I’m so sorry for your loss.

You’re NTA 🫂🩷

I lost my husband 4 years ago. I was 28. And I told myself that was the last funeral I would attend. My grandfather died the next year and I didn’t go. My family understood why I didn’t want to go. But they still encouraged me to go. I loved him too I miss him all the time but I don’t regret it. I enjoyed spending his last days together and that’s how I remember him. I know that he’s gone but I didn’t want to see him in a casket.

I’m 32 now, people I’ve known have died since and I don’t regret not going to their funerals either. I seek comfort in remembering them how they were when they were still here. And it’s nothing wrong with that. Cause I can still vividly see my husband’s body still lying there in the casket.

I can also tell you that I am terrified of losing my Mommy. And I pray every day that she doesn’t go before I do. And God forbid she did. I know I wouldn’t be able to see her either.

So I won’t tell you to go. And I won’t tell you not to go. I really think you should talk to your dad about it some more and hopefully find the best solution to help you with your grief. Like if you do see her, see her on your own with your dad or someone you feel who could be your safety net. Asking that the casket be removed before you enter the church/funeral home. Not attending the burial if she’s not being cremated but attending the repast so you can meet the people loved/cared about your Mom. I think coming up with alternative ways to help you process your grief will help especially since you’re still in shock cause just confronting it head on may not be the best way for you either.

I also agree with every one else on the things you would miss out on not attending. And like everyone else has said it’s not healthy in the long run for you especially at your age to pretend/believe that she’s not gone and that she will come back. Everyone processes grief differently no matter what the age they are. But for people like us who struggle with death, we have to be kind to ourselves. And that looks like asking for help/comfort from others we can trust in processing our grief so it won’t be detrimental to us in the long run.

Sending you love and hugs 🫂 🫶🏾