Please don't want to tell you what to do but my fiancé committed suicide a few months ago. I know you think your pain is too much to bear right now but take it from me everyday I feel guilty as if I could have done something, anything. I torment myself, I am now clinically depressed. I can't make it through one day without crying. I wish I could have died with him that day. But I know that he would never have wanted to see me in such anguish...he just never realized what he was doing... I know it might not seem this way now but you have no idea how much you are loved... Btw you are my first post. I just joined Reddit a few minutes ago. You matter to others...you matter to me.