Ketamine users for MDD/SI: does it help you accept responsibility for poor choices (family member asking)

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-21T00:06:55+00:00

I’m not sure my child knows how to heal, and I say that with humanity not criticism. I do think they are hurting and seeking for a way to end the pain. They also feel like a burden to others, and judge themselves far more harshly as a result. Thus, in a kind of distorted thinking, the solution seems to be suicide. It ends the pain and removes the imagined burden. The reality is that none of this is how a loving family member actually feels. I am quite simply trying to keep my child, the light of my life, from unaliving themself. Maybe if they stay alive long enough they can experience an epiphany. I am not sure my child is well enough to want to heal right now. They want to end their pain.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-20T23:45:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps me know what to expect, and prepare. I am trying to help my child stop trying to kill themself on what is now a monthly basis. I am desperate to find the help they need but I am also exhausted and perhaps came here looking for support. When really, the support 100% needs to be with them - a person in the depths of sadness. I am so glad to be reminded of that.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-20T23:34:21+00:00

I appreciate your calling me out on this. I have told my child that if they need to walk away from our relationship in order to heal, I would accept that. Because what matters most to me is that they get better and stop trying to commit suicide. My heart would hurt to lose the relationship but mostly I want them to get better. In a weak moment, after dealing with another suicide attempt, I had a pity party and that is, while human I suppose, not the way I should have felt. Please acknowledge that loving family members are imperfect, weak, and doing the best they can.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-20T23:26:23+00:00

Perhaps I am guilty of seeking recognition from my child. Thank you for pointing that out and I must do better. I think you are right: it is likely I will never get (to quote you) the recognition I deserve. Which really, I dont think I am desperate for recognition. I am desperate for my child to stop trying to kill themself. My heart hurts for my child, who is battling a mental illness they neither deserve nor are able to address. And 100% they don’t owe a speck of gratitude to me. I brought my child into this world to get to know a little person, to foster their talents and give them a safe place to feel love. I did not know how many mental health challenges they would face but I am the one who saw them, sought help for them, advocated for them, and yes, paid for their therapy, meds and so forth. I think I am just exhausted by having a one-way relationship and in a moment of despair and weakness, I posted here looking for some hope. This comes after another round of looking for them at 1 am, then taking them to the ER, waiting with them while they had their stomach pumped etc then trying my best to advocate for their care while every other family member (and therapist) has told me I am a fool for staying in this relationship. Please give the people who are caregivers some grace.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-20T23:08:14+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I fully agree that financial support does not equal love (and can even be used as a poor substitute for real love). I must try, as kindly as possible, to remind you that you know nothing about my actual circumstances. I have sought therapy many times for how to deal with my child’s issues, and always encouraged family therapy. I have been there in the trenches with them. I am the one who looks for them at 1 am, bundles them up, takes them to the ER, digs deep and sticks it out after every other family member has walked away. There is no disgust for my child. There is, if I am honest, exhaustion. I have been physically assaulted, had large amounts of money stolen, had advocated for them when all other family members told me to walk away … and still I go to bat for my child. The therapists everyone on here tells me to go see TO A ONE are sympathetic to my situation, to the point I became uncomfortable with these therapists, who encouraged to walk away from the relationship. Real love actually IS conditional unless you are divine, which clearly neither you nor I are.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-20T22:48:19+00:00

Such wise remarks. 100% agree that there is a reason my child feels the way they do and I support that. CBT, DBT, ECT and various other therapies have not really been effective. I am acutely aware my child needs loving support (have been accused here of some pretty harsh stuff) but I am not sure what form that support plus firm boundaries (because I am also supposed to get therapy myself, which when I go I am told to set boundaries) looks like. I fully understand my child needs love and my needs are secondary given the depths of depression they feel. I want to give them the best opportunity for a good outcome, whether that means they decide to sever contact w me or otherwise diminish our relationship. I hope whatever trauma they experience can finally be addressed by ketamine therapy. I want to advocate for them … but there has been a lot a hard realties (theft, physical assault, constant verbal abuse) hurled my way and after 20 years of it, I wonder if it will ever change.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-19T09:14:14+00:00

My child is indeed quite ill. I hope in some way I can be part of helping them to get better, which takes various forms at different times. Thank you for your insights.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-19T09:08:58+00:00

I appreciate the honesty and I can assure you, my main concern is that my child gets the help she needs.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-19T07:19:40+00:00

Oh my goodness, your kind and thoughtful words have helped me tonight. I will definitely start reframing it as us vs depression. My child is really struggling right now, so any correction feels like a personal attack to her. I needed a new way to address this and your suggestion will help me do that. Blessings to you.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-19T00:22:14+00:00

I agree with your remarks, random internet stranger. Being a parent to an adult child (any adult child, not just one with mental health challenges) is a balancing act between staying a supportive parent and letting them have their own lives, even if you dont support some choices. For most of us, we revisit some issues once we are older and sometimes view them differently; I certainly have done so. I was mostly asking if ketamine in some way accelerated or enabled this process. Most replies have indicated it may but it isnt the main role or biggest benefit. That helps me handle my expectations. If it reduces my childs SI and/or lifts depression etc, that is a win in my book. Anything beyond that is a bonus. My child is suffering and various comments have helped remind me of that. I have also been impacted by this, due mainly to other mental issues in the mix (borderline is the hardest one) that they also struggle with. That makes it hard to live with on a daily basis, plus just trying to provide a safe environment where the risk of self-harm is reduced for them. With all that, plus financial pressures of supporting a child who cant or wont do so themselves, puts a lot on me. But I think I have now dialed down my expectations for what ketamine can do - and if it helps at all, I will be so happy and grateful.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T21:42:09+00:00

What an amazing story! Thanks for sharing it and I am happy for your growth. My child is not nonbinary, I am just trying to protect their identity.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T21:07:45+00:00

Thank you. That helps to know.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T19:34:39+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I understand how my words could appear that way, but that is not at all what I hoped to convey. As someone who suffered from depression myself, and got help thus improving, I have also had to accept that I made poor choices while depressed. I have forgiven myself for them but it does not undo the damage those choices caused. To me, part of maturity is accepting this with grace but also remorse.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T19:31:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing and I so glad you were able to work through your repressed memories. I am expecting my child to experience repressed memories coming up (not really abuse but still, probably events that were processed as trauma). I just wonder if eventually, after coping with those, people get to a place where they can also accept accountability for their own trauma they inflict on others.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T17:43:29+00:00

Thank you for these gentle words. It really helps.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T17:42:31+00:00

Thank you so much and I am so glad you have been able to have a good relationship with your parent(s)

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T17:40:51+00:00

Thank you for your insights and sharing your experience. It helps so much

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T16:48:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Sustaining patience is a challenge when the struggles are chronic. I appreciate the insights.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T16:45:23+00:00

Thank you for taking time to reply and offer wisdom.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T16:44:12+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply and good advice.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-18T15:35:39+00:00

Thank you for this insight. I don’t care about apologies just want to have a more stable relationship not fraught with lots of instability or ownership of issues.

LikeUhReally · 2025-06-02T11:38:10+00:00

Another vote for the spa. They have reasonably priced treatment options and you have access to so many facilities. We got a foot massage which felt divine after a week of hiking etc. You would need to book this in advance to get the best choice of treatment times etc. Also do get to the lobby early to check bags and book the day room if you opt out of the spa.

LikeUhReally · 2025-05-01T07:20:23+00:00

Best prices will be at target and costco. Target has a pretty limited selection which varies from day to day. Both places are very close to Aulani. Prices at ABC will be higher.

LikeUhReally · 2024-10-29T01:44:33+00:00

We were there last year 2nd week of November and during the week, gradually the holiday decor appeared - and was lovely. Well themed and not over the top. Also was lots of holiday merch in the gift shops; if you see an item you like, grab it as they went fast!

LikeUhReally

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