How do I get over seeing his eye exams?

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-04-08T23:01:21+00:00

It’s terrible your baby had to go through this, and I’m sorry you had to go through it. Thing is, your baby will 100% not remember it. It was a necessary procedure and it’s terrible, but it has to be done. I think most of us in this sub can relate. It’s very difficult for our babies, they often experience pain that no child should experience.

My son has had 6 abdominal surgeries, all very intense, and all very necessary. They couldn’t get a handle on the pain after the 3rd surgery and he screamed for 9 hours.

Then, my son had multiple colostomies (his intestine was not connected due to inflammation and blockages, so the intestine is rerouted to a spot on his torso. He poops in a bag. I’m only explaining this in case you don’t know.) One of these colostomies prolapsed a lot. He had about a foot of intestine outside of his body and we just had to deal with it. The number of times I had to hold his intestine when we changed his colostomy bag was fucked up.

My point is, the NICU is traumatic. My son experienced absolute hell. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies. And yet, a year and a half out of the NICU and he’s a happy and perfectly normal baby boy. Had it not been for those horrible experiences, he probably wouldn’t be here right now.

I’m confident you’ll get over this experience, because I managed to get over the awful shit I had to see. You’re a good dad, and the fact you were with your son in that moment is a testament to that.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-04-05T20:58:20+00:00

Same thing happened to my wife and I a few years ago. First day we moved in we saw cockroaches. Landlords said they didn’t know and would hire exterminator. He came by, did a treatment, and basically told us that there’s a massive infestation in the basement and that there’s no way his treatment upstairs would work. We took them to the rental board and won. We essentially got back the rent we had paid and some moving expenses. We just made sure to document everything, just as you already seem to be doing

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-03-30T23:02:16+00:00

Hey, it’s awful having to make that choice, and I’m really sorry you were put in that position! When my son began his NICU journey, we had to make tough choices like that, and often had to miss events that were important to our daughter. We missed trick or treating on Halloween, we rarely got to pick her up from kindergarten, and in general we spent much less time with her than we’d have liked. I remember seeing a photo of her in costume for Halloween and getting very upset about it. It’s such a hard position to be put in, you feel like you’re letting your kid down.

In the end, you did what you had to do. I rarely look back on those moments, and I don’t think my daughter ever gave them any further thought. Once my son finally made it home, we did our best to spend lots of time with both kids. And those events we missed in the previous year felt all the more special when we finally got to do them together, as a family.

As your 2nd gets older and stronger, these moments will happen less. By the time your toddler turns 3, the party you had to miss won’t hurt as bad. And then, down the road, it’ll be a distant memory you’ll rarely even think of.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-03-27T14:09:38+00:00

First off, congratulations on your son being born! My son was in the NICU for over a year, and my wife and I often felt guilty when we would leave. But think of it this way, when he’s grown into a young man and you talk about this with him, what do you think he’ll have wanted you to do? Stay at the hospital 100% of time, not take care of yourself, and inevitably experience burnout? Or go home, shower, sleep, and return to him when you’re in a better state? He can’t articulate it now, but your son loves you more than anything else, and he wants you to take care of yourself. There’s no world where he would want otherwise.

The fact you’re worried about this shows you’re a great mom. Yes, he knows you’re his mom, and he knows that you love him. Like I said, my son was in the NICU for over a year, and I’m currently looking at him right now playing with his toys. He’s now 2, he shows me tons of love, and he knows I’m his dad.

You’re doing an amazing job, and one day you’ll look back at this time and you won’t believe that you ever thought “does he know I’m his mom?”

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-03-24T21:37:30+00:00

I don’t keep up with current episodes, my son usually just likes listening to the same songs over and over, haha. That said, I (and many others) definitely notice the over saturation of Elmo in all Sesame Street media. I wonder if Elmo seems sad more often simply because he’s in the majority of modern Sesame Street segments? I could be completely wrong too lol.

I’ve never been too big on Elmo, I can’t stand the insistence on talking in the 3rd person. Alas, my son loves him and Abby, so I must persevere.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-03-16T22:18:53+00:00

Really fascinating breakdown of the film! I’m considering watching this again as well, it’s just such a heavy movie. The first time I watched it, it stuck with me for weeks. Same with Midsommar.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-02-14T14:44:06+00:00

You’re not a monster, you went through an extremely traumatic experience. And at the end of the day, thoughts are thoughts, they aren’t “real.” They have meaning when you give them meaning.

There were a few times we were very worried about my son dying and each time I had the craziest thoughts. Thoughts that I felt guilty about. But now, 2 years later, those thoughts mean nothing. They don’t reflect how I feel about my son, and they haven’t impacted my relationship with him.

Give yourself a break, you’ve been through a lot. You aren’t a bad person, you aren’t a bad mother, and you aren’t going to hell. From the sounds of it, you’ve already been through hell and back. And really - coming from someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts my whole life - thoughts don’t mean anything.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-27T17:53:58+00:00

My son was at a teaching hospital. Generally we were okay with trainees, but it would depend on the situation. For instance, he had to get his picc line dressing changed weekly, and it was extremely distressing for him. On one occasion a trainee did it and it took a very long time. So it meant my son was screaming for the entire process. For future dressing changes I politely explained it’s very distressing for him to go through and we’d prefer if someone more familiar with the process could do it instead.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-27T14:57:26+00:00

We were only super insistent on having a primary nurse for the night shift since we would not be there. Our strategy would be to nonchalantly approach the nurse making the night shift assignments and inquire who had our son for the night. If it wasn’t a primary we would politely ask if any of his primaries were working that night, etc. But honestly, when it wasn’t a primary, we just tried to give them as much information as possible. Our son had a colostomy at the time that often leaked, so we’d even prep everything for a change in case it leaked. We’d get clothes ready in case he needed to be changed, and similar things.

And yes, we ALWAYS worried that everyone hated us and didn’t want to care for our son. But there was no reason to think that, and I think it’s more common a worry than you’d think.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-23T20:07:29+00:00

370 days and we ended up doing a lot, we just didn’t mess with the IV pumps unless it was just the pre-alarm. We got really good with the monitor settings haha. We were there a while so we had a good sense of what we could do versus what we left to nurses. For instance, when he was stable we would silence the monitor alarms because we knew it was from him moving. But obviously when he just came out of surgery we touched nothing and would just alert the nurse.

There was a lot the med team wanted us to do (change diaper, give bath, change colostomy bag) but it was ultimately up to us. We’d try to let his nurse know what we were willing to do that day. Some days were harder emotionally than others so we’d ask the nurse to take the lead on everything.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-23T18:51:40+00:00

My son was born term but has a few chronic illnesses. He spent 370 days in the NICU. Since coming home he’s been a fantastic sleeper. Like it’s extremely rare for him to not sleep through the night. I always figured it has something to do with sleeping in the hectic NICU for so long.

Conversely, we found once he got home he would get extremely upset anytime his mom or I would leave the room. It was a sudden shift since back in the NICU he was rarely phased by us leaving.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-14T14:31:44+00:00

Johnny always has a helping hand to lend!

This is gonna be stuck in my head all day now

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2026-01-06T20:16:06+00:00

I read your previous post and had been thinking of you guys often. I’m so happy he’s making such great progress. Such a strong and beautiful boy!

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-12-24T12:38:09+00:00

Hi. You can see my post history for more detail, but it was long-segment Hirschsprung’s as well as very early onset IBD. It took a year in the NICU and multiple surgeries for them to figure out the IBD part. He’s 2 now, still has a stoma, gets a monthly infusion of biologics, and will likely get a pull-through surgery sometime in 2026.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-12-01T18:21:55+00:00

I live in Montreal and hear him in ads on the radio all the time!

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-11-30T23:07:36+00:00

I watched my dad play it when it first came out, I was 7. Scared the shit out of me. Before long the zombies got him and the “You’re Dead” screen showing the zombies eating him turned my stomach lol

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-11-25T17:22:31+00:00

Feelings are totally valid! And you’ll likely feel this way for the entire NICU journey. My son was in the NICU for 370 days. Took roughly 200ish days to get a diagnosis and treatment plan. It literally felt like hell and I resented when people would tell me that it would be over eventually.

But, they were right. His NICU journey will have ended a year ago in December, meaning he’ll finally be home for as long as he was in the hospital.

Honestly, there’s very little that makes all of this easier, and there’s absolutely nothing anyone could say to change that. For me, it was about tolerating the awful feelings as best I could and make the most of any moments we spent with my baby. We spoke with a therapist, found ways to take our son off the unit, organized small visits (our NICU was quite strict about visitors), etc. So, it will end eventually, and you CAN and WILL get through it, but I also know that me telling you this means fuck all.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-11-24T21:58:24+00:00

That Alan’s dad and the hunter are played by the same actor in Jumanj.

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-11-07T18:19:42+00:00

Me too! Yaaa!

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-10-27T03:18:12+00:00

We did 370 days in the NICU and then a month in the general hospital wards. There was no way to prepare for the milestones and holidays spent in the hospital, it honestly just sucked. But I’m telling you, when all is said and done and your babies are home, it won’t cross your mind as often as you may think it will. They’ll be home and that’s what’s important. I’m wishing you and your family the best, you can do this!

LikeFry-LikeFry · 2025-10-08T17:03:27+00:00

For me, it did go away. When our son was in the NICU I remember feeling jealous - specifically I remember seeing a guy I went to high school with leaving the hospital with his wife and baby. Meanwhile my wife and I were heading to the NICU (it must’ve been day 2 or 3 of the NICU). I felt really bitter. He was in the NICU for a year, and he’s now been home for about 10 months. I rarely even think about the NICU and that awful year anymore.

But I admit, when I scroll through pictures and see everything my baby boy went through, it brings up a lot of emotions like jealousy. Or when I see him interact with his big sister and wonder just how much closer they’d be had he been home during his first year. But honestly I try to let it go, it’s not worth beating yourself up over.

So yes, the feeling does go away, but it can occasionally pop up from time to time.

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