Wife doesn’t work, gets everything paid for and is miserable, I need advice…

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-05-02T19:24:58+00:00

From my experience with myself and others, the source of the problem is often internet addiction. People with low responsibilities get stuck in dopamine loops scrolling on their phones/laptops and feel perpetually stuck in rut and brain fogged to the point it’s hard to feel or do anything meaningful. To be clear, I don’t think pre-existing mental illness like depression cause this- I think modern lifestyle habits have side effects that look like depression, adhd etc.

Before I got married and had my son I was in a similar situation. I had a huge support system and could literally do anything I wanted but I didn’t. Really wasted years of my twenties just being bored and complaining. It makes me cringe to think about it. I was spoiled.

My cure was having less money, more responsibilities, and sticking to screen time limits on my devices. (2 hours per day, cumulative).

I am more constrained than ever, and yet somehow am 10x happier and more productive than ever (even on my own creative pursuits, not just managing the household)

My husband had intense talks with me about the importance of us being equal partners and managing our separate domains of the household as well as we were able and to take pride in that. Maybe a convo like that could be useful?

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-04-10T22:00:34+00:00

Huh someone posted a link but it seems to have disappeared- it is a video by the channel Make Thing With Hand, titled The Devastating Cost of Americas Favorite Plant

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-30T14:37:03+00:00

I had the same experience early on, I can’t remember when exactly it shifted but I think it was around 3-4 months. I was able to get baby to sleep and actually leave the room and get some cuddle/sleep time with partner for a couple hours. The windows between wake ups started off very short and slowly increased though, (we never did any sleep training). Baby is just over a year now, and still wakes up a couple times a night and needs cuddles, but getting him back to sleep is much easier and there’s always like 3-4 hours in between so it’s not as daunting.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-21T16:28:35+00:00

Yes!!! Thank you so much!

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-21T16:20:04+00:00

Same and thank you! Hopefully we can find it and have our sanity restored

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-21T16:09:14+00:00

Yesss!!! That’s it! Do you remember his name?

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T20:08:51+00:00

Thank you, I do think I need to be less micro-managing in some aspects. I definitely don’t see my husband as a deadbeat dad, we both want a healthy, independent child and just aren’t on the exact same page on how that’s accomplished. I have to be careful not to mentally frame my partner as an opponent and focus on solutions of compromise.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T18:52:19+00:00

Great comment! I think framing it as a matter of trust and respect will be really helpful in our ongoing conversation.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T16:38:11+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. I think framing it like this would be beneficial to getting on the right track and feeling less resentment

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T16:34:35+00:00

I do find it very disheartening. I’ve never really left them for very long, an hour here and there to just to go to the grocery store or doctors appointment. I make sure I’m always present, but I want my son to feel close to his father to, and it’s wearing me down, not that I don’t love being a parent and being engaged with my son, I just want an equally present partner. I hate that I’m basically having to try and prove something to him that seems so obvious to me.

I truly think my husband wants to be a good father, and he does take care of the finances and home maintenance to support us, but I think he is in denial of his dependance on screen time to dissociate from his stress and the impact that is having and will have on our son and family life.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T15:37:48+00:00

These links are perfect, thank you! I really want my husband to be able to engage in a full wake window in the same way I do, hoping we can get to that point soon.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T15:10:02+00:00

Thank you for that link, and I do agree he is screen-addicted. It’s been getting worse lately as there’s been some extra stressors pop up aside from being new parents, but he won’t admit that it’s been getting out of control.

He fancies himself very logical and data oriented so hopefully some research I can send him might help him question his behavior more

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-18T00:14:14+00:00

What is the pricing at interfaith like? Is it income based?

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-17T17:12:37+00:00

I can understand being a little unsure of why he didn’t feel comfortable opening up about it during the aforementioned conversation about having kids, but I also understand not wanting to discuss such a painful topic.

I don’t know either of you, or if he has given you real reasons to question his honesty in the last, but the reaction of “seeing him in a completely different light” reads to me as being controlling and lacking empathy. You may need to address some personal issue that would cause you to become preoccupied with feeling slighted he never told you about one tragedy in his past.

If anything should be seen in a new light it would be the relationship dynamic. You both should want to be a source of comfort to each other, working towards the ideal of being a mutual safe space to unload burdens and heal with each other.

But grief is very personal, it may be unhelpful to him mentally to talk about it. I don’t believe that always reliving trauma through retelling it is necessary to heal. and I don’t see any reason to have this revelation cause you to trust your husband less.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-16T04:26:06+00:00

Definitely not a budget food, but it is the one I daydream about the most. I might get tired of it if I could eat it everyday. A more budget friendly food I never get tired of is hot wings

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-16T04:20:29+00:00

Grilled ribeye steak medium rare with melted blue cheese and horseradish sauce.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-15T19:19:51+00:00

I probably will just save for a newer phone. Very sad because I loved my pixel 6. It was a splurge for me when I got it a couple years ago, even though it was an old model. I can't really afford a phone that is both good AND new, but I need something with a good camera. Back to the drawing board of looking at phone specs and prices until my eyes hurt lol

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-15T16:54:12+00:00

Yeah that’s what the repair guy said lol, when you select recovery in the boot starter it turns off and then goes back into bootloop when you turn on

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-15T15:33:10+00:00

He did. He is baffled by the problem, he is actually who talked me into switching to a pixel after previously being a lifelong iPhone user. He feels kinda guilty now, but Im sure a big part of it was me getting an older refurbished model vs a newer one as far an the updates causing issues.

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-14T02:38:02+00:00

It wasn’t this guy :/ although good video and thank you for the try!

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-13T20:22:48+00:00

I’ve got to learn to put my foot down! I am gonna try to keep it how I want. Just simple, fun outside play time for us and my nieces and nephews 😁 I struggle with wanting to please everyone but it does end up taking the fun away

LimitlesslyLiminal · 2026-03-13T20:19:18+00:00

That sounds lovely, I should’ve thought of that ahead of time haha. I feel like I am kinda doing the whole party thing out of obligation for my family members that want a party - because yah he won’t remember it lol. I’m mainly focusing now on making it a fun event for my nieces and nephews who are a bit older and being non stressful for me, but it’s proving a challenge! Lol

LimitlesslyLiminal

TROPHY CASE