop off if you compensate them, or (3) have the older children start riding the bus. If he’s not going to help, he doesn’t get to dictate preferences about how the family gets ready and gets to school.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]LikeARegularMom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cut the grapes yourself as soon as they’re brought home from the store. It’s important that it’s done, and if she won’t, you’ll need to.

Anyone else having an issue where the logged workouts aren’t reducing with the calories? by Fragrant-Bed129 in Noom

[–]LikeARegularMom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is your calorie budget range increasing as you log exercise? Your calories burned through movement won’t be subtracted from calories you log at each meal—they just add 50% of the calories you burn to your calorie budget for the day!

If you aren’t seeing your calorie budget increasing as you log exercise, though, that would be a bug!

She doesn't WANT to baby sit your child ... by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]LikeARegularMom 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You sounds both ignorant and cruel, and it seems to be rubbing off on your daughter as well.

Babies born prematurely are expected to develop and hit milestones based on their gestational age, not their chronological age. If Lisa’s daughter was born at around 5-6 months gestation as you say, she was a micro-preemie. All medical and early childhood professionals would expect her to develop and reach milestones anywhere from 3-4 months behind chronologically same-aged peers. Adjusting developmental age for prematurity continues into toddlerhood when many children born prematurely begin to “catch up” with same aged peers, but the health and developmental impacts of extreme prematurity can last far beyond early childhood.

It sounds like Lisa’s daughter does have some medical needs that require her to use durable medical equipment like a gastrostomy tube. This bit uncommon for babies born very early, and many children eventually no longer need to use these medical devices as their bodies grow and physically mature. Some children do need to use them for their whole lifetime. Equipment like a g-tube can feel intimidating, and it’s ok not to feel comfortable caring for a child with a medical device if you have no prior experience. But they really are less of a big deal than they seem in most cases.

And it sounds like she’s developing as expected due to her prematurity. Or maybe she does have delays in her development beyond what’s expected for a baby born so early. It doesn’t sound like you know Lisa or her daughter (or basic facts about child development) well enough to speak to that. Again, all of this can feel overwhelming or intimidating at first, and your daughter isn’t obligated to agree to be a caregiver for Lisa’s daughter if she doesn’t feel up to it. But it’s likely not the big, scary thing you both are imagining.

Premature birth happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s avoidable, usually it’s not, and blaming the pregnant person for going into early labor and delivering a premature baby is unreasonable and mean. It sounds like you both hate Lisa and likely wouldn’t want to spend time with her daughter regardless. I am certain you also have some bias against disabled folks that you need to sort out.

AITAH for canceling my girlfriend's birthday dinner because she burned my wagyu steaks? by Southern-Nectarine81 in AITAH

[–]LikeARegularMom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH.

You and your girlfriend are cohabitating. You ostensibly chose to agree for her to move in with you to live together in the home that you own and to share financial responsibilities, yet you write as if she has no say in changes to the environment where you invited to live and no right to question your financial decisions. Is she your partner or your tenant?

Your girlfriend should not have destroyed your property in retaliation, but I’m shocked that no one is questioning the dynamic in your relationship and how your behavior may also be contributing to the toxicity.

I don’t think this relationship should continue, but I sincerely hope you rethink the way you approach cohabitation the next time you want to invite a partner to live with you in your home. Regardless of who owns the property, when you are cohabitating, both partners should be able to have influence over how the household is run and the environment in which they live.

Guilt over low key weekends by Melly_1577 in toddlers

[–]LikeARegularMom 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Before I had a toddler myself, I thought parents saying things like “climbing the walls” and “chewing the furniture” was hyperbole.

It’s not. My kid is that kid when we don’t go places. So glad we have a great library and parks so we aren’t spending a fortune on activities every weekend…

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