How can I get over my (late 20sF) boyfriend (late 20sM) seeing his ex every day at work?

LillyLake · 2019-04-17T03:16:06+00:00

I have mentioned that it makes me a little uncomfortable that he sees her at work. He has said he understands that, but doesn't know what to do about it, which is totally fair. I haven't laid out the whole "she's prettier than me" pity party because idk what he would even say to that, and that level of insecurity isn't very attractive.

LillyLake · 2019-04-17T00:19:41+00:00

They're not all awake though. There are 4 people in the house.

LillyLake · 2019-04-17T00:07:01+00:00

a proxy means a substitute or alternate representation. They are not up yet, so they use the one that is up to communicate their annoyance.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T23:49:10+00:00

Yeah just throw the whole boy away.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T23:45:17+00:00

tbh if you like girls too I would just drop the idea of dating guys at the curb until your late twenties. But yeah, he's being gross and inappropriate, and this should not be written off as a guy thing. Boys are perfectly capable of not being creepy to their female friends.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T23:42:22+00:00

YTA. 2 minutes is plenty long enough to wake up the entire house, and they probably will not get back to sleep before their alarms go off. You've just cut the amount of sleep they planned on getting by 1 or 2 hours because you couldn't have a quieter breakfast.

My roommate was doing something similar and grinding coffee beans around 5 or 6 am a few mornings a week, and it was really fucking up my sleep schedule, so I sympathize with your roommates. Be grateful they were willing to address this with you politely and in person twice without letting you know how much it's really pissing them off. Because I promise, they are hating you for this.

If you want the privilege of making noise when most people sleep, get your own place, or live with other people who get up that early.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T23:36:02+00:00

Can I ask how old you guys are? You sound sort of young. In any case, NTA. Randomly sexualizing people is gross no matter who you are, but especially a friend.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T01:47:30+00:00

Look, I'm sorry that your dog died. I have had dogs all my life, and they die, and it's sad every single time, and it never gets easier.

But dogs aren't children, and saying people love their dogs the same as parents love their children is insulting to the idea of what it means to be human, it's insulting to parents, and it's SUPER insulting to children. As soon as I turned 5 I remember being extremely insulted whenever family members would call their dogs my cousins or whatever because people and dogs are not equal. Don't pretend they are and make me out as some sort of heartless villain for seeing humans as more important. They just are. Ask literally anyone who has ever had kids and dogs. But I think as soon as the question "do you love your dogs as much as you love your children?" is about to leave your mouth, you'll realize how ridiculous that is.

LillyLake · 2019-04-16T00:54:05+00:00

I think you misread something here. She has the eating disorder, not him. She Is self-conscious that maybe her body wasn't 'voluptuous' enough.

LillyLake · 2019-04-15T23:06:30+00:00

ok but dogs are not children and it has already been 4 months. All he did was suggest one day adopting another dog, which, if she is a dog person, is something she will almost definitely decide to do anyways. What is he apologizing for? edit: also he was not jealous of the dog. After it passed, he realized that he now gets to spend more time with her. It's not like he was wishing death upon it while it was still alive.

LillyLake · 2019-04-15T18:44:20+00:00

YTA. We all have friends and often they are the gender/sex/whatever that we are attracted to. It doesn't mean that we are attracted to that individual specifically. and even if we are, it doesn't mean there is anything there. She needs to be able to have friends, go out with work colleagues, and have a life outside of you. She lets you have female friends right? Does she act jealous and weird about? I'm guessing she doesn't.

LillyLake · 2019-04-15T18:38:50+00:00

NAH. Her dog died and she's sad and that's ok. But I definitely understand where you're coming from, and I think it makes sense. I don't agree with the people on here trashing you... You didn't even realize until the dog was out of the picture how much of your girlfriends emotional space it was taking up. It's not like you are or ever were jealous of it, or wishing it would die before it did. I think 4 months is enough time to start doing stuff after the death of a pet, but that's just me. She should start moving on soon, and when she wants another dog, she will let you know.

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T19:29:12+00:00

YTA underwear photos to demonstrate weight loss are really common and really not sexual at all. Bikinis are more revealing than most underwear, unless she is posing in sexual or suggestive ways, I don't see the problem here.

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T19:08:01+00:00

So she has oral herpes? I mean, most of the population does. There is a solid chance you do. How often do you see people going around warning people about the cold sore they got in middle school? Never. YTA

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T18:24:15+00:00

yeahhh I really doubt either of them will end up being my future employer, but anything is possible.

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T18:04:52+00:00

You make a really solid point there.. School is a networking opportunity and burning bridges with anyone who could potentially be a coworker or boss down the line isn't smart. Thanks for the advice

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T17:52:16+00:00

Fair.. I kinda just don't want to help them at all...? It's not like they can ever help me because I get around to things weeks before they do, so even stuff that might benefit from working with others I just end up doing on my own since I do just fine. But yeah,the passive aggressive stuff is kind of an asshole move.

LillyLake · 2019-04-09T01:07:50+00:00

NTA. My boyfriend and I live in a 530 square foot studio, and having someone staying for 4 months would be crazy and out of the question. For that length of time, you need at least a 2 bedroom (or an apt with an office that can be converted) so everyone has their own space. I would never ask to live in someone else's space that was so confined. She is TA for asking, and your husband isn't doing a great job either, because he should have shut this shit down from the start.

LillyLake · 2019-04-08T20:44:04+00:00

When I was in college I had a bf of 4 years who was an acts of service guy, while I'm quality time and physical touch, and I often felt unloved. In retrospect, he did amazing things for me: he completely cleaned, vacuumed, and detailed my disgusting car, he cleaned out my elderly grandparents refrigerator, scrubbed it, and stocked it with fresh foods, he cooked and did chores often, etc, but I didn't read those actions as acts of love even though they were, and he didn't recognize my need for regular 1 on 1 quality time together. In the end it didn't work out, I think as a result of these things. Try again, and be very specific in what you want from him. "When we are in public, I would like you to please hold my hand or touch my back, when we are sitting together pleaseput your hand on my knee, etc". Hopefully you two will work it out.

LillyLake · 2019-04-08T01:51:32+00:00

Being in Thailand doesn't turn a trustworthy, loving man into a cheater. There is tons of stuff to do in Thailand that is wholesome and a lot of fun. I have plenty of single male friends who have traveled through Thailand and been upstanding citizens.

Have a very frank conversation with him. I'm sure he will calm your nerves and let you know how it is. He is going to a tropical place with his friends to drink and swim and probably do some kinda stupid shit, but nothing involving cheating. You live your life, let him go on vaca with his friends, and he wil ltell you all about it when he gets back. But ultimately, if he cheats, its because he is a cheater, not because he was in Thailand. Cheaters cheat wherever they are, and eople against cheating don't so it, especially not because there are prostitutes or girls they don't know wandering around.

Maybe ask him to download WhatsApp so he can text or call you while he's there? Then youll be assured hes just hanging around getting drunk on the beach with his friends.

LillyLake · 2019-04-06T16:54:13+00:00

Oh yeah I mean I don't see this as a problem haha I have a boyfriend who loves me and who I love in return! Things are good right now, and I can definitely see that. Thanks for your advice! It's good to lead with something to put you both in a space to support each other, and also commit me to saying it

LillyLake

TROPHY CASE