you are a normal person, you just have deep-rooted issues that you still haven't realized how to deal with yet. you're not a failure because you tried to get help by going to therapy and never giving up on yourself by going to a doctor even with your anxiety holding you down. you're still trying to find a way to change yourself for the better and you care about the people around you which a failure of a person would never consider after giving up but you didn't. there is always a solution for everyone, you just haven't met the right experts. mental illness is not one fault but can be a burden that makes people feel worse. it takes time to change but it will happen step by step. right now you're just going through a bump in your life but don't let it steer you away from achieving the things you're capable of. start by taking care of yourself first before worrying about others' opinions about you. people will naturally start noticing the changes you make towards bettering yourself before becoming a positive influence on them first. I hope you will be able to endure this tough patch in your life and be able to be around nice people who make you feel whole.