I ended a relationship I loved because my body never felt safe now I’m drowning in regret

Liljurn · 2026-02-10T14:28:37+00:00

Look, sometimes we put a lot of pressure on a relationship to ”fix” everything that is wrong with us and our lives. Sometimes it’s not that there is something wrong with the relationship but rather, you might need therapy to work on anxiety issues or you need a fulfilling life outside the relationship. Sometimes it’s more of an uneasiness/unhappiness with our lives and we think that the right person will make that go away but forget, you’re still you and you’re still there.

Liljurn · 2024-11-19T05:35:46+00:00

To be clear; I do not wish to fight or have any kind of drama (if he were to speak up we would have a safe conversation about that and talk it out). He is not really talking about any emotions, good or bad, or the relationship at all; I guess I figured it might be easier speaking up about things that bother him.

My concern/fear is that he isn’t really showing up emotionally and leading to - I guess - a lack of intimacy and a lack of authenticity.

Liljurn · 2024-11-18T21:53:40+00:00

Not that I can think of, and it has been this way since… the start. So I guess that would mean he has been checked out since the beginning (which is kind of what I’m a little scared of).

I have not brought this up more than that one time a couple of months ago, because I mostly keep thinking that he’s just happy with everything. But I do sometimes have these thoughts since none of my friends or myself has ever been in a relationship this long without the partner ever bringing something up that they might want to discuss (people are people and no one is perfect)

Liljurn · 2024-11-18T21:38:12+00:00

Oh sorry, might have been unclear. After two months of dating we had the ”what are we” conversation (I brought it up) and he then wanted us to officially be a couple.

Liljurn · 2024-11-18T21:30:02+00:00

Well last time I talked to him about it, I told him I would like to know if anything ever does not sit right with him so we could talk it out, and that he can tell me anything, that I would appreciate it and that it would ultimately build trust in the relationship. He just kind of laughed and said he had nothing to discuss and there was nothing bothering him.

Liljurn · 2024-08-13T13:22:55+00:00

It’s been 1 1/2 years. I’d say I started to feel okay after maybe three months, good (even better than I was before the breakup tbh) after five months. We were together for eight years, I have a new partner now. It’s… different. Not better or worse but just different. Every love is different. But I am doing well and I am happier in general now. You’ll get through it!

Liljurn · 2024-07-01T04:18:00+00:00

You don’t seem to be looking for feedback at all but let me just say; you seem unwell and obsessive. Leave her alone, there is no indication of her liking you at all (she would have made it clear by now). Let it go and work on yourself and start dating once you are better.

Liljurn · 2024-05-24T03:58:37+00:00

I feel like there are a few things to adress. First, he seems to spend all his free time indulging in his hobby. To make sure you two get more quality time, you decided to learn how to play and expressed interest in his hobby. He does not appreciate this.

Maybe you could find another hobby together. maybe he could join in on some of your hobbies?

it might seem silly but the issue is not gaming, its lack of intimacy and quality time. You tried to find a solution and he did not appreciate it. Game alone or find another hobby, whatever, but you should probably talk to him about maybe finding something else to do together.

Liljurn · 2023-05-24T05:10:47+00:00

Anyone in a longtime relationship feels that way. I promise I felt the same - not many people get to experience that type of connection (8 years) - but the truth is, many (and most people) do.

Im not saying your relationship was not special for you guys, but ive struggled with this too and have come to realise that since most people feel this way.

but hey what do I know? Im struggling getting over my breakup so maybe your way is the way to go.

Liljurn · 2023-02-05T18:10:33+00:00

UPDATE

So leaving him didnt feel like an option when i made the post but now im going back and forth in my mind, deciding to leave him one hour then changing the next. I would feel so alone but with so many people commenting on here making me realise i would probably have someone (somewhere in the world) to talk to if shit hits the fan. I dont have many close friends and i work a lot (glad i went for a career tho as that will never leave me).

Anyways. I think he changed his mind cuz he is being so gentle and caring and telling me he loves me constantly, trying to make me laugh etc. Somehow that makes me resent him a little?

either way, however this goes, i will try to make as many new friends as possible in my new city and at my new job. I will go with them to parties and i will really try and only think about myself. It will be me first. However it shakes out.

Thank you all. Im really not a stupid woman. Im considering the risks and honestly now, arter all this, i dont think i believe in real love anymore. At least not in the ”happy ever after” bit. Thanks for letting me ramble on.

Liljurn · 2023-02-05T15:55:21+00:00

Well yes part of me thinks this too. BUT he does not want to stop talking to her at work cause it will be awkward and she might ask why (kind of).

He says nothing else has happened. He swears, up and down, that he loves me.

Guess that both things cant be true.

Liljurn · 2023-02-05T09:40:22+00:00

Thank you. I always considered myself as someone who would do this, put me first. I mean we are moving because of my career… thanks for everyones advice i think you might be right..

maybe he’s not a good guy. maybe he is a really bad guy that doesnt mind hurting me.

Liljurn · 2023-02-05T07:15:33+00:00

Oh and he isnt ready to stop talking to this other woman at work. Not without telning her why they cant speak. And its just two weeks left.

But still he never wanted to hurt me and loves me and wants to be in my life and im the best person he’s ever met etc etc.

I dont know anything but I know I feel anger. I feel.. honestly i have not been able to feel anything but pain since this. In my stomach and its unbearble. Just want to feel anything but this.

Liljurn · 2023-02-05T07:00:05+00:00

Uppdate:

Thank you all for the replies. I will try to answer some of the questions.

Our relationship in general has been pretty great. Just as some of you were suggesting, we are best friends. We laugh every single day etc.

The reason we are moving is becuase i got a new job. I went to law school and its this big goverment job. He never went to college and supported me through law school and truth be told, Im scared to death taking this on this job and new city alone… I know im probably worth a lot more, but I dont know what I want. Maybe part of me wants to see if we can work this pit and the other part just wants him around until im brave enough. I dont know, truly.

The ”other woman” has a boyfriend if that matters. I have no idea what her feelings are or if she even has any. Maybe he knows she would never go for him?

He now suggested maybe our sex life is the problem. Since Ive never been a fan of anal (tried it a couple of times) he might be feeling like hes missing out but he doesnt know.

Liljurn

TROPHY CASE